Apocalypse Pompeii (2014)

2014-07-06

Twitter Plot Summary: Mount Vesuvius erupts again and Adrian Paul has to save his family before they fall victim to the lava and stuff.

Five Point Summary:

1. Adrian Paul going for a job interview.
2. Mount Vesuvius has erupted! Oh no!
3. John Rhys-Davies shows up. Clearly had nothing better to do.
4. That girl rather handily knows everything about volcanoes.
5. A helicopter based finale. Yawn.

The Asylum strike again with another well-timed mockbuster intended to lull unsuspecting punters into buying the DVD of this and expecting to receive Paul WS Anderson’s equally as suspect, big budget (cough, splutter) Pompeii. You know, that one with Kit Harington’s abs and terrible CGI. But not terrible CGI abs, strangely.

Unlike the aforementioned historical action epic (again, with a distinct cough and a splutter), the characters in this film have access to cars as it’s set in the modern day. Adrian Paul stars, last seen contributing to the ridiculously bad Highlander: The Source. He is accompanied by his wife and daughter, who can be defined as “badly written” and “slightly irritating” respectively. They head off on a coach trip to Pompeii, led by an Italian man with a MASSIVE mole, whilst Adrian Paul goes off to get a real job having recently left the army. When the inevitable happens – Mt Vesuvius explodes and threatens the residents in the local area – Adrian Paul heads into the danger zone with a few members of his old Black Ops team (sadly not a group of Call of Duty aficionados) to rescue his wife and daughter. And, of course, the other dozen or so tourists that are trapped within Vesuvius’s lava-based grasp who will, inevitably, be bumped off one by one until only a select few remain.

You shouldn’t have to be told that this is an awful movie, because it really is that poor. The effects are laughably bad, as is much of the acting. Adrian Paul demonstrates exactly how far his career has fallen since the Highlander series reached its nadir. Meanwhile John Rhys Davies shows up as a very English military man who gets to enunciate a little bit before going back to some serious acting elsewhere. Other than these two, the rest of the cast are relative nobodies. Paul’s daughter, played by Georgina Beedle, is rather conveniently an expert in volcanoes and therefore is the only person capable of helping everybody survive the forthcoming onslaught of lava, heat and dust.

"Get out of sight, they might come and ask me to do another Highlander movie!" — “Get out of sight, they might come and ask me to do another Highlander movie!”

Laboriously scripted and rife with terrible exposition, there is absolutely no tension and it simply serves as an excuse to send the crew off on a holiday to do some filming in and around Pompeii itself. It’s so obviously shot on a shoestring that it makes Anderson’s Pompeii look like the historical epic that he wanted it to be. Shoestring budgets can be forgiven if the script has something to offer, be it an interesting thematic point or some well written dialogue. Apocalypse Pompeii has neither. In fact, given that the second half of the film is basically Adrian Paul flying in a helicopter and the combo of his wife and daughter hiding – that’s literally it – you’re probably safe in missing this entirely and using the 90 minutes in some more worthwhile pursuit. Like stamp collecting.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that one scene features a group of stranded teens spontaneously combusting after being hit by a heatwave, so you know instantly that this isn’t going to be at the top of any film viewer’s lists, unless that list happens to be “Best direct to DVD films designed to cash in on another Pompeii related movie with a bigger budget”. If so, Apocalypse Pompeii would still struggle to make the top five.

Score: 1/5

Chef (2014)

Simon Prior

2014-07-05

Aren't you guys supposed to be cooking? — Aren’t you guys supposed to be cooking?

Twitter Plot Summary: A bored chef leaves his job in a fancy restaurant to take a food truck cross-country and cook the food he enjoys making.

Five Point Summary:

1. Dustin Hoffman knows what he likes.
2. Just when you think they’re about to get it on… they eat.
3. Robert Downey Jr. Awesomeness.
4. Food truck with added Leguizamo.
5. The power of social media!

A word to the wise – if you plan on watching Chef, you’re best doing so having had a hearty meal beforehand. That and perhaps question the benefits of using Twitter, as it’s 50% food porn and 50% exploring the positive and negative aspects of social media. Favreau is Carl Casper, a talented chef who finds himself in the doldrums over the direction his career has taken, creativity taking a back seat to the same old menu night after night after night. After he has a very public breakdown following a bad review, his outburst becomes a viral hit and he branches out on his own to cook the way he wants to and without outside interference.

