R.I.P.D. (2013)

2013-09-23

So far, so Men in Black.

Twitter Plot Summary: After dying, police man Nick is hired by the Rest in Peace Department to solve crime from beyond the grave.

Genre: Action/Comedy/Crime/Fantasy

Director: Robert Schwentke

Key Cast: Ryan Reynolds, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Bacon, Mary-Louise Parker, Robert Knepper, Marisa Miller, James Hong.

Five Point Summary:

1. Foreshadowing, for all of three seconds. Right…
2. Terrible CGI. Seriously terrible.
3. I like the avatar concept, it has its fair share of jokes.
4. A VHS tape? Whoop! Old school!
5. Oh, it’s turned into a video game. A bad one at that.

Another comic book adaptation starring Ryan Reynolds, and another disappointment. Green Lantern was an uninspired hash of a film, and sadly R.I.P.D. (which stands for Rest in Peace Department, for the uninitiated.) is more of the same. Despite the fact R.I.P.D. is pretty bad, I can’t blame the cast or Ryan Reynolds in particular, he just seems to have a problem with picking decent roles. Or that could be his agent’s fault, thinking about it. As an odd couple partnership, the cowboy Roy (Bridges) and modern cop Nick should be fun to watch – their relationship is the best thing in the film by a long stretch – yet something doesn’t sit right.

We’re given a mere 10 minutes of preamble before Ryan Reynolds’ Nick is bumped off during a police job and is sent up into the void and signed up by the R.I.P.D. to hunt “deados” and ensure the human world isn’t destroyed. Apparently this battle between good and evil has been ongoing for centuries. Yawn, moving on. The CGI really is atrocious, it has that Men In Black vibe but without any of its style. Director Robert Schwentke tries to make up for it with some nice directorial flourishes – action is kinetic and he tries to at least make it look interesting, but the story is old hat and the effects sub-par. Aside from Nick’s quest to take down the guy who killed him, the remaining plot of preventing the end of the world is disjointed and doesn’t make much sense. Other parts of the story such as why deado’s have a problem with Indian food are poorly explained.

Jeff Bridges works as early 19th century lawman Roy, although his Old West accent gets in the way of his dialogue now and again. Sometimes he speaks and you can’t understand what he’s saying. On the plus side, you get the general gist of it, so even if you can’t understand the words you know the intonation and meaning behind them. Ryan Reynolds is, well… Ryan Reynolds. Nothing spectacular but he does his schtick and is fairly dependable.

Can these two get their own spin-off?

Robert Knepper is a wasted appearance, he has less than a minute of screen time before he morphs into some CGI monstrosity. Same again for Mary-Louise Parker, she has what I’m assuming was a few days filming on set before going off and making Red 2 or Weeds or whatever else she has on the cards at the moment. And if you weren’t previously aware, Kevin Bacon is in the film. Surprise! It’s amazing that he didn’t show up more prominently in the trailers, but then he’s so over-exposed from the EE mobile network adverts it’s probably best that he shows up as a surprise. Not necessarily welcome, mind, his character isn’t that interesting and he’s working hard against a bad script.

Some funnies are provided by Roy and Nick’s avatars on Earth – to us they look like Jeff Bridges and Ryan Reynolds, but to everybody else they look like Marisa Miller and James Hong. A couple of times we see men in awe of Marisa Miller’s assets, for want of a better term, which Roy inadvertently plays up to.

I’ve not read the comic book as yet, but I think I can say with a reasonable amount of safety that it’s better than this film. Shame really, as Jeff Bridges is always an actor I enjoy seeing and despite the poor quality of this film if you’re a fan of his work then you might as well give this a punt. If not or you had concerns from the trailer then I’d advise to steer clear or at least wait for it to become a cheap purchase or cheaper rental.

Favourite scene: The freeze frame moment after Nick has died. Best use of CGI in the film by a significant margin.

Quote: “She billy-goated me. Something we used to do.”

Silly Moment: The first CGI transformation. It’s terrible.

Score: 2/5

Carte Blanche (2011)

Simon Prior

2013-09-22

Author: Jeffrey Deaver

Publication Date: 26 May 2011

I’m rather fond of Ian Fleming’s James Bond novels. There’s something about the Cold War setting, the old-school spy game feel to his novels that is appealing to me. All the writers who have since tackled the character have, for me at least, failed to capture the same energy that Fleming had with his stories, although bearing in mind that he created the character that should come as no surprise.

