Camping Holiday – Day 2 – Tuesday 17th August 2010

2013-08-30

This post was originally published on www.randomstoat.com on 24 August 2010.

I got off to an early start on Tuesday. It’s been four years since my last camping trip and I dont think I’ll ever get used to waking up with the brightest light in the sky shining in my face. So, I made toilet, showered and got dressed, forgetting every few minutes that I had to keep pushing the button to keep water running in the shower. Accursed timed water release…

I waited for the others to get up, making the most of the spare time by lounging about, watching the world go by and reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy. The lack of punctuation and speech marks was initially jarring but once you get into the story it begins to make sense. The plan for he day was to head into Newquay so the ladies in our group could do some shopping, which was all done rather quickly from what I recall. I think I can blame a combination of Mountain Dew Energy and the long trip the day before, but I ended up feeling a bit cranky and reached the point of no return when it was decided to head to the beach for a bit. I’m not really a beach person, so after lurking near the shops for a bit I decided to retreat back to the car and listen to some podcasts.

This caused a minor incident which I won’t go into too much detail with, but I decided to sit in the car for a while before heading back to the campsite, where I continued reading The Road and partaking in more anti-social behaviour like listing to podcasts with my headphones in while everyone else enjoyed the sunlight while it lasted and threw a whistling American football thing amongst themselves.

Dinner was at the Quintrell Arms, where I decided to have a chicken curry to bring me out of my stroppiness. It then transpired that they had sold out and I had to choose something else. That really didn’t help my mood, further compounded when I received a portion of cheesy garlic bread as a starter. A whole portion indeed of the half a portion I usually get. I could only eat one piece of it, not because it was unpleasant (it was incredibly nice as it happens) but I have a slight issue with digesting garlic, so erm… Yeah.

Adding insult to injury, I threatened to drive home and abandon my passengers in Newquay (harking back to a comment made to me earlier in the day), which didn’t go down too well, and which I managed to keep bottled up until the main course was served. Great timing. Sorted that out reasonably quickly though, and felt much better afterwards, both for releasing my inner annoyance and for having a hot meal.

I’ve had a think about how my little strops work, and I’ve come to the decision that it is 99% based on excessive tiredness. I’ve also decided the only way for me to get over it is to go off and do my own thing for a bit, so a word to the wise if I’m ever being a bit grouchy – just leave me to it.

I don’t really recall what we got up to in the evening, I think it was mostly a case of sitting around outside the tents until it was too cold to stay outside. Then, glorious sleep. I’m happy to report that the rest of my week was much better after a temporary blip in personality. Camping: it brings out the worst in you at times.

Tales From Earthsea (2006)

Simon Prior

2013-08-30

By the power of Greyskull... — By the power of Greyskull…

Twitter Plot Summary: In a world beset by pestilence a young prince runs away and meets up with a wizard who is investigating the troubles.

Genre: Animation/Adventure/Fantasy

Director: Goro Miyazaki

Key Cast: Timothy Dalton, Willem Defoe, Matt Levin, Cheech Marin, Mariska Hargitay,

Five Point Summary:

1. Timothy Dalton on the English voice cast = five bonus points.
2. Horsetown. I don’t see many horses.
3. That boy’s got evil in him…
4. Arren feels all down in the dumps, but it’s all up to him to save the day. Someone should sing Hakuna Matata at him.
5. It’s all gone a bit He-Man. HE HAS THE POWER!

Opening with a ship at sea in tumultuous weather, the crew are disturbed by a brace of dragons fighting above them. Dragons aren’t supposed to be visible in the human world, hence why this is a somewhat odd situation. Meanwhile young Prince Arren runs away (after bumping off his father, the Ki), and meets wizard Sparrowhawk. Turns out that Sparrowhawk is investigating thr blight that is afflicting the land, which leads them inevitably to Cob, another wizard/mage who wants to live forever and clearly has never seen The Highlander.

Regrettably I’ve not read Ursula Le Guin’s source novels, so I can only base my opinion on how the film works. It takes elements of the first four Earthsea novels and the title from a short story collection. Got all that? Right. I get the impression that the fantasy elements were toned down to bring the story more in line with Studio Ghibli’s previous output, but having no knowledge of the books I suppose I’ll have to do some research into that… not right now though, let’s just look at the film.

Villain Cob is like an image of what androgynous David Bowie might look like nowadays had he maintained his Ziggy Stardust persona into the present day like some ageing Kiss tribute artist. I’m not sure if he’s supposed to be a man or a woman; in the English dub it appears to be a “he”, voiced with venomous intent by Willem Dafoe. As heroic wizard Sparrowhawk Timothy Dalton is his usual excellent, entertaining self, getting to play the Obi-Wan role to Arren’s Luke Skywalker.