The parallels with Favreau’s life and career are apparent to anyone who is aware of the creative struggles he has encountered over the years, wih many fans of his earlier works clamouring for a return to the glory days of Swingers. Casper is restricted by his overbearing employer (a cameo appearance from Dustin Hoffman) which in reality could be seen as the restrictions placed on Favreau by the studios who hired him for big budget output such as Iron Man and Cowboys VS Aliens. This is where the analogy gets a little awkward, as Casper heads out in a beaten up food truck and starts selling Cuban sandwiches. Whilst they do look rather nice, to say the scheme lacks ambition would be underplaying it.

A scene early on between Favreau and Johansson is a sex scene minus the sex, as she looks on in awe as he prepares some food for them both. Her reaction at the end of the scene seals the deal. There’s a decent frisson between Favreau and Sofia Vergara as Casper’s ex-wife, but ultimately this is a story about male bonding and brotherhood over any attempt at portraying gender equality. With that said, Vergara’s character appears to be successful without the need for male assistance, and Johansson’s character does at least appear to enjoy her job as front of house, so it does at least have this going for it.

Robert Downey Jr featured prominently in the pre-release promotional materials and a number of quotes have been pulled praising his appearance, which given his epic-sized box office appeal is perhaps not such a bad idea. Still, he has one scene and, whilst it is thoroughly entertaining, he’s not a substantial element of the plot. Further to this, there isn’t much depth to Casper’s relationship with his son or ex-wife (although both of these relationships gets just enough to prevent it from being an issue), and John Leguizamo’s Martin is entertaining but exists primarily to provide some Latino flair and funnies. At times it does also feel like a love letter to Twitter thanks to its extensive use throughout, but again this is something that is used just enough to get the message across – literally.

Chef may not mark a return to a Swingers-esque peak, but it does at least have a strong message at its core and some rather delicious looking food to feast your eyes upon. Put it this way, you may never look at a toasted cheese sandwich the same way ever again, mostly because your own attempts will pale in comparison.

Score: 3.5/5

Seve (2014)

Simon Prior

2014-07-04

"You won't play golf, you'll be a farmer, my boy!" — “You won’t play golf, you’ll be a farmer, my boy!”

Twitter Plot Summary: The life and golfing career of one of the all time greats – Seve Ballesteros.

Five Point Summary:

1. Laboured, cliche dramatised youth.
2. Playing golf on the beach.
3. Seve’s golfing legacy is explored.
4. The sad decline of one of golf’s greats.
5. An uplifting ending that brings the story full circle.

Taking a slightly different turn to recent documentaries such as Senna and One Night In Turin, Seve mixes archive footage of possibly the greatest golfer ever to tackle the sport with a young actor, Jose Luis Gutierrez, portraying the young Seve who must fight against his poor upbringing in order to follow his passion for golf.

This dramatisation of Seve’s early life does work in places, but it pales in comparison to the real footage of the golfing legend that is littered throughout the film. The dramatised footage, whilst competent for the most part, ends up reducing the emotional impact of the final 15 minutes which lead towards Seve’s untimely demise in 2011. This portion of his story, whilst undoubtedly sad and traumatic for his loved ones, really deserved more than the few minutes of time that this film permitted. Instead we get an almost cliche representation of growing up and battling against the odds, and appear to have been introduced into the film just to show the parts of Seve’s life that were not captured on screen.

Some aspects of this work because of how it is presented, overlaying commentator audio from some of Seve’s greatest performances with the young Seve winning the Caddie’s tournament at his local club, and taking on a much older opponent after his brother entered into a potentially costly bet with the golf club’s rich owner. There is little focus given to Seve’s personal life outside of the golfing world, and that would appear to be deliberate – he did after all dedicate most of his life to mastering the game at the expense of spending time with his family. It would have still benefitted from more of this side of his life being seen, even if this was only by two or three additional scenes. Sadly these glimpses into the possibly more negative aspects of his life are not covered in any real detail, but if they had they would have acted as a counterpoint to his successes on the golf course.

Not from the film, just a shot of the Great One. Sorry, The Rock.