Carte Blanche was released in 2011, the 37^th novel to feature James Bond and the first in the series to be written by Jeffrey Deaver. Bond’s history has been shifted so he’s now a modern day, 21^st century spy and an Afghanistan war veteran. I’m not a fan of moving Bond out of the Cold War era, despite my acceptance of the film franchise and its constant need to update Bond’s setting and history. For some reason I’m fine with that, yet for the novels I expect him to remain a Cold War spy and never progress beyond that. I’m a real bundle of contradictions.

Modern day Bond works for the Overseas Development Group, which is basically a modern update of Bond’s role in the non-descript secret service of Fleming’s original run of novels. M is still running the show and Bond is still a member of the 00 Section, which gives him carte blanche (don’t blame me, it’s in the book several times) to defend the realm by whatever means necessary. He sets off on the trail of Severan Hydt, the owner of Green Way International, a waste disposal company that appears to be legitimate yet whispers in the intelligence network implies that there might be more to them under the surface.

The novel opens with a breathless set piece in Serbia where Bond is attempting to stop Irish rogue Niall Dunne from derailing a train. From here the plot thickens as Bond has to work against the clock to prevent a huge loss of life, orchestrated by Hydt with assistance from Dunne. In this sense the story is classic Bond – Hydt has a rather excessive obsession with decay and death, and Dunne is a typical Bond villain henchman, stoic yet cunning. Bond meanwhile gets to briefly work with old favourites Felix Leiter and Rene Mathis as well as new character Bheka Jordaan, a South African police officer. I enjoyed the opening, yet I didn’t feel that the rest of the story was able to maintain that level of excitement.

Deaver has a style that I’m not too keen on – lots of repetition of character’s thoughts, and narrative techniques start to grate after a while. Furthermore, Deaver constantly tries to pull the rug out from under the reader’s feet by ending a chapter on a cliff-hanger that’s resolved in an absurd manner at the beginning of the next. Deaver also portrays Bond as being somebody who’s able to think several steps ahead – this is fine – however because Deaver does this via the aforementioned cliff-hangers Bond ends up looking like a smug piece of work. Hardly conducive for hoping that he solves the case. There’s more than a hint of Dan Brown about the narrative, which is perhaps not the most complementary comparison I can make. This style did make me continue through the book relatively easily however, so there’s obviously something about it that works.

If you were to make a film of this story you would have a decent thriller, but you’d have a poor James Bond film. Maybe I was expecting more from it. Maybe I’m just too enamoured with Fleming’s original books. Either way, I didn’t engage with it as I had hoped and ultimately found it a disappointment. I don’t think there’s anything to be read into this, but the next Bond novel has been written by William Boyd and will be set in 1969. A return to the original setting for the character will hopefully reap dividends and be a more entertaining story. We’ll see.

Rating: 2.5/5

The Way Way Back (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-09-22

You get the impression this kid is isolated?

Twitter Plot Summary: On a summer vacation with his Mum and step-Dad, 14 year old Duncan makes friends with the carefree owner of the local water park.

Genre: Comedy/Drama

Director: Nat Faxon and Jim Rash

Key Cast: Steve Carell, Toni Collette, Sam Rockwell, Allison Janney, AnnaSophia Robb, Maya Rudolph, Liam James, Rob Corddry, Amanda Peet, River Alexander, Zoe Levin, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash.

Five Point Summary:

1. Giving him a 3 rating. That’s harsh.
2. Sam Rockwell – legend.
3. And lo, a career at a water park doth begin.
4. It all comes out in the open. Most of them don’t seem that bothered.
5. A satisfying ending. Scriptwriters, take note.

The Way Way Back opens in a low key fashion; whilst driving to their summer home, we only see wannabe step-Dad Trent’s (Carell) eyes and forehead reflected in the rear view mirror as he talks to step-son Duncan (James) and asks him to rate himself on a scale of 1-10. After Duncan gives himself a reasonable rating of 6, Trent states he sees him as a 3. And thus, with this snippet of interaction, the tone is set for the next 100 minutes. Duncan is shy and locked within his shell – his mother is determined to make things work with Trent; Trent looks down on Duncan; Duncan’s father has moved away with his new (younger) girlfriend. Understandably Duncan has a somewhat bleak worldview at the start of the film. As it’s a coming of age drama you expect Duncan to find his place in the world, or at least start off down that path. In this sense the script doesn’t venture into any new ground, instead it’s the characters that bring it to life and elevate it beyond cliché.

