Walking Tall (2004)

2013-09-06

"Look at me, I'm fantastic. If you smell what The Rock is cookin'." — “Look at me, I’m fantastic. If you smell what The Rock is cookin’.”

Twitter Plot Summary: When The Rock returns from army duty, he finds his hometown beset my an evil casino. He er… becomes sheriff.

Genre: Action/Crime

Director: Kevin Bray

Key Cast: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Johnny Knoxville, Neal McDonough, Ashley Scott, Michael Bowen, Kevin Durand.

Five Point Summary:

1. The Rock looks terribly young.
2. His nephew looks like a miniature Lionel Richie. If he sings “Hello” before the end, I’ll eat my edible hat.
3. Chief Tyrol on the casino table!
4. The kid had some bad crystal meth. They’re clearly no Heisenberg.
5. Now things are about to get real. With lots of bullets.

Back in 2004 Dwayne Johnson was still known as The Rock and was yet to become the epic movie star that we know and love today. Mr Johnson plays Chris Vaughn, a former sergeant in the US Army who returns home to find his home town has changed almost beyond recognition. Adult stores line the high street, the old mill has closed, and an inverted TARDIS casino (it’s bigger on the outside) has taken up position in the town.

The Rock’s visit to the casino (ridiculously garish and run by the obviously evil Neal McDonough) doesn’t go well. His lap-dance is performed by an old friend (a lady, of course), and he discovers loaded dice on the craps table. This is of course an excuse for a bit of a punch-up and an altercation with the equally evil Kevin Durand, thus setting up the remainder of the plot. He runs for sheriff, wins, and then sets about cleaning up the town by any means necessary.

The movie doesn’t outstay its welcome, running at a lean 86 minutes. Much like the majority of The Rock’s early cinematic efforts it gets in and out of the ring, no pun intended, before outstaying its welcome. This works in its favour, maintaining a lean running pace keeps things moving and keeps you engaged with the admittedly flimsy plot. This comes at its own expense as there’s a few story beats that don’t quite work and need fleshing out a little. At the same time everybody’s intentions are clear from day one, there’s no subtext to anybody featured in this film and it’s route 1 all the way.

I'm not just that guy who did Jackass! I'm a real boy! — I’m not just that guy who did Jackass! I’m a real boy!

The biggest surprise is Johnny Knoxville who pitches in a surprisingly restrained performance. Well, restrained for him at least. It’s more naturalistic than what he did in The Last Stand at any rate. The direction from Kevin Bray is also worthy of mention, we never get so close to the action that we can’t see what’s happening, and he uses the camera in a few different ways to keep things interesting. For somebody who was still learning the ropes as far as film direction goes, he does an admirable job. Likewise The Rock shows promise in the leading role, although the improvement he’s made in the last 10 years, as far as acting ability goes, is surprising.

Oh, for those not in the know, this is a remake of the 1973 film of the same name, Once again this is another instance where I haven’t seen the original film, but I’ll probably get round to it eventually. It’s all based around the true story of Sheriff Buford Pusser who actually did clean up his home town almost single handedly. A number of details are changed for this interpretation, and it’s probably for the best. It does at least make it stand apart from the 1973 edition.

As is often the case it’s the final third of the movie where things really kick off, and it’s well worth the wait. The action’s good, it’s nicely choreographed and it’s even funny on occasion. It would have perhaps benefitted from a little more action, I know I said a streamlined film stops you getting bored but an extra 5 minutes of things blowing up or people being shot at would be an improvement. It’s no classic and is typical of the WWE Films-style output that followed The Rock during his early cinema career, but as mindless fun it’s good enough.

Favourite scene: The Rock laying the smacketh down on the casino and the goons working there.

Quote: “I grew up in this town, people used to walk tall in this town, they wouldn’t have traded the mill for a crooked casino and they wouldn’t have stood around while drugs were being sold to kids.”

Silly Moment: Chopping up Kevin Durand’s car, knowing full well that he’s not going to talk.

Score: 2.5/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X67H5J9ZMds

Daybreakers (2009)

Simon Prior

2013-09-05

What happens when a vampire doesn't drink enough blood. He becomes Keith Richards. — What happens when a vampire doesn’t drink enough blood. He becomes Keith Richards.

Twitter Plot Summary: Humanity’s on its way out thanks to rampant vampirism. Ethan Hawke’s trying to find a blood substitute.

Genre: Action/Drama/Horror/Sci-Fi/Thriller

Director: Michael Spierig/Peter Spierig

Key Cast: Ethan Hawke, Sam Neill, Willem Dafoe, Chris Caruso, Claudia Karvan, Michael Dorman, Isabel Lucas.

Five Point Summary:

1. Only 5% of humans left, blood running out… could get grim.
2. I like the technology in the car – nice tinted glass.
3. He’s a human called Elvis, yet he looks like Willem Dafoe.
4. Sunlight. It’s the best therapy.
5. Now that’s an interesting way of possibly spreading a cure.