Where it starts to come into its own is Seve’s influence on the Ryder Cup in his later career, and his friendship with Jose Maria Olazabel which allows a real insight into the man himself. Mixing this with some highlights from his earlier career, most notably the ability to play a shot from almost anywhere (even in the car park), it’s clear to everyone that his many years of dedication and practice as a youngster had paid off.

What Seve the movie ultimately represents is an incredibly talented and dedicated golfer who not only pushed to be the best he could be in his chosen field, but wouldn’t let life get him down even when he fell ill. To say the life story of Seve Ballesteros is an inspirational one would be entirely accurate, although at the same time it also demonstrates the possible issues that total dedication to the cause may create in your personal and maybe even professional life. Either way, there’s a lot of positive messages to take from the film, and is for now at least a worthy celebration of the career and talent of Seve Ballesteros.

Score: 2.5/5

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0jA2fh3wp4

This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Simon Prior

2014-07-03

I wonder what's down there. Actually, I don't. Because I know. — I wonder what’s down there. Actually, I don’t. Because I know.

Twitter Plot Summary: The return of a rock band in the midst of their decline from grace. Funny stuff happens to them.

Five Point Summary:

1. “You can’t dust for vomit.”
2. “…but this goes up to 11.”
3. Cucumber at the airport.
4. Stonehenge is 6″ tall.
5. An upbeat finale. Next stop: Japan!

This Is Spinal tap remains one of the funniest films ever made, whether you are a fan of rock/metal music or not, although obviously those of us that have a penchant for a bit of heavy metal are likely to get more out of it. Lovingly spoofing serious rock documentaries, we follow dog food commercial director Marty DiBergi (Rob Reiner) as he documents Spinal Tap’s first tour of the United States in six years. A band on the decline, the Tap have to face a multitude of problems on the tour, from cancelled gigs to stage-related mishaps to not being able to find the stage (rock and roll!). The band comprise of lead guitarist David St Hubbins (McKean), lead guitarist Nigel Tufnell (Guest) and bass guitarist Derek Smalls (Shearer), with added support from current drummer Mick Shrimpton (Parnell) and keyboard player Viv Savage (Kaff).

Much of the film’s content has since passed into the modern lexicon, none more so than Nigel Tufnell’s Marshall amp which goes up to 11 rather than the standard 10. “Going up to 11” has since become a living phrase in itself to indicate pushing something to the extreme. Or by just going one louder than ten. Almost every other aspect of the story is based on the real exploits of rock and metal bands of the era, which adds an element of realism to proceedings. It’s easy to see real bands enduring similar problems, although all of them happening to the same band is perhaps a touch unlikely. Then again, there are many aspects of this film that later played out to a similar degree in the real life documentary about Canadian metal band Anvil, proving if there was any doubt that there was more than a hint of reality to the situation.

The most amusing recurring gag is the numerous deaths and accidents that have previously befallen Tap’s multitude of drummers, from spontaneous combustion to choking on vomit (not their own). Suffice to say, it seems almost inevitable that their current drummer will meet an untimely end. It also helps that the music, whilst not lyrically serious in the slightest, is as good as the material from the bands they are spoofing. In some cases that means it’s a very silly and not entirely appropriate in a music sense, but again fits in with the inherent silliness as portrayed by the band. Talking of which the band are loveable in their stupidity, simply because they remain resolutely innocent and unaware of half of the daft things they’re saying. Further adding to the humour is that the cast, all American, put on some superb deadpan English accents.

Spinal Tap may begin the film on the decline, but the finale is as triumphant as it gets, a potential tour of Japan on the cards and the possible escape from their steady decline into mediocrity. Whilst dealing with interfering girlfriends and a love triangle, for want of a better term between St Hubbins, Tufnell and Janine, the aforementioned girlfriend of St Hubbins, plus Smalls and his cucumber smuggling, you have a perfect spoof of rock and roll excess.

Score: 5/5

All Things To All Men (2013)

Simon Prior

2014-07-02

Spot the man who has clearly had too much to drink.

Twitter Plot Summary: A thief gets stuck between a maverick cop and a crime kingpin. It also makes London look pretty.

Five Point Summary:

1. The blackmail scheme is established.
2. A slick bank heist.
3. A sudden mid-film twist.
4. The net is closing in. As it were.
5. Aaand there’s the resolution you expected.