It’s another “world and nature imbalance” story, buy this time transposed to Le Guin’s fantasy realm. That’s a Ghibli stable alongside the standard “boy meets girl” plot, I’m not sure I can list any Ghibli films where that isn’t the case. Thankfully it’s never something that’s forced down your throat, and there’s an added theme of being afraid of life, welcoming death because unlike most animals we’re self aware and we know that eventually we will feel death’s icy embrace, and so on. This is the film at its most preachy, but this only lasts for a couple of minutes tops, so it’s not something you should be universally worried about. What’s more concerning is its lapse into mental Akira territory towards the end. It doesn’t go as mad as having a boy turn into a giant ball of flesh, but it’s sufficiently out there, for a few minutes, to perhaps cause you to raise an eyebrow.

The animation is typically excellent, although Hayao Miyazaki’s son Goro is on directorial duties this time round. Whilst the animation style is usual Ghibli, it lacks some of the charm and pizazz of Miyazaki Senior’s efforts. I’m sure with time Goro will become a competent anime director, but for now at least he needs to work on balancing the pathos and emotional storytelling for which his father is best known. Only then will he have managed to step out of his father’s shoes by, ironically, stepping into them. Not an instant classic like most of Studio Ghibli’s other releases then, but it’s a compelling effort all the same.

Favourite scene: It’s very early on, but the opening scene with the dragon battle. It implies there’s a big fantasy epic on the way, but it ends up being a standard Ghibli story. Not actually a bad thing, but could have easily gone super epic.

Quote: “Opening the door is forbidden! Have you finally gone mad?!”

Sparrowhawk reacts badly to Cob leaving the door open and allowing pennies worth of heating to escape out into the cold winter’s night.

Silly Moment: Any scene with Cheech Marin.

Score: 3.5/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5igcvnS9Hho

The Heat (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-08-29

Twitter Plot Summary: One strict by the book cop has to work with a slobby, foulmouthed cop. Both get results. Both are women. Glory be.

Genre: Action/Comedy/Crime

Director: Paul Feig

Key Cast: Sandra Bullock, Melissa McCarthy, Marlon Wayans, Michael Rapaport, Jane Curtin, Spoken Reasons, Thomas F Wilson.

Five Point Summary:

1. So far so typical – let’s set both characters up as polar opposites and throw them together.
2. Hey, it’s Biff Tannen!
3. Dropping a guy from a great height onto a car is better than dropping a guy from a great height to the floor.
4. The albino DEA guy is actually funny. Who knew?
5. Brace yourself for a twist… but only a tiny one. We don’t want to tax the audience too much.

It’s definitely been a year of cinema excess – comic book movies, big science fiction epics (or attempts at epicness), and sequel after sequel after sequel. And so it is with some relief that we have The Heat, the sophomore effort from director Paul Feig after the immense success of Bridesmaids in 2011, which I’m sad to say I’ve not yet had chance to watch. I’m working my way towards it, honest.

The plot is your usual buddy cop cliche and in the grand scheme of things isn’t really that important. That said, it would have been nice to have a villain with the same sort of personality as Joss “DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY!” Ackland from Lethal Weapon 2. Much like 2 Guns, you’re here for the interplay between Bullock and McCarthy, mismatched cops who form a bond for no other reason than the script puts them together and tells them to get on with it. As they meander from butting heads to kinship, you get echoes of the buddy copy movies of years gone by – Lethal Weapon, Dragnet… erm… Lethal Weapon 2… Turner and Hooch? The key difference here is the gender of the leads, that’s the Unique Selling Point that justifies the film’s existence. At the same time, and this is to its detriment, is that the film could have easily been made in the 80s and nobody would have really noticed a difference. It doesn’t reinvent the wheel by any margin, but that doesn’t matter because it’s actually really funny. Breath a sigh of relief, people.

It’s a long film for a comedy, but doesn’t grate as much as the epically long funny films of Judd Apatow and his stable. If it had been any longer then there would be serious cause for complaint, as it is it’s ever so slightly flabby and could do with tightening up just a tad. Not much, mind, but cutting 5-10 minutes would help. 2 hours is a bit of a stretch for consistent laughter, and despite a few areas where it lags the laughs are consistent. That comes as a relief bearing in mind how disappointing many recent comedies have been, but again this could be tied to the retro feel of the plot. Pretty much everything was funny in the 80s, even if it wasn’t supposed to be. Having a comedy with an actual plot is also a selling point, we don’t see it often enough these days.

If I’m going to complain about anything, it’s the horrific photoshopping of Melissa McCarthy’s face on the poster. Every time I saw it I wanted to hurt the person responsible. Not because it’s a slight on Ms McCarthy (because I couldn’t really care less about that), but for the fact the person they’ve photoshopped her into now barely resembles her. If I was of lower intelligence I’d demand my money back if the person in the film didn’t match the face on the poster. I would also ask Melissa McCarthy to do something a little different in her next role – being loudmouthed and vulgar will only get you so far before people grow tired of it. In this case I’ll let her off as her chemistry with Sandra Bullock is spot on. And as for Ms Bullock, her comedy timing is spot on as always. Good film, good cast, worth a punt.

Favourite scene: The first scene with the albino DEA agent. Hilarious stuff.