It looks like any other city, albeit one bathed in darkness and lit with that strange, otherworldly bluish green tint that would usually indicate that you’re in the Matrix. A guy approaches a stall where he’s served a bag of blood. Say what now?! Yep, that’s right, this isn’t Kansas anymore. Although actually it could be as all the cities and states you’d expect to find are still present and correct. Daybreakers wins from the start just by showing us an aspect of the vampire story that we’ve never really seen before. After a plague caused by a vampire bat turns those affected into blood sucking creatures of the night, vampires become the dominant species on the planet and, as the number of surviving humans dwindles, the vampire race faces extinction. Whilst they do have bags of blood to survive on, for now at least, scientists such as Ethan Hawke’s Edward Dalton are researching a substitute for the dwindling blood stocks. At that point he has a chance encounter with some humans who may have a cure for the whole vampirism thing. Cue story.

Where the film triumphs, other than the innovative concept, is in its production design. For a dark film (most of it’s set at night, after all) it’s always clear what you’re seeing (unless that’s not the point, naturally), and lighting is used to great effect. It’s dark and dingy yet the science fiction feel never goes away. I also liked the vehicle modifications that allow vampires to drive around during daylight, essentially a high tech version of the “blacking out the windows” technique as seen in Near Dark.

"I was in Jurassic Park you know." — “I was in Jurassic Park you know.”

Conflict is provided by Dalton’s brother Frankie (Dorman) who’s not only a hothead but also a soldier who hunts humans. Naturally they butt heads because they’re brothers and they’re ideologically opposed. Throw in a hefty dose of Willem Dafoe as a human who has a cure for vampirism – and let’s face it, Willem Dafoe is always a hefty dose – and you have a recipe for an engaging story full of… well, little twists and turns.

On the subject of the cast, Sam Neill needs to do more films like this, he’s vastly underused the majority of the time and there’s something deliciously sinister about him as vampire overlord Charles Bromley. I’ll admit right now, I’m not all that keen on the character names, but then they do represent the world the vampires have left behind so I will allow that point. I would have preferred to have seen more of what the world has become, and it feels that there are chunks of backstory and exposition that were left on the cutting room floor. I guess you could say it feels a little anaemic. The story with Dalton and Alison, without dropping into spoilers territory, needed more room to breathe and for everything to really sink in. On my first viewing I wasn’t quite sure what was going on, as if the director had accidentally skipped a few pages of script and left them out of the edit. Other than that, it’s an entertaining mix of vampire myth and science fiction, and a thoroughly enjoyable viewing.

Favourite scene: When vampires don’t get enough blood, they turn into giant vampire creatures. Ethan Hawke and Michael Dorman show you how to deal with them.

Quote: “Yeah well, life is a bitch ain’t it? Then you don’t die.”

Silly Moment: What happens when a vampire blows up? Erm… same thing as everything else. It goes everywhere.

Score: 3.5/5

Camping Holiday – Day 5 – 20th August 2010

Simon Prior

2013-09-05

This post was originally published on www.randomstoat.com on 27 August 2010.

The last full day of the holiday before we had to go home, and we had a fair bit to cram in. I ended up sleeping in for an extra hour compared to the rest of the week. I blame the torrential wind all night for that. Once everyone was up and dressed we made the usual drive into Newquay and parked up next to the (slightly cheaper than the one across the road) car park next to the slightly pink hotel and went down to the aquarium on one of the beach fronts. A man, covered in tattoos, was doing a demonstration outside with a crab and a lobster. It looked like an ex-con had decided to try and steal business from the aquarium, but then it turned out he was affiliated with them.

The aquarium was typical fare, with a couple of notable exceptions, both within 10 feet of each other – an octopus and a giant lobster, which were great fun to see. They slightly put Sealife Birmingham to shame. The rest of it was mostly the normal stuff – obligatory clown fish for the kids, a few sea horses and a walk-thrifty giant tank, inhabited by a rather nice giant turtle. The gift shop at the end was rather cramped and had almost nothing of interest for anyone over the age of 12.

It was around the end of the aquarium walk that my knees started playing up, causing further problems when we left and had to climb the stairs back up towards the high street. Stopped for a tiny break before we made our way to our second destination of the day, Buccaneer Bay, as set up by Dragon’s Den resident, Duncan Bannatyne. We queued for quite a while but finally made our way inside. The live actors were variable in quality, varying between bored, playing an Irish pirate (bit odd…), being completely over the top (Ant can verify this in the “scare” section of the attraction), and simultaneously being unsure how to deal with an entirely adult group of visitors. Do they improvise? Do they play along a little? Do they just stick to the script? The answer is all of these. But not. Very confusing all the same.

I’m glad we didn’t decide to miss the scare attraction: it would have been a ridiculously short visit otherwise. As soon as we got out of that portion we were pretty much at the end. And what was the point in us sticking to the white line so desperately inside the scare attraction? Despite warnings to the contrary, nothing jumped out at us at any point (except for the chap playing a smoker’s version of Captain Jack Sparrow). It would have been a total waste of time if Ant hadn’t soiled himself at every turn in the building. Worth the price of admission alone.

We went in search of lunch and went to a local tea room on the high street. Lunch for me was the Mega Brunch: sausage, bacon, egg, beans, toast and chips. All respectably priced, and tasted just as respectable. After lunch we returned to the campsite in much drier conditions than the day before, where everyone else had a kickaround for a bit while Ant and myself sat down to discuss the pirate musical we’re writing. The weather had other ideas and decided to rain for a bit. But… It didn’t stop us having a BBQ at last. We finished off just about everything we had left over, although theleftover burgers from Monday had gone a horrible brown colour, so they were disposed of.

