2 Guns (2013)

2013-08-23

"Dude, what have you been eating?" — “Dude, what have you been eating?”

Twitter Plot Summary: Wahlberg and Washington are undercover Navy/DEA agents respectively on the run after they steal $43 million from a bank.

Genre: Action/Comedy/Crime/Drama/Thriller

Director: Baltasar Kormakur

Key Cast: Denzel Washington, Mark Wahlberg, Paula Patton, Bill Paxton, Fred Ward, James Marsden, Edward James Olmos.

Five Point Summary:

1. Bill Paxton with a moustache. Now I’ve seen everything.
2. So that’s the second film this year where Denzel Washington is in bed with a topless lady…
3. Yay, it’s Admiral Adama! Whoop whoop!
 4. Stop chewing your gums Denzel, it’s weird.
5. “I never miss.” Who are you, Bullseye from the Daredevil film?

There’s something to be said for going into a film almost completely blind. 2 Guns did not show up on my radar earlier this year when I put together a list of films I wanted to see in 2013, I only decided to watch it on a whim after catching the trailer a few weeks back. After robbing a bank and finding $43 million in cash rather than the $3 million they were expecting, Bobby Trench (Washington) and Michael Stigman (Wahlberg) are undercover agents who are both tasked with infiltrating a drug cartel. Bobby is a DEA agent, whereas Stigman is a navy bod. Soon both are set up and on the run and stuck in the middle of a fight between four different sides – the DEA, the navy, the CIA and drug boss Admiral Adama… sorry – Edward James Olmos. They have to work together to solve the mystery (of where the money is) and to come out the other end alive instead of in a body bag.

It’s essentially an anti-buddy cop movie, with our two guys on the run from everybody. There are big action sequences that are handled credibly, although on the whole they lack the chutzpah of a Die Hard or a Mission Impossible. I get the impression the budget wasn’t really there, but they are serviceable if nothing else. The main thing you’re for though is the interplay between Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg. Despite the occasionally fraught situations they find themselves in one or the other always has a quip to hand. I liked the fact there really isn’t a clear definition of “good” and “bad” with each of our groups. You would normally expect the navy, the DEA or even the CIA to be deemed “the good guys”, but literally everybody is drawn in shades of grey, even the shady drug kingpin himself. The only thing that matters, in the same vein as the Fast and Furious franchise, is “family”. Thankfully it’s not mentioned every five smurfing minutes as in those films, so it doesn’t irritate.

Bill Paxton with a moustache. Yesterday.

More importantly, and I wasn’t aware of this going in, is that it’s a comic book adaptation that doesn’t overtly feel like a comic book adaptation. Other films like A History of Violence, whilst very good, definitely feels like it’s been ripped verbatim from the comic. 2 Guns doesn’t have this problem, or rather it doesn’t suffer from it anywhere near as obviously. Also of note is, early in the film, Bobby and Stig put on some cool masks to rob the bank – one is Frankenstein’s Monster, the other a creepy clown. There’s probably some subtext there about how initially they’re hiding behind a mask and it’s only afterwards the real masks come off, blah blah blah. I say probably, because I’m not sure those involved in the making of the film gave it that much thought. I suppose that’s what film critics are for though…

Bill Paxton has some fun as the slow, drawling CIA agent trying to recover the money, although seeing as the CIA has more money in all sorts of places it’s hard to define his motivations. So the money has been stolen, yet they have a lot more stashed elsewhere – why is he so keen to get it back? I know he has a vested interest in the situation, but even so. He’s a needlessly violent character who will shoot a man just because he has that power, and is perhaps more a villain of the piece than dirty navy agent James Marsden or even Admiral Ada… Edward James Olmos.

The narrative and levels of conflict between characters was good fun, although there’s a few tonal shifts that don’t sit easy – either you’re a dark gritty thriller or you’re a fun action adventure romp, pick one and stick with it. It’s probably not going to be top of many people’s lists in the years ahead, but it’s a fun modern action film that does its job and then gets out of the building. Because, you know, it’s probably going to blow up.

Favourite scene: Infiltrating the Navy base. Not so much “infiltrating” as “bursting in.”

Quote: “You’re my people and we have a code. You fight for the guy that’s fighting next to you.”

Silly Moment: Admiral Adama locked in a boot and having a bit of sick.

Score: 3.5/5

Now You See Me (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-08-22

"What's in there?" "I don't know. A story?" — “What’s in there?”
“I don’t know. A story?”

Twitter Plot Summary: A group of magicians known as the Four Horsemen pull off 3 heists whilst being chased by Mark Ruffalo and Melanie Laurent.

Genre: Crime/Mystery/Thriller

Director: Louis Leterrier

Key Cast: Jesse Eisenberg, Mark Ruffalo, Woody Harrelson, Isla Fisher, Dave Franco, Melanie Laurent, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Michael Kelly.

Five Point Summary:

1. Good start, then various plot threads are unceremoniously dropped. Ho hum.
2. Look – angry Michael Caine!
3. These magic tricks are getting increasingly silly…
4. Hey, you’re not Gambit! Stop throwing cards!
5. Oh, that’s just a silly way to end it.