All Things To All Men boasts an impressive cast, featuring the talents of Toby Stephens, Rufus Sewell and Gabriel Byrne, but unfortunately they’re let down by a weak script and a plot that we’ve seen several times before in just about every other gritty London crime thriller since Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels came charging out of the gates. It’s also another of those films released in 2013 that were advertised in cinemas quite prominently leading up to release, but then failed to make an appearance in anything more than a few select cinemas. In hindsight it’s easy to see why, as it doesn’t fit in with the usual thriller template we often get on the big screen, and despite the big names attached never makes itself more than the sum of its individual parts.

The latest in that aforementioned long line of gritty thrillers set in London, the plot sees Rufus Sewell’s “maverick” cop butting heads with crime boss Gabriel Byrne, with robber Toby Stephens stuck in the middle being used by both sides. It plays with the concept of right and wrong and blurs the line between the two – this is something we’ve seen before of course, so much of the narrative won’t come as a surprise to anybody. There’s even a glorious amount of theft from LA Confidential’s plot, so fans of that film may get a distinct sense of deja-vu as this particular story develops, albeit with a distinct London twang rather than west coast America.

"Sorry, you're sat so far away I can't hear you. Nice scenery outside though." — “Sorry, you’re sat so far away I can’t hear you. Nice scenery outside though.”

The performances are strong from everyone involved, as you might expect from Byrne, Sewell and Stephens. Byrne in particular must be grateful to be involved in a criminal underworld story that doesn’t ask for him to be punched in the face repeatedly by everybody else in the cast. Confused? Just watch Miller’s Crossing for an explanation. Byrne has perhaps the most development of the three big leads, balancing between his criminal activities and trying to prevent his son from coming to harm. Sewell provides just the right level of shady to pull off his role, whilst Stephens isn’t exactly stretched in terms of acting ability, spending the majority of his time flitting between emotionless and looking mildly bored.

What All Things To All Men does have is some incredibly nice scenery, the cinematography making London look surprisingly shiny and splendid. It doesn’t hurt that pretty much every location used is a potential stop on a London sightseeing tour, and the ones that aren’t viable tourist locations look good regardless. Sadly just because it looks pretty doesn’t make it an entirely successful venture. Whilst the story keeps moving it’s a little too labyrinthine for its own good and whilst stylish and well acted it lacks a killer punch to elevate it beyond straight to DVD territory. Given the talent involved you might have expected a little more from it, and that is perhaps why ultimately it only received a limited cinematic release and is destined to reside in the bargain bins alongside Fire With Fire and Stolen.

Score: 2/5

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGcg3bk_OMI

Zombex (2013)

Simon Prior

2014-07-01

The dirty... four? This is not going to go well. — The dirty… four? This is not going to go well.

Twitter Plot Summary: A couple of guys cross country during a zombie apocalypse. A very badly structured zombie apocalypse.

Five Point Summary:

1. Malcolm McDowell clearly had nothing better to do on this day.
2. Lots of driving, not much going on.
3. Random lesbian scene. Just because.
4. Corey Feldman is in one scene – why?
5. So… what was the point?

There are typically only three or four possible origins for any “traditional” zombie outbreak in films. In the case of Zombex, it’s the result of an evil drugs company and their new drug. The pills from Chandler Pharmaceuticals turning people into the flesh-eating undead. It could be a conspiracy or it could just be bad fortune, but ultimately it’s not of much concern given the quality of this production.

With no disrespect intended as the guy is a legend, you can frequently tell what type of film you’re setting yourself up for as soon as you see Sid Haig’s name appear in the credits. His appearance is typically short however and represents nothing more than an entirely crazy cameo. He does a little better than Corey Feldman, who shows up right at the very end in a thankless role. Much of the narrative follows a southern radio presenter and a guy dressed in black as they drive across the country for reasons that are never really made clear.

It’s another example of your usual low budget zombie fare with all the usual problems – generally poor direction, generally poor acting and a generally poor script. Action is badly framed and the camera is frequently far too close to the actors. The film’s colour palette is weird to say the least, frequently opting to have half the screen in blue and the other half in yellow. It’s not cool or innovative, it just looks weird. The use of New Orleans as the setting is clearly an attempt at drawing parallels with the effects of Hurricane Katrina and subsequent unrest that afflicted the area a few years ago. Indeed, that disaster is the reason for Chandler Pharmaceuticals developing the drug in the first place – step up Malcolm McDowell as the scientist responsible for the drug being developed in what amounts to a weekend’s work for him. Is he American or is he Malcolm McDowell? His accent varies so wildly it’s never a certainty.