Quote: “I’ll shut the door on you. You lay down here and put your head in the door. And I’ll slam it about 157,000 times.”

Silly Moment: The drunken bar montage.

Score: 3.5/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ST16k80bDYE

You’re Next (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-08-28

Twitter Plot Summary: A family reunion takes a turn for the horrific when a gang of killers descend on the house. But there’s a twist…

Genre: Comedy/Horror/Thriller

Director: Adam Wingard

Key Cast: Sharni Vinson, Nicholas Tucci, Wendy Glenn, AJ Bowen, Joe Swanberg, Margaret Laney, Amy Seimetz, LC Holt, Simon Barrett, Lane Hughes

Five Point Summary:

1. Seems like a nice family. Shame we don’t really get to know any of them…
2. That house is simultaneously a maze and the least secure place I have ever seen.
3. One woman army. Brap brap.
4. Ooh, a twist!
5. Rule #1 of scriptwriting comes into play again. Completely subverting your expectation.

As a side note before I get into the review-proper, this is probably the fastest I’ve put together a review after I’ve seen a film at the cinema – I’ve been home less than an hour and the review’s done. Sign of either a good or a bad film that. On a similar note, I should apologise if this review is worse than my usual fare, it was written in a bit of a hurry…

You’re Next. It’s a delightfully inviting title for a film. That or an indication that they used that as a temporary name for the film when making it and couldn’t come up with anything better before release. However you look at it, the film deserves your time and attention, which is why I’m getting my review in as quickly as possible.

The setup: a family of four kids – three brothers and a sister, each with an other half in tow – unite with their parents at the isolated mansion-esque home that their father is in the process of fixer-uppering. As they all get together for dinner, the house is attacked by a strange group all wearing animal masks. A few crossbow bolts fired into the room is enough to instill panic, and this ensues for pretty much the rest of the film. Inevitably characters are whittled away in a variety of inventive methods, but then there’s a sting in the tail – it turns out Erin, girlfriend of beardy Kevin Smith-a-like Crispian (the ultimate combination of crisps and a particular brand of bottled water) – is a dab hand at survival techniques and killing peeps.

Just for once, the trailer didn’t give away 99% of the story. The use of Lou Reed’s Perfect Day perfectly sets up the film and the situation without going into spoiler territory. In fact, the only complaint I can throw at it is that Perfect Day isn’t in the film itself. Sorry, spoilers. It’s about as perfect a trailer you’re going to get these days, so check it out at the end of this review, it’s worth your time before you head off and see the film in full. If the trailer intrigues you then you’ll probably enjoy the full movie a lot.

They hadn't been told that the fancy dress was cancelled. — They hadn’t been told that the fancy dress was cancelled.

As this is a horror movie characters inevitably make decisions that don’t make any sense at all in the grand scheme of things. It gets gradually more silly, knowingly so, as the story moves forward, and for that I applaud it. Vociferously. Yes, I sometimes use big words, I’m sorry. Some of the best modern horror movies are those that have gone out of their way to subvert your expectations. Earlier this year I watched Mama and Evil Dead at the cinema, which didn’t so much subvert expectations as fully embrace them, Evil Dead in particular. You’re Next does subvert your expectations at certain points, but then it also revels in doing exactly what you’re expecting it to.

I only have one gripe and that’s the whole issue with the neighbours. Spoilers ahead, conveniently hidden for your benefit, because I’m nice like that.

[spoiler title=”Spoilers Ahoy!” open=”0″ style=”1″]So why did the killers bump off the neighbour and his probably too young bit on the side? I know their home is a bit close to the action, but their deaths seem a tad unnecessary. It wouldn’t be so bad if this was explained within the film, instead it’s just ignored and pushed quietly to one side. While we’re in the spoiler tags, I found the whole “Why won’t you die?!” spiel quite funny, if a bit of a tonal shift at that point in the film. Given how silly things get after that, it kind of makes sense in hindsight.[/spoiler]

Amongst the violence there are some genuinely funny moments too, more of them if you’re twisted like me and find the violence amusing. I think some of it was supposed to be funny anyway, so that elevated it for me. The incredibly shaky handheld camerawork threatens to derail proceedings on occasion, but it settles down before it becomes irritating. I also really liked the soundtrack – you know things are getting serious when the score goes all 80s on us. For those of us who enjoy horror films, get along to your local Cineplex and check this out, it’s worth the price of entry.

Favourite scene: The inventive use of a photo camera in a dark room.

Quote: “This wasn’t a random attack! Our family’s being targeted!”

Silly Moment: Running towards the door and… oh my.

Score: 4/5

Camping Holiday – Day 1 – Monday 16th August 2010

Simon Prior

2013-08-28

This post was originally published on www.randomstoat.com on 23 August 2010.