I’ve recently signed up for a Cineworld Unlimited card as I was starting to spend a huge amount on cinema trips and needed to find a way to reduce my outgoings without losing out on seeing new films. It’s now cheaper for me to visit the cinema near work (35-40 mins drive away), on a day off no less, than to visit the local cinema that’s 5 minutes away. Go figure. Anyway, to the point I was making – as part of the unlimited card is the opportunity to attend advance screenings of certain films and, in this instance, a secret screening. There were a few clues released beforehand about what film it might be, but I didn’t really care all that much, it was an opportunity to see a film a few weeks before general release. As it turns out it was Now You See Me, which thankfully had been on my “films to watch” list, and if I’d have been on the ball I could have uploaded a review on or before release date. As you can tell, I dropped the ball with that one. My bad.

Now You See Me sees a group of four magicians with different illusion-related skills join forces, at the behest of a mysterious benefactor, to pull off three heists and steal a shedload of money and become eligible to join an elite inner circle of magicians. Or you know, something along those lines. On their tails are FBI agent Dylan Rhodes (Ruffalo) and Interpol agent Alma Dray (Laurent), supported in a sense by Thaddeus Bradley (Freeman) who is clearly so knowledgeable about magic tricks that he could probably solve the case himself if he cared enough about it. Sadly his smugness gets in the way of him making any meaningful contribution.

The film’s had an extended run in the UK top 10 since release, and I think it’s only just dropped out. The reason behind this film lasting so long in the top 10 (probably) is because it’s not a sequel, it’s not a Western (sorry, Lone Ranger) and it’s something a little bit different to all the other mainstream films that have come out so far this year. That’s not to say it’s amazing though, not by a long stretch. Escapism yes, entertaining too, but a classic it is not.

"I won't tell anybody you crashed the car if you don't tell them about my chronic flatulence." — “I won’t tell anybody you crashed the car if you don’t tell them about my chronic flatulence.”

The cast is rather spectacular – there are the big hitters in the form of Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine, but they’re more peripheral characters. The film’s carried by an entertaining performance from Mark Ruffalo and his interactions with Melanie Laurent. It’s a will-they-won’t they kind of thing that starts with initial dislike and grows to respect – the usual spiel. The Four Horsemen are represented by Jesse Eisenberg (channelling his Mark Zuckerberg performance from The Social Network), Woody Harrelson (a barrel of laughs), Isla Fisher (underutilised) and Dave Franco (passable). We’re told very briefly that Eisenberg and Fisher’s characters were once romantically engaged, but this is then totally ignored for the remainder of the film. There’s no point dropping that little bit of information into the story if you’re not going to use it later on. Scriptwriting 101, peeps!

Morgan Freeman is the idiot board for the audience – after most of the tricks in the film he comes along to debunk and explain it. I’m not overly sure we really needed him in there, it seems like his character is only there to explain things to the audience without explaining things to them directly. It’s a film about magic, we don’t need every little detail explaining. And while we’re discussing the legends, Michael Caine doesn’t have much to do at all, just spend a bit of time looking angry. Leterrier’s direction is solid on the whole, but he’s not particularly good with action scenes. It’s one of those catch-22 situations where they could have hired an action-oriented director and had 85% of the film fall flat on its face rather than the 15% that isn’t quite up to scratch.

It’s not really a spoiler to say that the ending ruins it. The story was on the silly side but it was at least moderately logical within its own world. That’s all ruined when the scriptwriters clearly decided that they wanted to make a film that crosses The Usual Suspects with The Prestige, and those are two far better films. Some good effects and occasional glints of clever storytelling can’t hide the fact that it’s actually a very run of the mill story and not quite the film you might have expected to see based on the trailer.

Favourite scene: The police interview room montage – Eisenberg being unpleasant, Harrelson cold-reading the police interviewing him = class.

Quote: “First rule of magic: always be the smartest person in the room.”

Silly Moment: The ending. It wasn’t doing too badly until that point. It doesn’t really make any sense.

Score: 3/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzJNYYkkhzc

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Simon Prior

2013-08-21

The Black Friday sale was on, and she was determined to get that handbag.

Twitter Plot Summary: It’s the zombie apocalypse (again) so a group of survivors wait it out in a shopping mall. Retail therapy always works wonders.

Genre: Action/Horror/Thriller

Director: Zack Snyder

Key Cast: Ving Rhames, Sarah Polley, Jake Weber, Mekhi Phifer, Ty Burrell, Michael Kelly, Kevin Zegers, Lindy Booth, Matt Frewer.

Five Point Summary:

1. Peaceful American suburbia. It goes to pot.
2. Sorry, but how did she get into their house? Have they not heard about locking doors in America?
3. That is one big fat lady…
4. Shooting zombies from the roof, most amusing.
5. Two buses (both modified), one boat. What can go wrong?

Hopes were not high when a remake of seminal zombie movie Dawn of the Dead was announced. And with good reason – remakes are hardly renowned for their quality and are often pale comparisons of the original, particularly when the original is well loved by many people. The doubters needn’t have worried though, as the 2004 edition of holing up in a mall at the start of a zombie apocalypse is very good indeed. When it was released on DVD I was deep in the depths of my obsession with the zombie genre, so in a bid to watch the film on release day I journeyed out to our local shopping centre to buy it. HMV was a disappointment as they had the standard edition but I wanted the extended Directors Cut. I had to go to Woolworths of all places as they were the only ones who had it. At £17.99 for a standard DVD it was an expensive purchase, but well worth it at the time and in hindsight. That said, at the time of writing this review I can now buy the same DVD for £3.64 or the Blu-Ray for £19.99. So it goes.