In many ways I was almost glad to be leaving the next day. The campsite had filled up considerably, no doubt bolstered by GCSE and A-Level students celebrating their results. The standards of the toilets had declined after the football hooligans arrived in the morning, and the overall ambience of the campsite had declined but I couldn’t quite put my finger on how, it’s not as if they were imposing themselves on us. Probably more psychological on my part than anything else.

After dinner I spent a fair amount of time throwing stuff into the car just to make life a little easier by the morning. Then it was socialising time, as best as possible, until everyone was too tired to stay awake. Despite my original plans for the week, I hadn’t listened to more than 5 podcasts all week. I’d originally wanted to listen to 5 a day. All things considered though, it was much more beneficial to not listen to podcasts, just in case I was needed for anything. My hearing isn’t brilliant at the best of times, so popping headphones in wouldn’t have helped. It was also a rather nice day to end on, activities wise at least.

City of Ember (2008)

Simon Prior

2013-09-04

The plan to get more youths involved in mining was a complete success.

Twitter Plot Summary: The power’s fading in the vast underground city of Ember, and there’s a conspiracy as to why. A young girl foils it.

Genre: Adventure/Family/Fantasy/Sci-Fi

Director: Gil Kenan

Key Cast: Saoirse Ronan, Harry Treadaway, Bill Murray, Tim Robbins, Toby Jones, Lucinda Dryzek, Martin Landau, Mackenzie Crook, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Liz Smith.

Five Point Summary:

1. Red Riding Hood, circa: 2400.
2. Everything’s so gooooold.
3. The mayor. He’s a shady one. You can tell, his assistant is Toby Jones.
4. Obligatory chase scene.
5. So that’s what happened to Lina’s parents! Mystery solved people, move along.

Most family-friendly films use a generic template for their plots, so it’s nice every now and again to watch one that comes up with a different approach to story. After it looks like humanity is about to be wiped out (likely by itself, as is often the case in these films), a group of scientists create an underground city in order for life to continue. The city has a functional operating time of 200 years, after which the residents will be able to return to the surface and resume their lives above ground. The key to this is a special box that counts down the 200 years and will open once the deadline is reached, but the box is soon forgotten about and buried away. It’s some time after this that we meet Lina Mayfleet (Ronan), who is attending Assignment Day, where students are assigned a job to do within the city. Lina swaps her intended role as Pipeworks Labourer for that of a Messenger, a modern day Red Riding Hood if you will. Shortly thereafter Lina decides to help her grandmother (Liz Smith, typically excellent) decipher the documents in a metal box and ultimately discover a way out of Ember. Just in time too, as the power is on the verge of going out and resources are finite. Lina is naturally inquisitive as her parents died when she was younger and this has led her to question everything.

Are we all up to speed now? That seemed like more exposition than it’s probably worth, for which I apologise. I can’t say the film’s terrible as a number of individual elements aren’t bad at all. Ronan and Treadaway are solid if not spectacular as the young leads. A number of other famous faces turn up for glorified cameos (Martin Landau, Tim Robbins, Liz Smith, and to a lesser extent Toby Jones and Mackenzie Crook), although it’s Liz Smith as Granny Mayfleet who really fills the role and has a blast. That’s not to say that Landau or Robbins (and, indeed, Jones and Crook) don’t look like they’re enjoying themselves though, it’s just that there isn’t enough of them.

Bill Murray enjoyed telling the crowd about Garfield 2 almost as much as they enjoyed hearing about it.

Bill Murray, when he’s on form, is a safe bet. Here he looks bored and/or surprised for the majority of the film and squanders his role as Mayor. If he’d approached it with a little bit of passion then it would have been a different story, instead his scenes grow tiresome and it’s difficult to feel anything towards his character, good bad or even ambivalence. Either bring back the dry, witty Bill Murray of the 80s or give us “serious actor” Bill Murray such as Lost in Translation. Don’t give us middle of the road Bill Murray as you end up with this kind of performance. Or Garfield 2.

For all the good will generated by the slightly off-kilter story it ultimately doesn’t work because it feels like a cardboard cut-out of any modern fantasy genre film. Since Harry Potter wiped out the box office every fantasy film has had the same style to it, which means City of Ember falls unceremoniously into that category. Passable stuff but ultimately in need of either more anarchy within Ember itself or perhaps a more experienced director instead – this was Kenan’s second directorial effort after Monster House and he’s not really been up to much since this came out in 2008. It’s a nice idea to start with, but it lacks that killer punch to make it anything other than a gentle Sunday afternoon family flick. Shame really, a Fallout 3 for kids would’ve actually been hugely entertaining.

Favourite scene: Anything involving Martin Landau, the man is a legend.

Quote:

“Stop! I need to tell you the rules. One, when a customer…”

“Gives you a message, repeat it back to make sure you’ve got it right. Two: Always wear the red cape so people can identify you. Three: Our customers pay 20 coins for every message no matter how far we have to carry it, so go fast. I love going fast.”