A couple of barely dressed women. Because the film thinks you need this.

In more positive news, and as is typical of these low budget zombie films, the gore is impressive and sufficiently nasty. That’s pretty much the only positive thing to say, as the rest of it is almost mind-numbingly dull. The story has no direction, the characters have no personality and it even feels it necessary to shoehorn in a couple of exotic dancers who wear very little and carry machine guns. Suffice to say there is also a lesbian love scene just because the script called for it and they found a couple of women willing to take their tops off.

In terms of internal logic to the story, there is practically none. The main characters move from A to B and never seem to get anywhere closer to their goal, and we’re introduced to a number of secondary characters who play no part to the narrative and exist solely to bump up the zombie attack quota. Bearing in mind the usual rules around zombie outbreaks, the film is as ridiculous as watching the characters have a loud music party in a clearly unsecured venue. Logic is something that Zombex lacks, and is a sadly typical representative of the zombie genre.

Score: 0.5/5

Battleship (2012)

Simon Prior

2014-06-30

"This is supposed to be based on a board game, right?" — “This is supposed to be based on a board game, right?”

Twitter Plot Summary: Alien invaders land in Earth’s oceans and a plucky group of sailors must play Battleship to fight them off.

Five Point Summary:

1. Liam Neeson. Nice to see you for five whole minutes.
2. That guy with no legs couldn’t look more bored if he tried.
3. The barrier comes down.
4. Using an advanced sonar tracking system, which the aliens don’t notice. Hmm.
5. D4… you have sunk my battleship!

Battleship opens with a scene that uses some genuine scientific theory to back up the reason for our alien overlords invading our oceans and sets up a flimsy excuse to adapt a board game that doesn’t exactly lend itself to a film treatment. It does then of course degrade very quickly into silliness, some ill judged humour involving the Pink Panther theme and a break-in at a local minimart do little to inspire confidence in a film that’s already up against it for being based on a Hasbro board game.

In a poor metaphor for the conflict and distrust between the United States and Japan that emanated from the Pacific Theatre in WW2, the crews take part in a football tournament that also acts as yet another example of how American filmmakers, on the whole, have no idea what football (read: soccer) is all about. Soon it degrades even further into silliness as aliens crash in the Pacific Ocean (and a few much smaller locations) and it’s over to Taylor Kitsch and his older brother Alexander Sarsgard to bicker for a while about growing up and being responsible for your actions – a lesson that one of them will surely learn before the end credits roll.

Whilst it’s clear that Liam Neeson is taking on every film role offered to him these days, the casting of Rihanna raises immediate question marks and screams of stunt casting. As it happens she isn’t too bad even if there is almost no depth given to her character. Or, indeed, anybody else’s. In other areas there’s the obligatory swimwear model and an emotionless black man (ironic given that he’s supposed to be angry about losing his legs – although he’s an actual veteran so whilst critical of his performance, his dedication to duty isn’t in question) who encounter the alien invaders on land. Seriously, isn’t this film called Battleship?

Well yes, because in the second half of the film they start playing a lifesize version of the board game in a bid to defeat the alien invaders. If you thought the preceding 70 minutes of build-up were silly then that’s nothing compared to seeing military folks firing missiles at grid references in the vain hope that they will get a “hit” on an alien vessel. This is perhaps not as silly as the appearance of the aliens, who all look like slightly taller versions of Anthrax’s Scott Ian.

The deference to the US military (in all its forms, although in this case specifically the Navy) is abundantly clear and the finale, whilst still verging on the ludicrous, manages to give the audience a surge of excitement despite what they may think of the rest of the film. It still doesn’t excuse it from being a hideous CGI-filled monstrosity, however. The best way to approach Battleship is to think of it as a water-based version of Independence Day, minus the fun factor and the trifecta of Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman and Will Smith. There’s a hefty influence from Michael Bay’s Transformers franchise as well, just in case you needed another excuse not to watch this. The links to the board game are tenuous and presented in an increasingly daft manner. In fact it would be better to have based it on similar board game Torpedo Run. It then raises the question as to what board game will be adapted for film next. Hungry Hippos: The Movie?