The basic premise matches the original film – a group of survivors set up camp in a shopping mall when a zombie apocalypse wipes out civilisation. There’s a lot more survivors this time round, which initially gives cause for concern. Not everybody is a fully rounded character for sure, but there’s enough to warrant their presence and to get an idea of what makes them tick. With this many characters floating around (and yet more are introduced as we move along) it had the possibility of becoming incredibly cluttered, but it all balances out nicely. Of the core cast, as in the ones you’re supposed to care about, Ving Rhames is solid as tough cop Kenneth (yeah, his name’s not so tough) and Sarah Polley is likeable and resilient as Ana, who’s world is destroyed in the opening ten minutes by the zombiefied girl who lives next door. Everyone else has a few character beats, with the closest anyone gets to an arc is security guard CJ who learns, no word of a lie, to trust the other survivors thanks to a questionnaire in a magazine. There’s very little downtime as far as action goes, even in the extended cut, so horror and action fans are both well catered for.

Of course the main point of cinematic note is that this is technically the first film to give us sprinting zombies. For the record, 28 Days Later doesn’t count as they are infected with rage rather than dead. Compared to the original and, indeed, every other zombie film up until this point, introducing sprinting zombies was a proverbial shot in the arm for the genre and proved to be a Very Good Thing (TM). Sprinters are equally as scary as their shuffling brethren but for completely different reasons. The shuffling undead are all well and good as they represent an unstoppable threat, a constant sense of foreboding that, whilst slow will catch up with you eventually. A bit like death then. Sprinting zombies are a completely different kettle of fish. Unless you;re an Olympic runner or happen to have a massive number of guns (with bullets, of course) then you’re probably going to die.

The demand for public transport was far greater than the supply.

Snyder’s Dawn receives plaudits for the special effects, both practical and CGI, and the decision to have the zombies undergo three stages of decay as the film progresses is a stroke of genius. There’s also a very good reason for it receiving an 18 rating in the UK – just watch that claret fly! It also receive brownie points for squeezing in cameos and references to the original film’s cast, crew and setting. Ken Foree pops up as a TV evangelist and gets to say THAT line again, and the mall is packed with little nods to those associated with Romero’s original. Some bits don’t really work (the only zombie baby you ever need to see is the one from Braindead), but you can forgive little issues like that because on the whole it’s thoroughly good.

The soundtrack is rather good too. I’m not sure sure how much Disturbed were paid but Down With The Sickness pops up three times, in three different variations. Disturbed’s original? Yep, fine. A lounge version by Richard Cheese? Sign me up. A lift muzak edition? Er, yeah okay then, why not? There’s also the genius use of The Man Comes Around by Johnny Cash. In fact it’s because of this film that I started listening to Cash, so it’s something else I can thank this film for.

Let’s ignore the fact this is a remake, simply because it works as a film in its own right. The survivors trapped in a mall or other large building trope is part of the fabric of the zombie genre anyway, and it’s quite a way away from both the style and the story of the original so it’s more a re-imagining than an actual remake. However you look at it, reboots of established film properties are not always a bad thing. Mostly, yes, but not always. This one’s worth your time.

Favourite scene: Sniping zombies from the roof of the mall, picking them out based on their resemblance to famous celebrities.

Quote: “Oh, I get it. You saw hell yesterday. Now you’re scared of going to hell for all the bad things you’ve done. I’ll tell you what. Go in the stall, say five Hail Marys, wipe your ass, and you and God can call it even.”

Silly Moment: Using a chainsaw in a moving bus. Bad idea, bro.

Score: 4/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZGLRIOQHOY

Runaway Jury (2003)

Simon Prior

2013-08-20

Hoffman does his best Alan Partridge impression. "Sorry, I'm stood very close to you..." — Hoffman does his best Alan Partridge impression. “Sorry, I’m stood very close to you…”

Twitter Plot Summary: John Cusack and Rachel Weisz manipulate a trial that is targeting a gun manufacturer.

Genre: Drama/Thriller

Director: Gary Fleder

Key Cast: John Cusack, Rachel Weisz, Gene Hackman, Dustin Hoffman, Bruce Davison, Bruce McGill, Jeremy Piven.

Five Point Summary:

1. Man goes crazy in  office block!
2. Jeremy Piven. Greener than something that is very green.
3. Forget the fact they’re hacking John Cusack’s computer, have you seen the state of his flat?
4. Hackman and Hoffman, united at last. In a… bathroom?
5. The plot threads all come together and… yeah, it was obvious in hindsight.

There’s a fine line to be walked with courtroom dramas. Get it wrong and you’re left with a big group of people just sat around a courtroom boring you to tears. Where Runaway Jury gets it right is by having compelling characters on all fronts and not just limiting the action to the courtroom. I’m not actually aware of any films where it’s a self-contained courtroom-only drama, so I’m not really sure what point I was trying to make. Moving on…

A man goes crazy with a gun and kills a few people. Two years later a case against the gun manufacturer reaches court. On the one hand are the defendants and their extensive team of legal experts; on the other is the “little man”, a lawyer who is incredibly talented yet lacks the resources of his opponents. He wins cases based on skill, not cash. On the side of the prosecution is Gene Hackman, lurking in the background and using all sorts of shady techniques to ensure his client gets the result they’re after. Essentially he has an evil villain’s lair where he’s orchestrating events in the courtroom. On the other side are incorruptible Dustin Hoffman and his green assistant Jeremy Piven. Then thrown into the mix are John Cusack and Rachel Weisz – Cusack is on the inside on the jury itself, attempting to manipulate the jurors to his own ends, whilst Weisz is doing the same from the outside, lobbying both Hackman and Hoffman and offering the verdict to the highest bidder.