Silly Moment: Bill Murray and the cans of food ensconced in his desk. What emotion is he showing other than surprise? Nope, that’s just

Score: 2.5/5

Camping Holiday – Day 4 – Thursday 19th August 2010

Simon Prior

2013-09-03

This post was originally published on www.randomstoat.com on 26 August 2010.

Day 4 started much like the others – myself up early and everybody else gradually waking up in dribs and drabs. The weather was hardly stellar, and after briefly checking through the attractions guide for Cornwall that we had received at the zoo the day before, I found a miniature railway, Lappa Valley, that was about 10 minutes drive away from the campsite. On a few previous holidays myself and Liz had considered visiting one such railway in Wales, but it was always a bit too far away to make the journey worthwhile. So in true British fashion we moved in convoy to our destination.

The route was exclusively country lanes, involving an incident with an old Gypsy trailer, pulled by a horse. A man and a dog seemed to be the couple in charge of the cart, and were in no rush to allow the traffic on either side to continue their respective journeys. After a brief moment of uncertainty he moved to one side and we went on our way.

On arrival the first thing you see is a respectably sized car park and the first station. It all looks rather quaint and pleasant, even more so when you pay and are told that the fee covers everything at the park except for food and a few other little things (quite literally – they were for kids). The ticket station had a drinks machine that provided some incredibly nice hot chocolate for £1, I was almost tempted to grab another cup on my way out, but I resisted the temptation. My wallet thanked me later.

We borded the first train, which was a 15″ gauge railway and had two trains running the 1 mile or so to the the park itself, trains by the name of Muffin and Zebedee. Not quite sure why Muffin was chosen… Our choice of carriage was dubbed as “First Class” – short hand for “grown-ups taller than 5’2″ will have to twist their neck at a jaunty angle to get in and out”. By comparison the standard carriages were much easier to clamber in and out of. On arrival just about everything you’d ever want to see catches your eye immediately. A lake for canoe boating, two other railway lines for the even tinier trains, the crazy golf course (more on that shortly), and a huge mine pumping house and chimney. A history lesson as well as fun! Huzzah!

We had a quick look around before jumping in the canoes and having a paddle around. With the water only being 0.5m deep, my normal fear of water resided like the tides. Or something poetic along those lines. It took some getting used to but steering the canoe got progressively easier until we decided to give it a rest and go have some lunch. The cafe was clearly geared towards the younger audience, and I was struck with that time honoured dilemma of what to have for lunch: cheese or ham on my bap. Cheese seemed to be the smart choice, and was reasonably priced given the slapdash nature of the kitchen. Seemed par for the course on our travels, most places seemed to have a shoddy kitchen but serve some good food.

After lunch we played Crazy Golf. The first seven holes weren’t exactly what you’d call crazy – a patch of mown grass about 10 feet from the previous hole. I started off quite respectably, finishing the first six or seven holes with 2′s and 3′s. Ironically, when we reached the crazy golf section, my score plummeted. Not so much for the fact it had gone crazy, but that the ground was unevenly shaped to the point where the ball didn’t stop moving if the wind picked up. It reached a point where I lost interest in the game and just played through as near as dammit to putting the ball. If it went near the pin, it was a putt.

Once the crazy, crazy golf was defeated, we decided to try out one of the other trains. Unfortunately the second train was full and the third was full and also not going anywhere for a while. So we went back to the canoe boats and had a bit more fun on the open waves. We finished on there at just the right time to climb aboard the next smallest train, the 10 1/4″ carriages pulled by Eric. This took us to the top of the second line and through the full-sized golf course (which didn’t look half as impressive as the Links at Newquay). The train drops you off at a “fun play area” with a trampoline and some football goals (the less said about me losing the ball, the better…), and a path to the nature walk leading back to the main park area. Hopes were raises to spot a random stoat on the trail, but all we saw were slightly damp plants. We got back again once more just in time to climb aboard the even tinier 7 1/4″ railway, pulled by the unfriendly-named APT. The carriages were so tiny and my hips were so huge (good, child-bearing hips. For a man) that I had to almost sit side-saddle in the open-topped carriage, all by my lonesome. The track itself was also very small indeed (it looks a lot bigger on the out of proportion map), and went round twice. I think the only thing we didn’t do was the brick maze because it looked a bit pants. I don’t think it can ever be called a maze if you can just walk in a straight line to the centre. Ignoring the bricks, obviously.

I recommend giving Lappa Valley a try if you’re in Cornwall, have kids or are a big kid at heart (like us bunch of kidless twenty-somethings). It may also be a good place to spot wildlife, but that might be a better idea when the weather is somewhat more pleasant. Their website (PLUG ALERT!) is http://www.lappavalley.co.uk if you want to check them out.