I was able to identify with Duncan’s sense of disenfranchisement, his feelings of not fitting in with the crowds and wanting to find his own path. Whilst I can’t draw on the feelings of abandonment that he also feels, specifically with regards to his parent’s divorce and separation, the lack of focus to his life is something that I’m sure many people can use to draw comparisons to their own lives. Sometimes a new experience or new perspective is required to give you that impetus to go forth and branch out, either on your own or with support from friends and family, and that is where the strength in this film lies. By finding escape from the repressive attitudes of Trent and the laissez-faire attitude of his mother, Duncan is able to explore new boundaries within the convenient narrative framing device of the Water Wizz park.

For anyone that may have had any doubt about Steve Carell’s acting abilities (I’m sure some people out there aren’t keen on him), then look no further than this. He’s completely unlikeable and this doesn’t change from opening to close, at one point berating Duncan for staying out all day and not checking in and then doing exactly the same thing himself a short time later. Sam Rockwell meanwhile is at the top of his game, his fun-loving, wisecracking park owner Owen is simply fantastic. He undergoes a similar journey to Duncan, as though the meeting of the two of them, despite the age gap, has made each of them realise their potential and make some essential changes in their lives. Liam James is similarly impressive as Duncan – he definitely fits the bill of awkward teenager. Support from Toni Collette (restrained yet strong performance), Maya Rudolph (playing off Rockwell’s flirting perfectly) and directorial pair of Nat Faxon and Jim Rash add colour to proceedings as two water park employees. It’s a great cast and whilst not every character is fully fleshed out, in the grand scheme of things it’s not all that important.

Furthermore, the friendly relationship Duncan has with the girl next door doesn’t feel forced and complements his journey of self discovery, and not in that sense you dirty minded people. The ending too doesn’t wrap things up perfectly, instead resolving the story but leaving it open for either a sequel or, my preferred option, letting the audience make their own minds up as to what will happen next for everyone. Suffice to say we don’t need to see what happens next with Duncan and his family, and first time directors Faxon and Rash have given us an excellent coming of age drama. More please.

Favourite scene: Duncan is forced to come out of his shell by breaking up an impromptu dance party in the water park.

Quote:

Owen: I’m afraid I’m gonna have to ask you to leave!

Duncan: What?

Owen: You’re having way to much fun. It’s making everyone uncomfortable.

Duncan: Okay.

Owen: Wow! I was just kidding! That wasn’t even my best stuff!

Silly Moment: The fact they get to spend a whole summer in a seaside town – don’t these people have jobs to go to?

Score: 4.5/5

Sharknado (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-09-21

Erm, there's a shark behind you. — Erm, there’s a shark behind you.

Twitter Plot Summary: Sharks are thrown inland by a raging tornado. As the tagline states: Enough said!

Genre: Horror/Sci-Fi

Director: Anthony C Ferrante

Key Cast: Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, John Heard, Cassie Scerbo, Jaason Simmons,

Five Point Summary:

1. That CGI… ye gods.
2. Subverting the cliche – it’s not a baby trapped in the car, it’s a dog.
3. Let him go man, he’s already dead!
4. Are Ian Ziering and Tara Reid old enough to have kids that look the same age as them?
5. That’s a stupid plan for solving the Sharknado problem. Very stupid.

Opening with a shot of a shoal of sharks being swept up by a fierce tornado, you know immediately that this ain’t Shakespeare. Of course, with a title like Sharknado, you get exactly what you sign up for when you watch it, it’s about as subtle as repeated hammer blows to the face. There’s a special place for films like this, films that exist just to be entertaining. We forgive the terrible script, the outrageous situation and the action that verges on slapstick, simply because we enter into an unspoken tryst with the movie producers. They know it’s bad, we know it’s bad, now move on and enjoy the mayhem.