John Cusack's Superman demo tape became viral hit "man pushes car with one hand." — John Cusack’s Superman demo tape became viral hit “man pushes car with one hand.”

Hackman and Hoffman are on fine form as opposing sides of counsel, although they don’t have any direct interaction until late in the film, and only then in a single scene. It’s a fantastic scene though, the dialogue zings and the long wait for them to appear together in a film was worth it. Yes, it’s in a washroom/bathroom, so that’s a bit weird, but despite that it’s the best scene in the film. Two men with diametrically opposite philosophies coming to verbal blows, it’s simply electric. Cusack is as reliable and engaging as ever, and carries every scene he appears in – what’s his agenda? Which side of the fence is he going to fall on? Weisz’s character outside of court is less impressive, she’s integral to the story but she doesn’t have that much to do.

With all of this going on there’s plenty to try and keep track off. The script doesn’t overcomplicate the various twists and turns, so whilst you’re not quite sure what’s going to happen next you can at least keep track of everything that’s happening. The fact it’s an adaptation of a John Grisham novel is probably why it works as well as it does, his books are generally well written and pacey affairs and that has translated to the movie screen. By the time you reach the finale everything comes to a head and the various plot strands intertwine, and in theory should leave you completely clear as to why we’ve reached that point. And if not – watch it again, it will make sense. There isn’t that much to it, let’s be honest. Very good, if not spectacular.

Favourite scene: When everything comes together at the end. Finally it all makes sense.

Quote: “Gentlemen, trials are too important to be left up to juries.”

Silly Moment: It’s not much, but selecting the jury via secret cameras is a tad silly.

Score: 3.5/5

Valiant (2005)

Simon Prior

2013-08-19

Twitter Plot Summary: It’s the Battle of Britain but with talking pigeons. Isn’t it? Isn’t it though?

Genre: Animation/Adventure/Comedy/Family/War

Director: Gary Chapman

Key Cast: Ewan McGregor, Ricky Gervais, Tim Curry, Jim Broadbent, Hugh Laurie, John Cleese, John Hurt, Rik Mayall, Olivia Williams, Jonathan Ross,

Five Point Summary:

1. Five minutes in and it’s already a game of “Spot the famous voice actor.” Fun.
2. 10 minutes in and Ricky Gervais is irritating me.
3. Stereotypical French accent! Hah!
4. That message is dreadfully important. You’ll see.
5. And now for your typical action packed finale.

With a stiff upper lip, those brave carrier pigeons fly into battle in a bid to serve king and country during the dark days of World War 2. Except it’s not a particularly dark film, being aimed at the children’s market after all. Those plucky carrier pigeons are being hunted down by the apparently Nazi-owned falcons. Of course, there’s no Nazi or other German army related insignia in sight, almost as if they were worried at either offending parents or enforcing an unwanted ideology onto their young audience. Either way, they’re evil and they’re falcons, that’s all you need to know.

Valiant is a plucky (in other words, small) pigeon who wants to sign up with the Royal Carrier Pigeons and help with the war effort. After going through a rigorous (cough, splutter, nonsense) training regime, Valiant and a ragtag group of carrier pigeons are left stranded behind enemy lines with no support. It’s up to this ragtag group to pick up a message that’s important to Allied war plans, and you will discover how important by the end. There was room for the pigeons to have more of an adventure. As it is it’s Route 1 storytelling with little room for extraneous storytelling. This might have more to do with budget than anything else, but the final result is a slightly lacklustre story that needs a bit more depth to amount to anything.

So delightfully evil... he has an eye patch so he must be. — So delightfully evil… he has an eye patch so he must be.

The animation is generally okay, but looks cheap by comparison to its bigger budget American cousins. It’s as if they animated it in pre-vis style then either forgot to add the textures to everything or simply ran out of cash. The final sequence where they fly over the fields of Britain looks terrible if you focus on the background at any point. Tim Curry is delightfully sinister as the appropriately named Von Talon, his evil lair bathed in sinister purples, a stark contrast to the glorious British daylight where Valiant and chums are seen training. The main problem as far as our villain is concerned is that he spends the entirety of the movie in his evil lair and doesn’t emerge until the finale. In some respects you can tell that they were more interested in telling Valiant’s story over anything else, but for want of a better term Von Talon is all beak and no claws. The remaining voice cast – and there’s a lot of big names in there – are adequate if not spectacular, which given the calibre involved is a disappointment. It’s competent on the whole, but it’s like the recording sessions were completed in a hurry or the director told everybody to ramp up the silliness – it’s already got talking pigeons, we don’t need it any sillier. Still, as a British made production it’s admirable just for the fact it was made and released at all.