After the train I decided to get us lost by driving a different route back (shows what happens when it rains, you don’t turn the SatNav on and you’re driving on unfamiliar roads). We popped down to Morrisons, determined to have a BBQ, which we had a dearth of since our arrival on Monday. It just didn’t feel right not having at least one more. We arrived back at the campsite to find our tents trying to fly off in the wind. They weren’t really going anywhere, but it made sense to try and secure them to the ground more firmly just in case. Unfortunately the wind continued along with a torrential downpour, soaking us through, Liz especially. We retreated to the campsite bar to dry off, and to partake in a slightly watery hot chocolate. It ended on a rather sour note when some chap, presumably the owner, told us we were taking up his tables because Dee had brought some food at Morrisons and was eating it inside. I left shortly after, resolute not to re-enter the premises again. Stubborn swine, I know… There were plenty of spare tables for other people as well…

The possibility of a BBQ was a moot one. The wind hadn’t died down in the slightest, to the point where the campsite lost power. Initial plans to eat at the campsite bar were shot down as a result, and we retreated to the relative dryness of McDonalds. Once full of grease and meat (the grease would at least help us float if the campsite flooded – a bit like feeding beefburgers to swans), we drove over to the Quintrell Arms for a quick drink and more chance to dry off, before heading back to the tents and getting to bed. The wind destroyed any possibility of me sleeping, and continued blowing a stormy gale almost non-stop until the following morning. Now THIS was camping!

Micmacs (2009)

Simon Prior

2013-09-03

"Kiss me Hardy." "My name's Bazil." "Really? Then I'm not interested." — “Kiss me Hardy.”
“My name’s Bazil.”
“Really? Then I’m not interested.”

Twitter Plot Summary: A man is shot in the head but doesn’t die. He hatches a plan to take down two weapon manufacturers. You know, for revenge.

Genre: Action/Comedy/Crime

Director: Jean-Pierre Jeunet

Key Cast: Dany Boon, Andre Dussollier, Nicolas Marie, Jean-Pierre Marielle, Yolande Moreau, Julie Ferrier, Omar Sy, Dominique Pinon, Michel Cremades.

Five Point Summary:

1. Does every French film look like The Fifth Element?
2. What’s with all the hand clicking stuff?
3. Human cannonball!
4. Inside the villain’s flat/abode when he returns unexpectedly. Surprisingly tense stuff.
5. A typical resolution, albeit totally unexpected given the previous insanity.

Until this year I had very limited exposure to foreign language cinema. My main exposure had been to the likes of Taxi (one through three), Das Boot and certain anime films including some Studio Ghibli. Then there are the movies of Luc Besson which often transpose the European style to big budget “Hollywood” movies – see The Fifth Element as perhaps the best example of this. Of course, when watching foreign language cinema it will often go one of two ways – either deathly serious and full of weighty dialogue, or it will be a ridiculously over the top and occasionally surreal movie. Micmacs, or to give it its full title in French, “Micmacs à tire-larigot” (literally meaning non-stop shenanigans) falls into the latter camp. The plot is quite a basic one – man seeks revenge on weapons manufacturers after he gets a bullet to the head. At that stage it diverts into surreal territory – lead character Bazil (Boon) teams up with a rather odd group of eccentric misfits who offer to help him with his mission.

We’re often told about films that are set up as live action cartoons, and Micmacs is a proud member of this club. Tonally it’s often in the same context as a Warner Brothers or Tom and Jerry cartoon, where the weird, the wacky, the wonderful occur. With a suitable amount of caution it doesn’t stretch to having character’s eyes pop out of their heads or the old faithful of running off a cliff and gravity not taking hold until the character realises they’re not on solid ground any more, but it goes as far as the real world setting will permit which I suppose will have to do. In fact it might help if you think of it as an extension to the silent comedies of early cinema, or more recently the likes of Mr Bean – but not the Mr Bean movie where he had dialogue, obviously.

Yeah, he's a bit special. — Yeah, he’s a bit special.

Where the film gets clever is when the plot to bring down the weapons manufacturers comes to fruition, and has some fun with the crime/revenge thriller template without really breaking the mold. Bazil’s plan involves pitting two big arms manufacturers against one another with the aim of having them take each other down. For reasons that will become clear, and because the narrative would be boring otherwise, things go wrong and the group have to work around the problem in order to achieve their goal. It’s more interesting than that description makes out, honest.

In the middle of all this is the budding love story between Bazil and Elastic Girl, so called because she’s a contortionist. He’s almost too engrossed in his revenge plot to notice her affections, or perhaps he’d just rather get that out of the way before declaring any feelings for her. In any case, the notion of them having a relationship isn’t forced and fits nicely into the narrative. Another fun addition is the movie references littered throughout the film – Bazil is a big fan of cinema and thus many of his ideas spin out from the movies he’s seen. It’s perhaps telling that Bazil begins the film by watching – and quoting verbatim – The Big Sleep, the classic 1946 movie starring Humphrey Bogart. Micmacs is a film that follows in the same tradition as The Big Sleep, with a glut of movie references and commentary on the tricks of cinema added for good measure.

So, as far as foreign language cinema goes it’s pretty much par for the course – completely bonkers but with an engaging story, an extensive and equally engaging cast, and a number of amusing moments littered throughout. Just don’t let the subtitles put you off.

Favourite scene: Making the bad guys think they’re being transported to Africa or a similar desert-related area. The truth is more amusing.

Quote: “Mom always told me to avoid twisted girls.”

Silly Moment: The human cannonball. Nuff said.

Score: 4/5

Legend (1985)

Simon Prior

2013-09-02

"Is that unicorn defecating?" — “Is that unicorn defecating?”