The day started off early (The alarm going off at 6.40am was a bit startling to say the least), allowing plenty of time to make sure the car was packed and to give me time to pick up my three passengers for the trip down to Newquay. A quick round of toast and a final check before I set out. All three passengers were ready at the appointed time and we set out almost on schedule at 8.30am. Unfortunately for everybody in the car, they were pressed in like sardines. Being the driver I think I was the most comfortable all the way down, physically at any rate. Emotionally I was dealing with the fact I couldn’t see out of my rear window, something I’ve never really had to deal with whilst driving before.

What followed was a four hour car journey down to the South West. We only had to stop on two occasions, once just past Bristol for a toilet stop, and once again planned for Junction 28 on the M5, where we would meet up with the other two cars in our proposed convoy. A snag was instantly hit in that no services were signposted at Junction 28, so I carried on to the rather impressive services at Junction 30. Managed to resist buying a Burger King meal, I have a pathological desire to eat them whenever I go away on holiday, mostly because it’s a long distance to travel to buy one at home.

We met up with Adam, but Ant and Rich ended up missing the turn and somehow ended up traveling south towards Plymouth. We decided to carry on and meet them somewhere along the way. I was glad to discover that Mountain Dew has returned to these shores, in the form of Mountain Dew Energy. By the time I got to drink it it had gone warm, so I may have to seek out another bottle and drink it as nature intended – chilled. Shame it cost £1.70 a bottle at the services…

We eventually met up with Ant and Rich on the A30 towards Newquay, and after another brief stop at a petrol station we continued on to the camp site at Trethiggey. It wasn’t too difficult to find, about 600 yards from the main through-road to Newquay. Just out of the way of most of the traffic and not horrendously busy, unlike the camp site a bit further down the road – very busy, situated right on the main road, and very restrictive in that you have to park your car next to the tent. Trethiggey was much more pleasant. A convenience shop and a reasonably priced bar/restaurant, a separate car park and the option to pitch your tent anywhere you like in the field. Naturally we positioned our three tents in a triangular formation, spurning outsiders and firmly establishing a base camp. The toilet and washing facilities were pretty decent for a campsite, four showers, four toilets and a trough for peeing in. I’ve never been one for using a trough or urinal, but I could smell them from some distance away. Even more concerning was that the games room was next door to the gents toilets, and you could hear people talking through the wall as if they were stood outside your cubicle. A bit freaky.

Setting up the tents was surprisingly easy, none more so for my tent as I’d never actually tried setting it up until our arrival. Once the sleeping arrangements were sorted we popped to McDonalds for a quick snack, then to Morrisons next door for BBQ food and supplies. I have never seen a supermarket quite as busy as that, and I spent seven years working Christmas week at Tesco.

We struggled through the masses and bought man food – meat, bread and beer. Well, I bought Dr Pop seeing as I’m not the drinking type, but still, enduring image isn’t it? We headed back to the campsite and set fire to some meat (all rather tasty). After the food was consumed it was getting on a bit, so we decided to nip up to the Quintrell Arms, a pub just a short walk from the campsite. They had some really nice red leather chairs in the bar, conjuring the image of some exclusive gentlemen’s club. But of course it wasn’t – it was a family pub.

The evening at the pub drew to a close as we all finished our first drink, the travels of the day obviously having their toll. Except on me, I was pumped full of Mountain Dew Energy. It took a while to get off to sleep, but I managed it eventually. Then we just had to deal with the excessive number of rabbits that roam the grounds at night, some of which decided to sleep against some of our tents. Thankfully I didn’t have any close encounters…

The Perils of an Overactive Mind

Simon Prior

2013-08-27

I find myself incredibly busy for most of my waking existence. 10 hours every weekday are committed to work and my daily commute. One evening a week I go and visit the family. One night I attend a pub quiz, and at least one night a week I visit the cinema. Weekends are equally as busy – social engagements and more family visits compete with my hobbies of films, TV, video games, scale modelling and, of course, writing. Background interests of making funny videos, listening to podcasts and reading also do their best to get some attention, so as you can imagine there’s very rarely any time where I can claim to be bored. Currently I have about 12 days of audio books to work through (that’s listening non-stop – more than it sounds); the letters P-Z on my big A-Z playlist of all the music I own, a playlist that I’ve spent about 5 years working through, on and off; approximately 200 books thanks to Kindle sales and discount book shops; a few years of TV series to catch up on (thank you, Netflix); 40-odd films on DVD/Blu-Ray that I’ve not got round to watching; 30-odd TV series and box sets on DVD; 20 scale models to build; around 600 video games old and new to play; and just over 13 months of 2000AD to catch up on. There’s also new films in the cinema every week, plus everything else on Netflix that takes my fancy. Amongst all of this I then have to find time for friends, family and writing stuff for this website.

The reasons for such a huge backlog of stuff to do is twofold. First is that until this time last year I’d been in a relationship for 6 years, and as is the natural way of things I barely had time to myself for any great length of time. I’ve basically spent the last 12 months catching up, and I expect it to take at least another year for me to getting anywhere near close to managing my backlogs. If I do happen to meet the future Mrs P before then, it’s going to take me infinitely longer to get up to speed, so I try not to think about that too often. The second reason is because I have ready access to a lot of stuff, the technological revolution is great as far as finding and (legally) accessing new content, be it streaming films and music or by easily downloading the MP3’s within minutes of purchasing them. It’s great being able to stream and access films and music wherever I go, but it also means more content for me to try and absorb.