The end of the film describes the Dickin Medal, an award for animals that have displayed dedication to duty during wartime. According to the stats, the Dickin Medal has been awarded 64 times, half of those are pigeons. If nothing else comes from the film, it’s that animals can be essential during conflict. More impressively was finding out a cat has received the Dickin Medal. Will wonders never cease.

Favourite scene: Von Talon in the shower. Behind a curtain, obviously. Most amusing.

Quote:

Mercury: You don’t eat your prisoners of war, do you?
Von Talon: I’m a vegetarian.
Mercury: And yet you wear a leather cape.

Silly Moment: Ricky Gervais’ pigeon having flatulence. Sigh.

Score: 2/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rretGxhpz50

Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-08-18

One shall stand, one shall fall. One shall stand in the background.

Twitter Plot Summary: Kick-Ass has inspired a groundswell of normal folks becoming costumed superheroes. He’s also spawned the world’s first super villain.

Genre: Action/Comedy/Crime

Director: Jeff Wadlow

Key Cast: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Chloe Grace Moretz, Morris Chestnut, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Jim Carrey, Lindy Booth, John Leguizamo, Andy Nyman, Olga Kurkulina, Clark Duke, Lyndsy Fonseca, Iain Glen.

Five Point Summary:

1. Mindy dealing with high school nonsense = funny.
2. Okay, so the guy formerly known as Red Mist is clearly messed up in the head.
3. Mother Russia – imposing.
4. Super hero VS super villain smackdown.
5. Oh, is that it? I was expecting a bit more. Oh well.

I rather enjoyed the first Kick-Ass film. It was a nice change from the usual superhero gubbins, an anarchic take on the comic book movie that was filled with fun action sequences, an entertaining story and a suitably amusing Adam West impression from Nicolas Cage. To say I was looking forward to the sequel was an understatement. Then Matthew Vaughn went off with script writer Jane Goldman and made X-Men: First Class (which was equally fantastic, admittedly) but left Kick-Ass 2 without the core creative team at the top that made it all work. It was with some trepidation that I approached the sequel, with untested director Jeff Wadlow now at the helm.

It’s hard to pinpoint why exactly it lacks the “oomph” of the original film. Maybe it’s because we’ve already seen all of this before. Or perhaps it’s because the script lacks the zing that Jane Goldman brought to the first film. OR maybe it’s because Matthew Vaughn is a really good director whereas Jeff Wadlow is merely competent? OR… in fact, you could keep listing possible reasons all day and, if you’re The Kinks, all of the night as well. Put simply, whereas the original film was darkly humorous, this sequel feels lighter and less inclined to incite the wrath of Daily Mail readers, not quite sure of itself as far as tone and style are concerned. Comparing the two, this follow-up is a more conventional, run of the mill superhero film, which is a disappointment.

It’s been a couple of years since the events of the first film. Mindy has had to try to fit in with the real world; Dave Lizewski is living a normal life, and Chris D’Amico (formerly Red Mist) is plotting revenge against Kick-Ass for killing his father with a bazooka. Usual teen angsty-stuff then. Mindy’s high school woes are the best part of the story, no question. A certifiable psychopath made to attend high school? Yeah, a recipe for disaster in the making, especially when she tries fitting in with the popular girls and it doesn’t go exactly as she expected. Meanwhile Dave Lizewski decides to don the Kick-Ass outfit once more and teams up with Justice Forever, populated by a ragtag group of do-gooders with no real skills other than the desire to make the world a better place. They are led by Jim Carrey’s Colonel Stars and Stripes who is half a shade away from being on the supervillain side of the fence.

Kick-Ass knew the Colonel had released a potent nerve gas into the air, but didn't want to call him on it. — Kick-Ass knew the Colonel had released a potent nerve gas into the air, but didn’t want to call him on it.

Mintz-Plasse’s controversy-baiting villain The Motherfucker lacks the impact and gravitas of a Mark Strong, but then his brief scene with Iain Glen as his Uncle Ralph emphasises just how far down the chain of villainy he really is. I suspect that he’s supposed to be a really off the rails guy based on my knowledge of the graphic novel, but here he’s just a slightly OTT McLovin. Funny yes, but hardly credible in the villainy stakes. I don’t know, maybe that’s a deliberate move. His assorted bunch of super villains are gloriously bad stereotype, to the point where John Leguizamo’s Javier even points this out to McLovin. How else can you get away with blatantly offensive stuff like calling a short angry white man The Tumor? Or a black guy (played by Harry and Paul’s Parking Pataweyo no less) called Black Death? Less offensive are Genghis Carnage and Mother Russia, but even so their main reason for existence is bad taste. Luckily, I find this sort of thing highly amusing.

The film itself is fine, but you really notice the lack of major input from Vaughn and Goldman. It’s not bad, just nowhere near the same level as the first movie. If this had been the first entry in the series then it might have been easier to forgive some of its problems, but as a sequel to a very well made and well received film it suffers by comparison. Perhaps a little more anarchy in terms of the story set-up would have made for a better movie, or more emphasis on the villains perhaps. Certainly more depth to the action sequences would have also made a difference. Please don’t take this criticism as a sign I didn’t enjoy the film, because I did. It’s perhaps unfair to constantly compare it to the first film, but if more of that film’s tone had been carried over then I’d have less to grumble about. That’s the way it goes though I guess.