Score: 2/5

Lone Wolf and Cub: Sword of Vengeance (1972)

Simon Prior

2014-06-29

Call him fat and he'll slice your nose off. — Call him fat and he’ll slice your nose off.

Twitter Plot Summary: A masterless samurai seeks revenge on those who killed his wife. He is accompanied by his young son.

Five Point Summary:

1. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
2. Mad woman.
3. Man stands and watches other man kill another man.
4. Sunlight is a samurai’s enemy.
5. The cart has its uses.

Adapted from the long-running manga (Japanese comic books, for those not in the know), Lone Wolf & Cub follows the adventures of a Ronin (a samurai without a master) who travels across feudal Japan with his young son. Much of the appeal of the Lone Wolf series lies in its brutal violence, attention to the details of the feudal system in Japan, and the clear links the films have to the spaghetti western genre. Our lead is a generally silent force of nature (although he does have a lot to say early on), righting wrongs on his travels and seeking revenge on those that caused the death of his wife, all the while protecting his son from the violence that surrounds them. The claret flows with reckless abandon as wave after wave of bad guys fall foul of Ogami Itto’s sword. True to form, it’s never in doubt that he will win the day, whether you’ve read the manga or not.

Hidden beneath the violence is not only a compelling but simple story, but also a very well directed piece of cinema. Kenji Misumi has an eye for framing shots and creating atmosphere with the minimum of effort. Dropping all audio except for the swish of Ogami’s sword, the violence has its own sense of style and grace. Musical cues are used sparingly, but when introduced they are all the more powerful having been preceded by near silence.

It's the only way to fight in feudal Japan. — It’s the only way to fight in feudal Japan.

Running at a very lean 83 minutes, there’s little room for filler in this story. In fact you could argue that the only reason why it runs for more than an hour is because of the slow drawl of a couple of the bad guys or the obligatory need to show Ogami sleeping with a prostitute as proof that he has no fear of his captors (and to save her life lest their captors decide to bump her off). Whilst not delving into fantasy territory, there is much oddness to be seen, from a mad young woman insisting on breastfeeding Ogami’s son to standing around and watching your nemesis fight, or vice versa letting your nemesis simply walk away when he’s within striking distance. Maybe that’s just a cultural thing, but even so it seems a slightly odd process to follow, especially when driven by the desire for vengeance.

This opening film marked the first of many adventures in the world of the Lone Wolf, and gets things off to a strong start. Revelling in the period Japanese setting, the violence and the classic tale of a man seeking revenge, much can be said through simple imagery rather than dialogue. It’s a joy to watch for fans of the martial arts genre, with stunningly choreographed fight sequences and revelations that the baby cart has a bit more to it than simply being a form of transport for a three year old boy. It might be a basic piece of Grindhouse cinema to some, but for everyone else it’s deliciously violent and exactly the sort of diversion from the norm that the samurai genre needed.

Score: 4/5

Dom Hemingway (2013)

Simon Prior

2014-06-28

Twitter Plot Summary: Dom Hemingway, a safe breaker, emerges from prison and seeks remuneration for not blabbing on his boss.

Five Point Summary:

1. Smoking in a pub?!
2. Random nudity.
3. Slow motion car crash.
4. Meet the daughter.
5. Redemption?

Dom Hemingway is his own worst enemy, a rambunctious safe breaker with a frankly excellent beard who operates on the wrong side of the law. The story picks up with Dom leaving prison after 12 years behind bars, and after quickly catching up with the man who later married his wife and giving him a piece of his mind… and his fist, he heads to France to collect what he’s owed from the crime boss he refused to rat on. When a number of mishaps later occur and Dom ends up having to start from scratch, he encounters his estranged daughter and attempts to work his way back into her life. As you do.

It’s clear as to why Jude Law took the role. Dom is a law unto himself (no pun intended) doing what he wants when he wants, and speaking almost lyrically, his dialogue clearly written to sound like it’s being spoken in Shakespearean verse. Law is ably supported by Richard E Grant as his long suffering friend and plays it as a modern update of Withnail. Their friendship is the highlight of the movie, although sadly there isn’t nearly enough of their fun banter to see it through.