Twitter Plot Summary: Tim Curry wants to destroy the world and, typically, marry an Earthling. Tom Cruise has to stop him.

Genre: Fantasy/Adventure/Romance

Director: Ridley Scott

Key Cast: Tim Curry, Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, David Bennent, Alice Playten, Billy Barty, Kiren Shah, Robert Picardo,

Five Point Summary:

1. Was Tom Cruise really that young once?
2. Practical effects for the win, especially when it’s used in a 1980s fantasy film.
3. Green goblin thing in the swamp is like Yoda on steroids.
4. So… is he supposed to be Lucifer then?
5. SLOW MOTION TIME!

If you can’t appreciate the 80s for music, fashion or giving us Neighbours, then you can at least appreciate the decade for giving us a huge number of really good fantasy films. Not just aimed at kids either, proper fantasy films for all ages with almost universal appeal. Some are more child friendly than others (Labyrinth, for example), and others lean more towards the adult end of the spectrum – Legend is a case in point. For younger viewers it’s shady territory, there are some sequences that are likely going to be too much for the under 5s market, in particular when Tim Curry shows up on screen.

Tim Curry is the Lord of Darkness, locked away somewhere near the centre of the Earth where he plots to destroy it and bring about eternal night. How will he accomplish this, you might ask? Well, by sending his minions out to kill a couple of unicorns of course. You know, that standard evil plan that’s always used in films…

Tom Cruise is ridiculously young in this film, however much like Michael Palin I think he reached adulthood and then aged no further. As is always the case, Cruise is a reliable performer and embodies the role, even if half of it is running around looking startled. Mia Sara, in her first major screen role, is fortunately rather good, at one point essentially having to play two opposite characters and pulling it off with aplomb. It’s unfortunate that she didn’t seem to make it any further with her acting career than she did, I’m sure there could have been bigger roles available to her based on this performance alone. Instead the highlights appear to be Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and er, Timecop. Oh well.

Ridley Scott takes the lessons he learned from Alien and puts them to good use. It’s almost two thirds of the way into the film before we see the Big Bad, and it’s well worth the wait. The Lord of Darkness cuts an imposing figure and is visually arresting, so it’s no wonder that much of the promotional material features him. His appearance is part of the vast tapestry that is the film’s visual design, where everything is at once realistic yet otherworldly. Adding to the otherworldly feel is the frequent use of whale song to represent the thoughts of the unicorns. Either that or it’s channelling Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home which, as it happens, wasn’t released until a year later, so that point’s probably moot… If anything it channels Time Bandits story structure, if not Terry Gilliam’s twisted visual style.

The practical effects, oft-missed in this day and age, are fantastic, no pun intended. 80s fantasy films always had a certain something extra to them because of the lack of CGI, and this is no different. In fairness Ridley Scott’s CGI work in the past has been most impressive, so I can’t tar him with the same brush as the rest. This is what’s missing from modern fantasy – passion and heart. It might be deemed bad form to do anything practically in a modern fantasy film, but that’s what makes the 80s films stand out by such a great margin. Practical effects are tangible, you can almost reach out and touch the world that has been created. Except you can’t because it’s a film, of course.

There are several cuts of the film including an 89 minute cut with a soundtrack by Tangerine Dream, a 94 minute cut with Jerry Goldsmith on soundtrack duties, and the 2002 director’s cut with more footage and Jerry Goldsmith on soundtrack duties. There’s a director’s cut because Ridley Scott always likes to make change to his films years down the line. Give it 10 years and he’ll probably do a director’s cut of Prometheus even though he said he’s happy with it. Hmm. Anyway, back to this film – I’ve only seen the 94 minute cut with Goldsmith’s orchestral score, so I’ll be seeking out the 89 minute cut as well as the 2002 edition later in the year and likely providing an addendum to this review at that time. Apparently the director’s cut is a far superior film, so bearing in mind how much I liked this version, it bodes very well indeed.

Favourite scene: The fight where the banquet is being prepared. Giant metal platters for the win!

Quote: “What care I for human hearts? Soft and spiritless as porridge! A faerie’s heart beats fierce and free!”

Silly Moment: Deflecting arrows with a frying pan. For a bit.

Score: 3.5/5

Camping Holiday – Day 3 – Wednesday 18th August 2010

Simon Prior

2013-09-01

This post was originally published on www.randomstoat.com on 25 August 2010.

One thing I forgot to add to yesterday’s blog was that, after dinner, we sat at the campsite bar and was accosted by a chap from York. He was a bit drunk, and pretty much started a minor argument with Tommy. Ant and myself had a laugh about the sequels to The Matrix and missed most of it. But then I was expecting a punchline. After, we watched the stars for a little bit and caught glimpses of a couple of shooting stars before, rather disappointingly, it clouded over and we all headed off to bed. Now, to Wednesday…

Wednesday was another typically slow start. I was up at my normal time, about 7, and decided to charge my phone while everybody else was gettin up and getting ready. I finished off the last 20 pages of The Road, then started reading Louis Theroux’s first book, The Call of the Weird. Managed 40-odd pages before the phone was charged enough to take my leave of the wall sockets. Also felt a bit weird standing around outside the doorway to both the male and female toilets…

We went into Newquay with the plan to visit the zoo and do a few other things in the area to make the most of the parking costs (which is where most of the loose change went all week I think). The zoo itself was great fun, but the “African plain” was very lacklustre. The best of these I’ve ever seen was at a zoo in France a few years ago, with plenty of animals and a LOT of room for them to roam. And bears. Not in the African Plain, just at the zoo generally. This African Plain had a couple of roaming creatures and a couple of zebras in the caged area. And an ostrich, similarly caged. Quite disappointing but the rest of the zoo made up for it.