Favourite scene: Justice Forever interrupting a poker game, with amusing consequences.

Quote: “You don’t have to be a bad-ass to be a superhero. You just have to be brave.”

Silly Moment: The Sick Stick. Whilst funny, it feels like an excerpt from a Scary Movie film.

Score: 3/5

Kick-Ass (2010)

Simon Prior

2013-08-17

"Nobody steals my Pop Tarts!" — “Nobody steals my Pop Tarts!”

Twitter Plot Summary: Dave Lizewski is your typical high school geek – unnoticed, unloved etc etc. So he decides to become a superhero. As you do.

Genre: Action/Comedy/Crime

Director: Matthew Vaughn

Key Cast: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Chloe Grace Moretz, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Nicolas Cage, Mark Strong,

Five Point Summary:

1. Geeks and knowing superhero voiceovers. This should be good.
2. There’s that C-bomb. Daily Mail readers have collective heart attack.
3. Kick-Ass isn’t a very good superhero really… must try harder.
4. Fire. Fire burn.
5. Explosive finale. Literally.

We’re very much in the midst of a comic book movie frenzy at the moment, with adaptations of a number of properties – some obvious, some not – hitting cinema screens in recent years. Mark Millar is part of a vanguard of comic book creators who have created new characters and approaches to writing comics, and subsequently it was almost inevitable that he would sell one of his comics to a movie studio.

The genesis of Kick-Ass as a film is a strange one. Not only was the script written at the same time as the comic (which may explain why the movie script works so well), but it’s a big American superhero movie that is in fact an independent British movie, which in itself is fantastic and hugely welcome. After my cinema viewing way back in the mists of time, I purchased the Blu-Ray/DVD combo set on release day from a certain popular retailer, a rarity for me. I’m usually more inclined to wait for the price to come down before I put good money down on anything. I could have actually saved a fiver by buying it online, but I wanted to watch it straight away. Therein lies the only problem with Internet shopping: you have to wait for it.

Anyway, to the film! Dave Lizewski (Taylor-Johnson, formerly just Johnson) is a run of the mill geek who decides to become a superhero called Kick-Ass. After his first attempt at preventing crime goes so horribly wrong he ends up with permanent nerve damage, after he rehabilitates himself he realises that he now has the ability to endure pain. Proper superhero stuff. Soon he crosses paths with Big Daddy (Cage) and his foul-mouthed daughter Hit-Girl (Moretz). Big Daddy is on a quest to take down mob boss Frank D’Amico (Strong) who’s responsible for the death of Big Daddy’s wife. And thus, the plot unfolds. We also encounter D’Amico’s son (Mintz-Plasse) who opts to become superhero Red Mist, who’s equally as incompetent as Kick-Ass.

The modern day Batman and Robin. Kind of. Well, not really... — The modern day Batman and Robin. Kind of. Well, not really…

The action is well choreographed, and it moves at an impressive pace. It’s also often very funny yet incredibly violent at the same time. It’s also strange to see Kick-Ass set up a Myspace page, like most technology related references it dates the film. As an antithesis to your typical superhero film it also works very nicely, subverting a lot of cliches and stereotypes yet playing up to them at the same time.

Going back to the DVD/Blu-Ray release, it also includes a fantastic Making Of documentary that almost reaches a 2 hour run time. It covers every aspect of the production of the movie from start to finish, and despite Matthew Vaughan stressing almost constantly about the film’s quality (and with good reason), it conjures the image that making the film was great fun to make, from all parties involved. Even more impressive was that four different composers were used for the soundtrack, which I’ve not seen before in my movie-related travels. The documentary also pointed out that the music from Big Daddy’s attack on the lumber business was custom written for the film and wasn’t a direct rip of the awesome theme from 28 Days Later (the same theme that was horribly overused in 28 Weeks Later). Turns out you do learn things by watching the special features.

A lot has been made about an 11 year old girl dropping the C-Bomb, but compared to the original comic the movie is incredibly tame by comparison. It’s still violent and uncompromising, yes, but it’s nothing compared to a torture porn movie. I really don’t see what the problem is. But then, I’m not really a moral crusader with nothing better to do. Kick-Ass deserves plaudits for being a full budget British production that doesn’t pull its punches and has a hugely entertaining story to tell. It’s also restored my faith both in Nicolas Cage and Matthew Vaughan as creative talent, which was a pleasant surprise and it actually gave me more of a reason to catch up on more of their material.

 Favourite scene: Hit-Girl’s entrance. Controversial yet awesome.

Quote: “In the world I lived in, heroes only existed in comic books. And I guess that’d be okay, if bad guys were make-believe too, but they’re not.”

Silly Moment: Nicolas Cage as Big Daddy speaking like Adam West. Silly genius.

Score: 4/5

Salt (2010)

Simon Prior

2013-08-16

Twitter Plot Summary: Angelina Jolie’s FIA agent goes on the run after being accused of being a Russian spy.

Genre: Action/Crime/Mystery/Thriller

Director: Phillip Noyce

Key Cast: Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber, Chiwetel Ejiofor, August Diehl.

Five Point Summary:

1. I’m not a spy! I’m not a spy! I’m not a… no, sorry, I AM a spy.
2. Well at least the action scenes are decent. Bravo.
3. Yawnsome flashback tale…
4. Fake face =blatant rip-off of Mission Impossible. Rip-off. Hah! I made a funny.
5. Slowest. Nuclear. Authorisation. Ever.