Amidst all the remaining banter, swearing and violence is a story about a man trying to reconnect with his daughter, played by Game of Thrones’ Emilia Clarke, who has since grown up and started a family of her own. Tonally though it’s a helter skelter, varying between the madness that is Dom’s world and reconnecting with the strange new world he has emerged into. This is in part thanks to the episodic style of the script, each twist and turn in Dom’s life being punctuated as chapter points. It’s another style choice that makes Dom Hemingway stand out from other crime capers, albeit one that is as likely to irritate its audience as Dom’s irascible personality.

He's either going to headbutt him, or kiss him. — He’s either going to headbutt him, or kiss him.

Dom is an antique in the criminal world, the shadier types having moved on to more elaborate and more technologically advanced methods in the twelve years he’s been locked away. Had the film been set in an earlier time period then perhaps Dom’s actions would hold more weight. With that said, they are invariably funny and it’s rare for any of the jokes to fall flat. Even an extended exchange of dialogue between Dom and Lestor, the son of a former rival gang leader Dom once had issues with, about the pet cat Dom killed before he was sent down remains amusing despite its macabre content.

There’s a lot of good ideas here, and the slightly uneven plotting fits in nicely with Dom’s method of getting things done, but its anarchic structure and Dom’s inherent appeal can only carry it so far. While Dom remains a delight until his slightly more mellow outlook in the second half, there’s not enough capering and not enough Dom and Dickie. The estranged daughter plot line also doesn’t do the character any favours, and tonally these scenes don’t gel with the rest of the film. Still, it’s moderately enjoyable as it is, and you do at least get to see Dom humping a safe until it opens. You can’t say that about many films.

Score: 3/5

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns Part 2 (2013)

Simon Prior

2014-06-27

Unstoppable force, immoveable object, etc.

Twitter Plot Summary: The Dark Knight continues his quest to restore peace to Gotham, whilst butting heads with The Joker and Superman.

Five Point Summary:

1. Bats getting back into the groove.
2. Some Russian aggression.
3. Bats VS The Joker, for the final time.
4. Bats VS Supes, for the final time.
5. A new beginning?

Picking up from the closing moments of Part 1, The Dark Knight Returns Part 2 takes events to another level and presents the closing half of a story that is perhaps as dark as Batman gets. The return of Batman has caused uproar both in Gotham and on a national level, resulting in The Joker awakening from a lengthy catatonic state and somehow managing to convoke his doctor to allow him onto a TV talk show, through which he will have opportunity to explain his side of events. The gang problem may have mostly been resolved thanks to Batman’s intervention in Part 1, but now there are larger concerns in the form of the Russians, their invasion plans for the island of Corto Maltese, and their impressive nuclear arsenal.

Once again the animation is crisp and clean, and acts as a near perfect adaptation of the graphic novel source material. There are some elements of that graphic novel that are not explained as clearly in the film, in particular relating to Gotham’s condition after it all hits the fan, but thematically at least the film remains as strong as the source. Superman is a government whipping boy, the only super-powered being permitted to intervene in events and subsequently used as a targeted weapon acting on behalf of the United States government. The resulting nuclear blast(s) certainly ensure that this is not a film for a younger market. Not only does the blood flow and female Russian bad guys run around with some conveniently placed tape covering up their chest, but Superman has a potentially disturbing scene following an encounter with a nuclear blast.

The Joker, still as crazy as ever. For Batman.

There are a couple of other minor issues that prevent the film from reaching the same heights as the graphic novel. For starters Michael Emerson’s Joker lacks something, he’s a little too calm to be the Joker, catatonic state or not. True, he does come across as unnervingly sinister, but Emerson needed to be a little more OTT to really inhabit the character. Still, the character’s actions are absolutely clear and are entirely appropriate given his history with Batman. Their final encounter in a fair, of all places, is a fitting end to that particular story. Given her previous life, it’s also a surprise to see Selina Kyle having put on weight and appearing like a cat that’s had too much cream in the later years of its life.

On the other hand, Dark Knight Rises Part 2 does end strongly, if leaning heavily towards the darker end of the spectrum, and the showdown between Superman and Batman is a worthy end. It also marks the start of a possibly grim future, albeit one marked with the glimmer of hope. It would be somewhat churlish to criticise the film too much against the graphic novel as the whole purpose of this is to expand the source material out to a wider audience. Whilst it doesn’t have time to cover every aspect of that novel, despite being split into two halves, it performs admirably enough to stand alone. This second part works better in isolation than Part 1, however it all flows nicely when combining the two.

Score: 3.5/5

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