Now, the real problem here is me, no questions about that, I freely admit to it. My imagination and mind in general is so overactive that I’m always seeking out new things to do and new things to see, and as a result I very rarely go back and re-watch something that I’ve enjoyed – this is because I usually remember 95% of the story and action before I get chance to play it, thus rendering a repeat viewing moot. This stretches to my writing as well – I have that many ideas bubbling around that it’s hard to focus on any one project for too long before growing bored. The fact I’ve been able to write a review a day for this website for nearly 3 months is nothing short of a miracle. I’ve got a ridiculous amount of ideas for films, radio series and sitcoms all floating around, and it’s a stream of ideas that never seems to end. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s difficult to focus sometimes, and therein lies the problem.

One method I’ve tried for coping with this is to focus on a single project at any one time, do what I can until I either get bored or reach an impasse and then move onto something else. Rinse, repeat, ad nauseam. I’ve also thrown out a lot of interests and hobbies over the years to try and scale things down to a manageable level, which has helped to an extent. Going out and making videos was fun, but right this moment it’s not fulfilling on a creative level. So temporarily at least I’ve dropped that, although I do plan on resuming this activity at some point. Most of my malaise stems from the YouTube figures we have. Of the 100+ videos we have uploaded since 2009, we’ve had thousands of hits on our channel. All well and good, but when you consider that most of those hits are on about 6 videos, there’s a lot of effort going into making these things with very little reward. Hence why at the moment I’m focusing on my writing as I think that’s possibly a better USP than some less than stellar reviews of video games.

Onto writing projects that I have buzzing around, I have three or four decent concepts for a sitcom that I can draw on, the plan being to develop them over the rest of this year and then start sending ideas off from next year. I’m also building up to Nanowrimo in November. Again I’ve got about four or five decent ideas for novels that I can draw upon (I’ve discarded a lot more), so I need to pick one of those and develop it before I commit to churning out a story in November.

One of the other problems I have is deadlines, or a lack thereof. If I have a project to do for someone else then there’s always a set deadline and I never miss, a bit like a deadline version of Marvel’s Bullseye. When it’s a deadline I’ve set myself – somewhat less impressive. I’ve been planning an audio series called The Adventures of Trent Samuels for a few years now. In fact the project dates back to 2005, and I’m at the stage where I have a full 7 series arc in place and I just have to write it. Currently I’m working on series 4. Now, initially I’d planned to record all 7 series in 2012, edit in 2013 and then release an episode a week in 2014. Yet here I am still dwelling on the first episode of series 4. My counter-argument to this deemed procrastination is that there’s no point rushing it and it will be ready when it’s ready. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about writing is that trying to force it when you’re not in the right frame of mind is a bad idea. I’m actually okay with that, if I’m going to release a project of this scale and magnitude then I want to get it right first time or there’s no point attempting it. With that said, I would quite like to have the scripts done this year, so I will probably get going on that again quite soon.

And that brings me to my final point. Writing and maintaining this blog has given me much more inspiration to write more and to write more frequently, which until June was sorely lacking this year. The fact I’m not going out and filming stuff any more is a bit of a loss, sure, but the last time I did that with any impetus was when we last filmed sketches for our sketch show The Village which we last worked on in 2007. We managed four half hour episodes between 1999 and 2007 (reissued blogs about those episodes will be available here soon), so that gives some kind of indication as to how hard it is to put these things together. It’s even more difficult these days with people’s working hours all over the place, so it’s nice to focus on something, at least temporarily, whereby I’m not relying on anybody else to be available. This website’s all my own doing, and making sure I get a blog up every day (or near enough) is the kind of self-imposed deadline I need right now. Of course, if we jump forward 6 months down the line and I find that my blog has fallen by the wayside again, then you know I’m spouting nonsense. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Flight (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-08-27

Twitter Plot Summary: Denzel Washington deals with his addictions after saving most of his passengers following a plane malfunction.

Genre: Drama

Director: Robert Zemeckis

Key Cast: Denzel Washington, Kelly Reilly, Bruce Greenwood, John Goodman, Don Cheadle.

Five Point Summary:

1. A gratuitous shot of a topless woman. A statement of intent from Mr Zemeckis, perhaps?
2. The plane crash. That’s some compelling cinema right there.
 3. John Goodman. Is he in the right film?
4. It’s slowed down quite a bit, and Denzel is chewing his gums again to signify internal struggle.
5. Finally, the hearing. It feels like it’s taken forever to reach this point. Worth it though.