Then, a minor annoyance set in again. It was decided to head to the beach instead of visiting the Crazy Golf and the nearby pedalos. As previously mentioned, I’m not much of a beach person, but I went along into Newquay and parted ways with the others when they parked up. They went to the beach and I headed into townto scout out the WH Smiths for comics. They didn’t stock the usual range I buy, so I decided to leave buying them until I got home. Quickly nipped into Poundland for some cheap Pepsi then headed over to the beach via the Links golf course, which I wouldn’t mind playing a round on one day. I diverted off before hitting the beach proper to sit on the hill between the car and Fistral beach, where they all were. I sent a general text to everyone in the hope that someone would have their phone switched on so they could find me. Luckily Adam had his phone to hand as he had gone for a walk along the coast instead of dousing himself in sea water. I met up with him on the coastal path and shortly afterwards we saw the others approaching their beach encampment. We headed down to join them and discovered that seagulls had eaten all of Ant’s doughnuts which he had jus bought (and a sandwich of Rich’s too, I believe).

After they had all lounged on the beach for a bit and redressed, we stayed on the seafront for a bit where Liz treated me to some traditional seaside fish and chips, which were gloriously nice, very tasty indeed. Then we walked into town for dinner. We initially chose a seafront restaurant that dealt primarily in seafood. Rather handily, after all the effort we spent in walking down to it, they told us we couldn’t eat there without a reservation. So instead we went back up into the street and chose the Olde Dolphin pub next to (and above) the arcades. We had a set menu which consisted of two courses for £10, which was incredibly good value for what we got. Everyone else waxed lyrical about their meals, Ant especially who wanted to take our waitress home in a box because he thought she was “lovely”. No idea where he’d keep all these boxed women if he ever got to follow up on his desires…

I decided against having a started and chose a pudding of apple crumble, which was rather nice. For my main it was a chicken curry, mostly lacking in spice and, despite everybody else praising the food as highly as they could, the best I could muster was “it’s alright”. It was nice, don’t get me wrong, but I rarely get that excited about food. Unless it’s coconut ice, which I found in a sweet shop after dinner. Glorious. We’d hoped for more stars but the clouds were not forgiving.

In retrospect it’s a good job they went to the beach that day, the weather was perfect for it and degraded considerably for our remaining few days in the area. And ultimately I got to go and do my own thing for a bit, the anti-social swine that I am.

The Searchers (1956)

Simon Prior

2013-09-01

The art of staring into the middle distance, with John Wayne.

Twitter Plot Summary: John Wayne’s family are killed by Indians, so he sets out to seek revenge. Captain Pike from Star Trek and Lila Crane from Psycho co-star.

Genre: Western

Director: John Ford

Key Cast: John Wayne, Jeffrey Hunter, Vera Miles, Ward Bond.

Five Point Summary:

1. John Wayne: much like modern action stars he can only play one character. Himself.
2. The nephew who isn’t John Wayne’s nephew looks like Donny Osmond.
3. Day for night, my old friend.
4. That bugle can only mean one thing… THE CAVALRY!
5. The Native American leader looks like Sean Connery avec un mullet.

Westerns had their heyday back in the 1950s, and with only a few exceptions have been out of the spotlight ever since. It’s not clear why the genre is so badly vilified by the general public, but I’m sure it’s because many of the films in the 50s are a product of their time and portray the Native Americans in an unsympathetic light.

I’m sure at one point this film was considered perfectly sensible and completely serious. With almost 60 years of hindsight, and having knowledge of Sergio Leone’s efforts in the Western genre, this by comparison feels like a bad parody of the Western genre. Stereotypical representations of Native Americans, John Wayne’s trademark drawl, and directorial choices that are supposed to imply drama yet are actually inadvertently amusing. Scenes where a young girl is telling the family dog to stop following her looks like a case of a badly trained dog not returning to its trainer on cue. Other scenes where the sheriff accidentally fires his weapon when attacked by a tribe of Native Americans looks like a goof that was left in because they didn’t have anything better.

The plot begins as something quite simple. After his brother and family are killed by an Indian raiding party Ethan Edwards (Wayne) sets out to seek revenge and to rescue his two nieces who were kidnapped following the attack. Of course, this being the days before wifi and Google Maps, it takes him years to track down the attackers where he discovers one of his nieces who has since been indoctrinated into the Native American way of life.

Could've easily been Sean Connery. But it isn't. — Could’ve easily been Sean Connery. But it isn’t.