I’m not sure what I avoided watching Salt in the first instance. I think I was put off by the fact it was an action film starring Angelina Jolie – I wasn’t overly enthused with the second Tomb Raider movie so that’s probably why. Now that I have seen it, it appears my initial preconceptions were misguided. I’ll try and avoid pre-judging anything else in future.

We’re in modern/slightly in the future political thriller territory with this one. It’s an intriguing concept if nothing else – what would happen if we found out that a number of Russian sleeper agents are undercover in a number of prominent positions, waiting to be activated? This would have been more culturally relevant in the 80s, perhaps. The fall of the Soviet Union hasn’t really done the story any favours. But still, we press on and if you ignore the fact the Cold War ended 20+ years ago (or did it?!?!?!) it’s a fun story with its own fair share of twists and turns. Is Evelyn Salt (Jolie) really a Russian sleeper spy, or has she been set up? If there are sleeper agents all over the place, is everybody who they say they are? I’ll say this now – don’t try and over think it. It’s not really worth your time spending the film wondering who’s a spy and who isn’t. Well, if you watch the standard theatrical cut of course, there are a number of changes to the story if you see one of the two extended editions, which elevate things to silly levels of twisty turny insanity.

Liev couldn't help but wonder if Angelina had released a silent but deadly gas into the room. — Liev couldn’t help but wonder if Angelina had released a silent but deadly gas into the room.

Director Phillip Noyce comes from good action thriller stock having previously directed Patriot Games and Clear And Present Danger. You know, those two Jack Ryan films starring Harrison “he belongs in a museum!” Ford. There’s a bucketload of kinetic action and the story moves at a frantic pace, almost too frantic at times. Still, once again you can clearly see everything that’s happening without thinking you’re having a seizure, so you know… bonus. If I’m going to complain about anything, it’s that Chiwetel Ejiofor didn’t have nearly enough to do. The man doesn’t need to be playing the straight-laced detective type, give him something meatier like his role in Serenity. Schreiber is his usual reliable self in the same sort of role he’s usually cast in. And then of course there’s Angelina Jolie who apparently did most of her own stunts and is as reliable an action star as you could hope to have, as it happens. It’s clear from the footage that it’s Angelina and not a badly placed stunt double doing a lot of the work, which adds a huge amount to the film. It’s not to the same extent as Tom Cruise scaling up a massive rock or a massive tower in Asia (see the Mission Impossible franchise), but it’s certainly competitive. The stars performing stunts, where safe and possible of course, is always a good thing.

Thrillers come in three flavours – intense, edge-of-your-seat stuff from start to finish; boring dross that barely holds your attention and probably runs for 20 minutes longer than it needs to; then there’s Salt, sat right in the middle. A fun 100 minutes while you’re watching it, but almost instantly forgotten when you’re done. We should count ourselves lucky though – Tom Cruise was attached for some time, and despite his talent and immense box office draw, I don’t think it would have helped the story in any way. If you want something to mull over, go and get the extended cuts on DVD/Blu-Ray, that opens everything up despite only modifying a few bits here and there. Interesting, if not exactly necessary.

Favourite scene: The motorcycle action sequence. Some nice stunts there.

Quote: Peabody: I’d say she’s a trained goddamn liar, and everything she’s said up until now has been to protect her cover.
Winter: Why don’t you tell me how you really feel about it.

Silly Moment: Salt wears a fake face, Mission Impossible style. Looks stupid.

Score: 3/5

Starship Troopers: Invasion (2012)

Simon Prior

2013-08-15

Twitter Plot Summary: More Starship Troopers fun, this time in animated form. Rico orders the Alesia to find a missing ship.

Genre: Animation/Action/Sci-Fi

Director: Shinii Aramaki

Key Cast: Luci Christian, Justin Doran, David Matranga,

Five Point Summary:

1. Bugs go squish! Boom!
2. Gratuitous animated nudity? Nah, does nothing for me.
3. Rico looks like Big Boss from Metal Gear Solid.
4. Best way to deal with a giant bug? A knife fight to the death, naturally.
5. Oh noes! Sequel opportunities!

Starship Troopers, a franchise spawned from the books of Robert Heinlein and with this entry marking four films since the original in 1997. Review coming soon, honest. Invasion marks a change of pace and a change of style, as rather than making a live action sequel they’ve gone down the Resident Evil/Dead Space route and made an anime of it instead. On a mission to find an Earth vessel that’s gone dark, a squad of marines (all of whom are essentially ciphers) are tasked with helping return the ship to Earth. There they find a big bug controlling it and it’s – GASP! – set a direct course for Earth! Cue story!

The animation, rather confusingly, looks simultaneously good yet a bit iffy. The shots in space of the various ships and space stations look tasty, but the bugs, the gore and some of the characters look quite, quite bad. It’s like a 90 minute cutscene from an early Playstation 3 video game, like a poor man’s Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. Like Jack Dee with a smile on his face. Etc.