Bar owner Fin experiences the shark-infested tornado first-hand and decides that he needs to save his estranged wife and kids. Joined by his Australian (I think) friend Baz (Simmons), bar girl Nova (Scerbo) and resident alcoholic George (Heard), they battle floods, heavy winds and, of course, man-eating sharks on their way to the home of April (Reid) and her kids. First big continuity issue there – the hallway beneath the stairs gets flooded inside the house, allowing sharks inside (as non-spoilery as I can be, honest), yet they run outside and there’s no floods whatsoever and they’re able to drive away without trouble. I know picking holes in a film called Sharknado is somewhat contradictory, but if you can’t even establish logic within the world of the film then how are we as an audience supposed to suspend our disbelief? Once again, I think I’m reading too much into it…

Tara Reid, as the “big name” star, is atrocious. I don’t want to be libellous by any stretch (well, no more than I can get away with), but she doesn’t seem like she’s all there. No wonder she’s become such good friends with Jedward. It also gives me less hope about Sharknado 2, as and when that comes out. If it’s her and Jedward against another freak tornado filled with sharks then we’re in for a bumpy ride. I am intrigued to find out how that will work though – how would another freak tornado full of sharks happen? Probably the same as this film…

Now there's something you don't see every day... — Now there’s something you don’t see every day…

Ignoring the obvious problems with having sharks thrown inland by a tornado, there’s also the massive issue of the children that Tara Reid and Ian Ziering have supposedly spawned. Either those two characters needed to be played by older actors or the kids needed to be younger, because there’s no way that those two are parents of kids that old. Compared to the rest of the film it’s a very minor bugbear, but one that bothers me all the same. That’s what I’m here for you see, to make completely arbitrary points about bad films! And on that note – characters make decisions arbitrarily and with no serious forethought. Others get to recount their pasts so we know why they hate sharks so much. It’s fascinating that out of such a small cross section of people they hold such a hatred for our fishy brethren. Most strange.

Whilst the CGI is terrible, the acting cheesy and the entire situation completely implausible and ridiculous, it’s a massively entertaining film for exactly those reasons. It’s stupid and knows it, and that’s why it works so well. As far as the stupidity goes it maintains this from start to finish, but the second half of the film doesn’t quite live up to expectations. Okay, the second half is just as stupid as the first, perhaps even more so on occasion (to go into detail would spoil the fun for you), but it feels like it starts to run out of steam and as soon as they hatch a plan for stopping the tornado (it’s absolutely nuts) you kind of know where it’s all heading. Well, apart from two little bits. You’ll know them when you see them. Not so much jumping the shark or nuking the fridge, but almost going as far as ripping the film from the camera and burning it in a pagan ritual.

Of course, Adam West Batman had the answer to this problem – shark repellent bat spray. Enough said.

Favourite scene: Saving the dog trapped in the car, just before the killer sharks come along and do their dirty work.

Quote: “We can’t just wait here for sharks to rain down on us.”

Silly Moment: Erm… all of it?

Score: 3/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwsqFR5bh6Q

Pain & Gain (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-09-20

Dwayne, have you been cooking again? I can smell something.

Twitter Plot Summary: Three bodybuilders kidnap Tony Shalhoub, then it all goes to pot. Bayhem style.

Genre: Comedy/Crime/Drama

Director: Michael Bay

Key Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub, Ed Harris, Rob Corddry, Ken Jeong, Bar Paly, Rebel Wilson, Peter Stormare.

Five Point Summary:

1. Sloooooow mooooootionnnnnn…
2. Oh joy, Ken Jeong.
3. Failed attempts at kidnapping their target. Amusing.
4. So many voiceovers… Sooooo many voiceovers…
5. The worst part is, the actors look nothing like their real world counterparts. Yeah, that’s the worst part.

Pain and Gain was supposed to be Michael Bay’s attempt at making a low budget, low key film after a long string of explosive action films for which he is best known. A budget of $22 million isn’t exactly what you’d call low key or even low budget, but compared to the ridiculousness that is the Transformers series, it’s small change.