Flight marks the return of Robert Zemeckis to live action cinema (his previous efforts in the last decade have been Polar Express, Beowulf and A Christmas Carol), and it’s a strong return. Denzel Washington plays Whip Whitaker, an airline pilot who is addicted to alcohol and hard drugs yet is still incredibly capable in his job. He’s in a relationship with stewardess Katerina who works on his flight crew (handy, that), and within a few minutes of meeting both of them we know they’re clearly not role models – the cocaine is a bit of a giveaway.

The big set piece is, of course, Whitaker crash-landing the plane and saving most of the passengers and crew after a malfunction takes it out of the skies. It’s an impressive few minutes of film, yet surprisingly comes incredibly early on in the narrative. The reminder of the film is spent dealing with the aftermath, the ensuing investigation and a character study of Whitaker and, to a much smaller extent, Kelly Reilly’s recovering drug addict Nicole. Strong performances from everyone make up for the fact you kind of know where the story is heading towards, and John Goodman adds an air of levity to proceedings that would have been sorely missing if his character wasn’t there to liven things up. Drama’s fine, but without Goodman it would lapse into a dull melodrama rather than the exercise in character study that this is.

"He's chewing his gums again!" — “He’s chewing his gums again!”

In support are Kelly Reilly who, as Nicole, takes the role of the good angel whispering in Whitaker’s ear, despite her own issues with drug abuse and addiction. Her character is never allowed to develop much beyond this, but I think she’s just there to act as a counterpoint to Whitaker’s addictive personality and to further emphasise how far down the wrong path he has travelled, despite his own best intentions to quit everything and start afresh. If nothing else, it’s evidence that giving up on your addictions is a lot harder than most give it credit for. Further support is provided by Don Cheadle as Whitaker’s lawyer, and Bruce Greenwood (he of JJ Abrams Star Trek fame) as one of Whitaker’s oldest friends and someone who’s also involved in the crash investigation. They’re aware of Whitaker’s struggles with addiction and do their best to support him, but he’s more concerned with trying to make amends with his ex-wife and son. And get high and get drunk, of course.

If there are any complaints to level at Flight, it’s that it’s probably half an hour too long. Whilst it remains engaging from start to finish, you can’t help but feel that trimming the story down just a little would have given it a bit more oomph, especially after the early drama of the plane crash. But then it wouldn’t work as a comment on redemption and all that jazz if we just jumped straight to the point. So it’s obviously not perfect, but it’s a return to form for Zemeckis as far as live action fare is concerned, and it’s a dazzling performance from Denzel Washington, even if he does his usual thing of chewing his gums.

Favourite scene: Whitaker is sober ahead of his appearance at the hearing. Then he discovers the door to the connecting hotel room is open and it has a fully stocked minibar full of alcohol…

Quote: “The FAA and the NTSB took 10 pilots, placed them in simulators, recreated the events that led to this plane falling out of the sky. Do you know how many of them were able to safely land the planes? Not one. Every pilot crashed the aircraft, killed everybody on board. You were the only one who could do it!”

Silly Moment: The amount of times Whitaker gives up alcohol and drugs only to go back to them 10 minutes later.

Score: 4/5

Harold’s Going Stiff (2011)

Simon Prior

2013-08-26

Given the size of her, she'd probably win this fight. — Given the size of her, she’d probably win this fight.

Twitter Plot Summary: Harold suffers from Onset Rigors Disease and is helped by carer Penny to limit the disease’s impact on his daily activities.

Genre: Comedy/Horror

Director: Keith Wright

Key Cast: Stan Rowe, Sarah Spencer, Andy Pandini, Phil Gascoyne, Richard Atkinson, Lee Thompson, Richard Harrison.

Five Point Summary:

1. Hah, the zombies run like they’ve had a toilet-related accident.
2. A realistic portrayal of elderly illness. Perhaps a first for a zombie film?
3. Oh look, another shot of the moors.
4. And the reason why they’re becoming zombies is… funny.
5. It’s an inevitable end, but a powerful one all the same.

I am a self-confessed zombie movie obsessive, so I will watch just about anything under the sun (and beyond, in fact) that covers the genre, more so when the film covers new territory. Don’t get me wrong, I love the films that follow the typical zombie outbreak formula as there’s plenty of scope to branch out into a number of different stories from that initial premise. Harold Goes Stiff is a perfect example of taking that core concept and expanding on it with an original premise. To call it a horror would perhaps be going a step too far. Yes it deals with zombies but for me it’s more a comedy drama than anything else.

The film uses a documentary style and includes a number of talking heads interview-style segments with all of the core cast. We discover through these segments that a growing number of men are suffering from Onset Rigors Disease, a disease that resembles rigor mortis, then later confusion and violence and slowly turns those afflicted into zombies. The explanation for why these men (and only men) are becoming zombies is a stroke of genius, but rather than go into detail here I’ll let you discover it for yourself – suffice to say it’s related to food. Making a comment on the effects of media panic and questioning what goes into processed food is always a fertile place to take your story, and with recent scares regarding horse meat it remains a pertinent issue.