The action’s not that bad, but it loses marks because the film lacks all of the satire and B-Movie style fun of the live action films. The series suffered when it tried to go dark and low budget Starship Troopers 2, which thankfully they realised was a huge mistake before making part 3, Marauder. You’re probably here for big dumb action scenes (check), gratuitous nudity (check, if a bit creepy), and biting political satire (klaxon). Yep, almost zero satire. Your enjoyment will therefore depend on whether or not you’re a fan of the original satirical, darkly humorous edge, or if you think those sequences brought the film down. Personally I’d prefer more of that, it feels a little too much a generic, computer generated anime to deserve repeat viewings. I’d even go so far as to say, perhaps with some degree of heresy, that Roughnecks: Starship Trooper Chronicles is a much better example of what to do with the franchise if you’re going down the animated route, albeit in that case it remove 100% of the violence.

Rico is the same character we’ve met previously, yet disappointingly he is not voiced by Casper van Dien. He also now sports an eye patch and bears an uncanny resemblance to Big Boss from the Metal Gear series. He looks like a proper general at this point though rather than… well, rather than Casper Van Dien, so there are some things to be grateful for. Carmen and Doogie Hauser… sorry – psychic chap Carl Jenkins – also return, once again disappointingly not voiced by their original film counterparts. I know Neil Patrick Harris is a busy chap, but surely Casper Van Dien and Denise Richards could spare a day in the recording booth? Apparently not.

Whichever way you look at it, it’s still a darn sight better than Starship Troopers 2, and is only a hair’s breadth away from being on par with the better than expected Starship Troopers 3. If they’d just made an effort to throw in some of the “Would you like to know more?” sequences from the live action films then this would have been indelibly better. I suppose they were trying to branch out with their own interpretation and make it stand out on its own, which it does, but at the same time it doesn’t really feel like a Starship Troopers movie.

Favourite scene: Sniper Trig wiping out bugs left right and centre with her MASSIVE sniper rifle, one bullet at a time.

Quote: “A flash of inspiration.”

Silly Moment: The shower scene. Sorry, but what was the point in that?

Score: 2.5/5

Assault on Precinct 13 (2005)

Simon Prior

2013-08-14

"Who did this to my blinds? I only put them up last week!" — “Who did this to my blinds? I only put them up last week!”

Twitter Plot Summary: It’s New Year’s Eve and a cop must rally police and prisoners together to protect themselves from a full scale assault on the station.

Genre: Action/Crime/Drama/Thriller

Director: Jean-Francois Richet

Key Cast: Ethan Hawke, Laurence Fishburne, Gabriel Byrne, Maria Bello, Drea de Matteo, John Leguizamo, Ja Rule, Brian Dennehy, Currie Graham.

Five Point Summary:

1. Drea de Matteo: does she even need to be here?
2. Old cop is about to retire… let’s see if that trope holds true.
3. Man on fire! Woop!
4. Contra-zoom!
5. Fire! FIRE!

Okay, so before I go any further with this, I haven’t seen the original film so my opinion of this remake has not been influenced by John Carpenter’s original. It’s another film that’s on my big list which I’m hoping to get around to this year, but we’ll see what happens. Real life has a nasty habit of getting in the way of these things.

First of all, this version of Precinct 13 actually has some big names in the cast. Ethan Hawke! Laurence Fishburne! Gabriel Byrne! John Leguizamo! Er… Drea De Matteo. On all fronts the acting is strong and relatively believable. Except maybe Drea De Matteo, who plays the same character she always seems to play – slutty New Yorker. Fishburne gets to do his Morpheus thing by wearing sunglasses at night and shanking men in the neck during a church sermon. Oh wait, that last bit isn’t Morpheus is it? Moving on…

It’s New Year’s Eve and Precinct 13, the oldest police precinct in Chicago, is about to be closed down. It just so happens that Marion Bishop (Fishburne) cop killer and notorious criminal type (see the aforementioned church shanking as an example), is sent to the precinct before he’s transferred to the court where he will testify against the corrupt cops in the force. Those same corrupt cops then besiege the precinct and the disparate group inside then have to hold out until morning. What follows is a night of constant assault against the building and those trapped inside.

Sgt Roenick (Hawke) has stuck himself behind a desk following a bust that ended in the death of his team. Since then he’s been dealing with the guilt of not being able to save them, which rather conveniently is now echoed through the assault on his precinct. He feels a responsibility for everybody under his protection and this explains why he makes the choices he does as the assault escalates. Despite being on separate sides of the law, there’s a grudging respect between Roenick and Bishop which results in them putting their differences aside until they are in the clear.

As a modern action thriller the production values are good and it’s nicely shot. Whilst most of the film is set at night you can always see what’s going on, which a lot of cinematographers can learn a lesson from. There’s a few plot inconsistencies where you have to suspend your disbelief a little in order to accommodate them, and there are a few twists that leave you thinking “Eh? What?” Jus consider this when you watch it – where exactly is that forest in relation to the station? Best thing you can do is set your brain into neutral and just go along with the ride.

Even without seeing the original version you can still telegraph the entire plot from the start, which does count against it somewhat. Even so, it’s an entertaining ride all the same. It’s a simple plot but that stops it from getting bogged down in inconsistencies and convoluted plot threads. A worthy action thriller, if not an essential one to add to your collection.

Favourite scene: Flashbang in the pocket = bad.

Quote: “I want to live; as opposed to I don’t want to die.”

Silly Moment: John Leguizamo does a runner, because apparently he’s not that clever.

Score: 3/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em5blAbl2Iw

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