Perhaps thankfully there’s no sign of any giant transforming alien robots. Or, indeed, any small ones either. Three dumb bodybuilders played by Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Mackie and Dwayne Johnson (and they really are dumb) kidnap business man and incredibly rich Victor Kershaw (Shalhoub), steal all of his money and possessions and live the American Dream albeit it exploiting the success of others. Pain and Gain is supposed to be a comment on the American Dream – being able to prosper and be successful without limitations. That’s all through hard work and determination rather than kidnapping a wealthy man and stealing his moneys, of course. There are no shortcuts to the American Dream, and that’s what our trio of bodybuilders attempt, and fail, to do. Such a comment about the American Dream would need to be handled deftly, but in Michael Bay’s hands it’s soon lost amongst the Bayhem and excessive amount of slow motion. Seriously, is that absolutely necessary? Does it add anything of value other than being a superfluous directorial flourish and looking a bit cool? No, that’s the extent of it.

One confusing aspect is the multiple narrative voiceovers. Almost all of the principle characters have a go at the old voiceover technique, a sign of a script that doesn’t really know what point it wants to make and, indeed, if there’s a point to be made at all. By having so many different characters give us their thoughts it just muddies the narrative waters by not giving us one or two voices to focus on. It gets to the point where you expect the dog to have an internal monologue so we, the audience, understand where he’s at psychologically within the story and just how tasty Dwayne Johnson’s toe actually is, but we don’t get any of that, unfortunately. The stripper gets her 2 minutes in voiceover mode, but the dog doesn’t. Perhaps a concept for another low budget film for you, Mr Bay?

Dwayne Johnson is the best thing in the film, by a significant margin. His born-again Christian, fresh from prison has conflicting emotions between his church and what they are doing. Narratively there’s also no reason for him to being there either, but it would be a much, much, much, much, MUCH worse film if he wasn’t there. Wahlberg and Mackie are typically dependable but the only appeal in watching them is by laughing at how incredibly stupid and self-centred they are. Wahlberg is honing a fine array of comedic roles as of late, what with Ted, 2 Guns and The Other Guys in the last few years, with Pain and Gain being another good entry (as far as comedy is concerned) in his catalogue.

Somebody had smelt what The Rock was cookin'. It was crystal meth. — Somebody had smelt what The Rock was cookin’. It was crystal meth.

Despite the inherent silliness and the fact it’s a Michael Bay film it’s very funny, yet the laughs come at the expense of the real people who were at the receiving end of their actions. On the other hand the people who are killed or disadvantaged aren’t sympathetic characters in the first place, so as far as the film is concerned it’s difficult to feel bad about the things that happen to them. I can’t speak for those involved in real events but the characters in the film are unpleasant and, almost without exception, deserve what happens to them. Harsh I know, but this is solely based on the characters as portrayed in the film, I’m sure there were more shades of grey in reality.

You may have already guessed this as well, but women are not well represented either. Come on, this is Michael Bay we’re talking about, did you expect anything less from the guy who gave us that teen-viewer grabbing shot of Megan Fox draped over a motorcycle in Transformers Revenge of the Fallen? Rebel Wilson seems to only have been cast because she’s the complete opposite of your typical Michael Bay leading lady. She’s decent in the role, however, just she only exists to act as a second act distraction for Anthony Mackie.

Yes, Pain and Gain works as a film and yes, it is frequently amusing, but it only scores as highly as it does because of that fact. It’s shallow and misogynistic and there are no lessons to be learned here other than if you’re stupid and get ideas above your station then it will not end well for you, probably in prison and/or death row. If it had been an original story rather than based on true events then it would have been easier to laugh at what goes down, instead it’s half tragic if you think about it for more than a fleeting moment. Best to just disengage your brain, enjoy the funnies as best you can and then move along and watch something a tad more meaningful. Or the more sensible option – watch something not directed by Michael Bay and just give this a miss.

Favourite scene: Dwayne Johnson in the Eagle’s Nest, staring at a lot of “homo stuff.”

Quote: “Don’t eyeball me! I’ve seen your mother driving up and down these streets looking at me! I’ll be your stepfather in about a week!”

Silly Moment: There are several – all of the stupid things they do without realising they’re leaving evidence in their wake. Key example – Dwayne giving his severed toe to the dog of one of their victims.

Score: 3/5

Charlotte’s Web (2006)

Simon Prior

2013-09-19

It's all about the spider and the pig. Except when it's about the rat. — It’s all about the spider and the pig. Except when it’s about the rat.

Twitter Plot Summary: Wilbur the pig befriends Charlotte, a spider in his barn. To save him from becoming bacon, she writes words in her web.