Harold was having such a bad day, he didn't notice he'd spilled ketchup all down his face. — Harold was having such a bad day, he didn’t notice he’d spilled ketchup all down his face.

The key to the story is the relationship between Harold and his carer, Penny. As the film progresses their relationship develops from carer/patient to a genuine friendship. What’s more is that the transition is believable, and is really sold by Stan Rowe and Sarah Spencer. Both of them are in essence society’s outcasts and are subsequently rather lonely people. He’s a pensioner with no family and an illness that most would not care to think about, whereas she’s an overweight nurse trying to find the right man and facing ridicule from most of the people she meets, just because she doesn’t have the right “look”. Intercutting the Harold/Penny story are a trio of zombie hunters who spend most of their time standing around in fields talking to the camera. These sequences, whilst occasionally amusing, take away from the core story and emphasise the fact it was made on a shoestring budget. Having these three guys do something other than standing around in the middle of nowhere would have helped immensely.

Okay, so there’s almost no budget to speak of and very little really happens, but it’s an interesting twist as far as the zombie genre goes and it’s nice to see something a little bit different. I’d be interested to see more stories within this world, although I feel the idea does actually run its course within the somewhat brief 77 minute running time, so a sequel would probably not be a good idea. It just goes to show that budget can only take you so far – a good script and compelling performances are king.

Favourite scene: Where Harold’s rehabilitation starts to work, and the friendship between Penny and Harold starts to develop in full.

Quote: “If it walks like a zombie, looks like a zombie and acts like a zombie – it’s a zombie, isn’t it?”

Silly Moment: When some of the zombies break free from their care home and run away with stiff limbs.

Score: 3.5/5

We’re The Millers (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-08-25

Twitter Plot Summary: Small time drug dealer David Clark is asked to smuggle marijuana into the US from Mexico, with support from a fake family.

Genre: Comedy/Crime

Director: Rawson Marshall Thurber

Key Cast: Jennifer Aniston, Jason Sudeikis, Will Poulter, Emma Roberts, Ed Helms, Nick Offerman, Kathryn Hahn, Molly Quinn, Tomer Sisley, Matthew Willig, Luis Guzman.

Five Point Summary:

1. Drug dealer needs to sneak down into Mexico? Hey, I’ve got a great idea lads…
2. Swinging. In the loosest possible sense.
3. Jennifer Aniston proving she’s a stripper. You’ve seen it in the trailer.
4. Gross out humour. I see. Amusing, but necessary? No.
5. There’s the payoff you were expecting. Let’s all go home in an orderly fashion.

The big problem these days seems to be that trailers often give away absolutely everything about a film. By the time you get chance to see the film, you’ve already seen all of the bits worthy of your time and money so more often than not it does render your viewing a slightly moot point. The point of the trailer is to tease the film, not give the whole thing away. That’s probably going to expand into a full-on spleen venting post at some point in the future, but I’ll leave it at that for now. Suffice to say, if you’ve seen a trailer for We’re The Millers, you’ve got the whole film in a nutshell.

Sudeikis plays David Clark, a relatively small time drug dealer who is asked by drug lord Brad Gurlinger (a stupidly OTT/camp Ed Helms) to head down to Mexico, pick up a “smidge” of pot and smuggle it back over the border. Of course, as you will have seen from the trailer, it doesn’t all go to plan and on the way back the “Millers” as the faux family of David, neighbour/stripper Rose (Aniston) and kids Kenny (Poulter, another neighbour) and Casey (Roberts, homeless girl) call themselves, have to negotiate angry drug dealers, venomous spiders, a stereotypical family on holiday (helmed by the fabulous Nick Offerman) and a carnival where one of the staff has no regrets about getting his tattoo that says “no ragrets.” You know what I’m saying?

We’ve seen this story time and time again, it’s just the characters and the humorous incidents that take place that are any different. After their initial dislike of each other the four of them start to bond and form a surrogate family. Obviously with a few speed bumps along the way, because otherwise there would be little dramatic tension to the story. With this in mind you can settle down and enjoy the jokes as they dutifully trot them out as we build to that inevitable ending. The laughs are quite numerous but again, if you’ve seen the trailer then they’ve already given away most of the best gags. The best non-spoilt joke, or series of jokes, comes in the opening five minutes where David meets one of his old school friends. I won’t dip into spoiler territory because otherwise there’s zero point in you watching the film, but they place heavy emphasis on the fact the school friend has settled down and has two kids whereas David is still single and has freedom to do as he likes. Of course this being the movies David would obviously like to settle down but he has yet to find the right woman.

Much of the pre-release promotion has gone to great lengths to pull in as many men as possible by flaunting Jennifer Aniston’s striptease segment. Again, there’s very little more to it in the film that’s not already been shown in the trailer, so if you liked those segments then you’ll like them equally as much in the film. Villain Pablo Chacon (Sisley) is mostly toothless, as is henchman One Eye (Willig), which is a shame because there was a lot more room for jokes with these two characters. Chacon is possibly the blandest drug dealing villain in recent cinema history, existing just to chase the surrogate family from A to B. It’s a pity, but there’s plenty of jokes to go round for everybody else and should at least prove to be moderately entertaining for the majority of the cinema going audience.