The dialogue isn’t anything to write home about, subtlety doesn’t exist in a world where shouting your dialogue will do. John Wayne’s typical approach to acting grates for a short time, but once you acclimatise to his style of delivery you realise he’s pretty good – indeed, how many other people have had as many starring roles as John Wayne? His character Ethan Edwards is as nuanced as can be for the time of the film’s release. He’s a compelling and interesting lead, Hardcore Star Trek fans will rejoice at the presence of Jeffrey Hunter as Martin Pawley – for those not in the know, Hunter was the original captain of the Enterprise, Christopher Pike, in the first Trek pilot The Cave. Hitchcock fans are also well served by the presence of Vera Miles who played Lila Crane, sister of the ill-fated Marion in Psycho.

The locations are gorgeous to look at, and are lovingly photographed from every angle known to a cinematographer. It’s a stunning backdrop and really bestows the virtues of location shooting as you get a real sense of the setting and can suspend your disbelief much easier than with obvious CGI or stage shoots.

From what I’ve read about the film it’s considered an all-time classic and one of the greatest films ever made. I’d dispute that. After a shaky opening 30 minutes with the aforementioned flubs and issues, it settles into an entertaining and multi-layered Western that balances drama with comic moments. There are questions to be raised regarding the motivations of some of the characters and I’m not entirely convinced by the ending, but all the same it’s a generally solid film.

Favourite scene: The Natives are following John Wayne and co, leading to a fight and a shootout.

Quote: “Two letters in one year! By golly!”

Silly Moment: The girl telling the dog to go home, and the dog not listening.

Score: 3.5/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHJwDdUxHL4

Blitz (2011)

Simon Prior

2013-08-31

Statham swore revenge on the rain for getting his hair wet.

Twitter Plot Summary: Statham is a violent cop who has to hunt down a serial killer who’s killing cops.

Genre: Action/Crime/Thriller

Director: Elliott Lester

Key Cast: Jason Statham, Paddy Considine, Aiden Gillen, Luke Evans, David Morrissey, Zawe Ashton

Five Point Summary:

1. Using a hurley to attack a group of youths. So this sets the violent tone for the rest of the film.
2. A rule breaker, a gay sergeant and a police officer with a drug problem. These are a fun bunch.
3. It’s like a Game of Thrones reunion, although possibly before most of them were cast in GoT…
4. Ooh, that’s a nasty way to go. Very American History X.
5. Dogs. Why’d it have to be dogs?

Jason Statham is oft-compared, in acting terms at least, to our wooden brethren in the tree community. In other words his acting is described as being akin to an oak dining table. I’m inclined to disagree with that train of thought as he has on occasion been able to demonstrate that he does have a bit of range to his performance. Admittedly from a distance that might not be immediately apparent, but it’s there trust me.

Statham plays Sergeant Brant, a no-nonsense cop who is unnecessarily violent and breaks pretty much all of the rules. After introducing us to his ways of thinking and a number of minor characters, the main story kicks in. Police are being killed across London, seemingly at random. Brant works alongside Sgt Nash (Considine), acting Inspector and about as straightlaced as it goes (almost deadpan in fact). It seems almost obvious, but the best way of hunting down a cop killer is to set what the Germans call a “Killer Cop” on his tail, so Brant is put on the case.

Incidentally Nash is a gay man which adds to some tension between him and the slightly homophobic Brant, although it turns out that their working methods aren’t too dissimilar. This isn’t overplayed and is just another element to that character, which is as it should be. Considine isn’t given anywhere near enough to do which is a shame given his ability and credentials. Fans of Game of Thrones are well served as there are a couple of familiar faces in Blitz. The main one is of course Aiden Gillen, aka Lord Baelish aka Littlefinger. He’s unhinged as Weiss, who has a plan to bump off eight police officers. Given his unstable mentality he could have easily focused on widespread anarchy but his own particular circumstances have dictated that the police should be his target.

This is our villain. Yep, trapped in the early 90s.

It’s gritty and perhaps a better representation of what The Sweeney could have been when moved to the big screen, however the story has too many characters for you to invest in over such a short period of time. We’ve obviously got the key story with Brant and “The Blitz” Weiss (Gillen); then there’s also a sub-story with Brant and PC Falls (Ashton); the distrust and working relationship between Brant and Nash; the interactions the characters have with newspaper hack Harold Dunlop (Morrissey) who Weiss calls early on and gives him the scoop on the forthcoming killings; and finally there’s Stokes (Evans) who has a romantic interest in Falls and butts heads with Brant, naturally. It’s a multi-layered character piece, but it does act to the detriment of the main crime thriller story and feels like it’s been padded out with unnecessary characters. We could easily lose the Falls and Stokes characters without having any effect on the main story and we would have had a far leaner and more tightly focused film.

Entertaining, yes, but nothing special as it’s retreading ground we’ve seen before. A pruning of characters and perhaps more focus on Brant and Nash would have been better, but then you could argue that if they’d followed that route it would be yet another generic buddy cop thriller. Sadly, we can’t have it all.

Favourite scene: Spoilers: Weiss takes out Chief Inspector Roberts with a hammer. Not so much for the attack itself but how Weiss reacts to the violent act he’s just inflicted.

Quote: “A word of advice, girls. If you’re picking the wrong fight… at least pick the right weapon.”

Silly Moment: The opening where Brant attacks the youths who are trying to break into his car. Implies it’s going to be a silly film but defies expectations.

Score: 3/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGNROCIxORI

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