Favourite scene: Seeing as it wasn’t spoiled by the trailer, the interaction between David and his old school friend – sets up the story and David’s character perfectly.

Quote: “What the hell is that?” “That’s an Orca. I make a lot of money.”

Silly Moment: After the spider bite, we see erm… everything in great detail. Gross out humour at its finest.

Score: 3/5

Slither (2006)

Simon Prior

2013-08-24

Ever had one of "those" days? — Ever had one of “those” days?

Twitter Plot Summary: A meteorite lands in sleepy Americaville and turns its residents into zombie monster things. Nathan Fillion has to stop them.

Genre: Comedy/Horror/Sci-Fi

Director: James Gunn

Key Cast: Nathan Fillion, Elizabeth Banks, Michael Rooker, Don Thompson, Gregg Henry, Tania Saulnier.

Five Point Summary:

1. Okay, so you’re just ripping off The Evil Dead there. I like this.
2. Bad karaoke. Oh my.
3. They’ve just pointed out a grenade, randomly. What’s the first rule of scriptwriting? Watch this space.
4. Worms! Why did it have to be worms?!
5. …and that’s why the grenade was shown earlier. Boom!

We’re in a typical sleepy American town in the middle of nowhere, a place where people hunt and shoot animals for fun, a place where – no disrespect to small town America – everybody seems slightly inbred. Maybe that’s the point though, this is a town where mothers show The Toxic Avenger to their baby children, so an invasion from alien parasites is a normal day for these people. When a meteorite crashes in the nearby woods, bringing it with it some strange slithery creatures, soon enough people in the town are taken over by the parasites. Parasites that have a craving for meat (uncooked), of course. It’s only natural therefore that, rather than hunting animals, they go out and hunt the infected, and that’s where the real fun begins.

Gunn stalwart Michael Rooker shows up again, this time with a severe skinhead haircut and his usual penchant for playing unpleasant characters. Except this time he actually isn’t all that bad a person, he’s mostly just unlucky enough to be the one who brings the parasites into town. Nathan Fillion deserves more starring roles, even if he’s playing a slightly less bad-ass version of his Mal Reynolds character from Firefly. Even so, his laidback, world weary sheriff is a highlight. He used to be romantically linked with Elizabeth Bank’s Starla (great name), but she’s now hooked up with Michael Rooker’s Grant Grant (which makes Mario Mario seem like a distant memory and is an even better name than Starla) so any potential romantic shenanigans are dependent on something unpleasant happening to Grant to take him out of the picture. Gregg Henry is excellent as the foul-mouthed mayor, a typical James Gunn creation and adds a much needed frisson amongst our characters. Similarly, Tania Saulnier as Kylie gets quite a bit to do after her entire family is possessed by the parasites, and is the closest the film gets to having a strong female character. Whilst Elizabeth Banks is perhaps a bigger named actor than Saulnier, her character never develops beyond being a dedicated wife, even after Grant mutates into something horrific. Surely after your husband becomes a mutant beast you draw the line? Oh wait, it’s the American south – horrific mutations and eating raw meat are probably “du jour”. (Joking! Before I get any hate mail…)

She immediately regretted stealing her sister's Justin Bieber CD. — She immediately regretted stealing her sister’s Justin Bieber CD.

Effects are solid, a mixture of gruesome-looking practical gubbins and CGI. On occasion the CGI does look a little cheap, but then for a relatively low budget production as this, and the fact it’s an old-school comedy horror movie, you can forgive it a few missteps in the effects department because it more than makes up for it elsewhere. As is typical of a James Gunn script, the story has its own internal logic and maintains that logic from start to finish. The alien parasites have a purpose and a process. The best thing about them is that they mash up some of the best sci-fi/horror tropes of the last fifty years of cinema. The alien parasites spawn creatures that wouldn’t look out of place in The Thing (1982) or the 2011 prequel, erm… also called The Thing.

Slither does borrow liberally from established horror movie lore – the intro spoofs The Evil Dead “Deadite” cam, whilst other scenes lovingly pastiche Invasion of the Body Snatchers, David Cronenberg’s body horror movies, and the sort of alien invasion/zombie movie that Troma are renowned for, but with an actual budget. Throw in a heavy dose of classic zombie action and a wicked sense of humour, and you have Slither. Yes it’s derivative, but it’s a lot of fun all the same. Fans of any of the previously listed films/genres will be well served, for everybody else it’s a toss-up – do you like to see alien worms slipping down people’s throats and zombifying them? If not, you’re probably best sticking with Downton Abbey or something.

Favourite scene: (Spoilers ahoy) The mayor has been infected and begs

Quote: “Grant looks like a squid, don’t know where he’s gonna hide… Seaworld maybe.”

Silly Moment: The worm in the bath. Hilarious.

Score: 3.5/5

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