Genre: Comedy/Family/Fantasy

Director: Gary Winick

Key Cast: Dakota Fanning, Julia Roberts, Steve Buscemi, John Cleese, Robert Redford, Oprah Winfrey, Cedric The Entertainer, Cathy Bates, Thomas Haden Church, Andre Benjamin, Dominic Scott Kay, Sam Shepard, Abraham Benrubi, Kevin Anderson, Essie Davis, Beau Bridges, Siobhan Fallon, Nate Mooney.

Five Point Summary:

1. Talking animals and a pig… Babe 3 avec un spider?
2. Steve Buscemi as a rat. Entirely appropriate.
3. Those crows are really funny.
4. A wordy spider is an entertaining spider.
5. Man, that’s a sad ending. Kind of.

Any family film where the animals talk is guaranteed to be a winner, more so these days when they’re enhanced by CGI. In fact make that “good” CGI. Effects have come along quite a way since Babe, and whilst the CGI Wilbur is rather obviously generated in a computer the fact he is, on occasion, a computer generated creation is not as jarring and/or irritating as you might expect.

The Babe parallels are apparent. There’s a talking pig, for starters. Then there’s the Australian filming locations which creates a similar look to that earlier film. Then there’s the market fair at the end, although this time it’s not about being a sheep-herding pig but all about Charlotte’s web and her miraculous ability to write words on it. If Babe: Pig In the City hadn’t been quite so dark then this could have easily been the third in the series. Yes, with added spider.

Wilbur is your typical pig, albeit the runt of the litter. He’s saved from the chop (haha, chop!) by Fern, who’s just some girl who lives on a farm and, in her yellow raincoat, looks like an extra from The Village who got lost on her way to the set and ended up on a farm with anthropomorphic farmyard animals. Desperate to see the end of the season without becoming bacon, sausage, pork loin or, Grud forbid, black pudding, Wilbur befriends Charlotte, a spider in the barn, who decides to help Wilbur by weaving words into her web so he will be seen as special and subsequently deserving of more life. Let’s face it, all they have to do is let him grow for a couple of years and slaughter him then – more meat and all that. Sorry, that was a bit dark… Moving on!

Dakota Fanning is one of those child actors that don’t annoy, providing a solid performance despite her young age. Well, if we ignore her performance in War of the Worlds, that was definitely irritating. Apart from her, the human characters have little to do, which is appropriate given that the story is all about Wilbur and Charlotte. At best the humans get to gasp and gather round like proverbial sheep and coo over the apparently exciting fact that a spider has written some words in her web.

Funny moments are provided throughout – the crows are dumbfounded by the guy in the field (a scarecrow) who they describe as a freak of nature for his amazing endurance (if they only knew), and Ike The Horse (Robert Redford) is terribly afraid of spiders and faints when Charlotte reveals she drinks the blood of the flies she catches. Then there’s Templeton the rat, voiced by Steve Buscemi. Forget Wilbur and Charlotte (voiced by Dominic Scott Kay and Juliar Roberts), Buscemi as Templeton was the star for me. Templeton is the loveable antihero, self-obsessed yet will help Charlotte and Wilbur… for a price. You couldn’t call him nuanced in any sense, but he is at the very least entertaining. In any case there are sufficient elements to the film to allow enjoyment from both kids and parents.

There’s one lesson that comes out of Charlotte’s Web, and it’s that death is part of the natural order of things. That’s potentially a bit dark for a kids film, but the tone is balanced perfectly and nowhere near the depths of darkness that Babe: Pig In The City decided to tread. It ends hopefully, bracing us for the inevitableness of death yet embracing the joys of life and all that is special about it. Or maybe I’m just reading too much into a film predominantly about a spider helping a pig avoid being eaten.

Favourite scene: Templeton goes off to find some words for Charlotte and has to deal with the bickering crows.

Quote: “Templeton, haven’t you ever heard that good things come to those who wait?”

“No. Good things come to those who find it and shove it in their mouth!”

Silly Moment: The crows covered in pink paint and debating whether or not that’s a good thing.

Score: 3/5

White House Down (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-09-18

Assume the John McClane pose... check. Find gun... next on the agenda. — Assume the John McClane pose… check. Find gun… next on the agenda.

Twitter Plot Summary: John Cale goes for a job interview at the White House, on the same day that terrorists attack it. He goes John McClane, white vest and all.

Genre: Action/Drama/Thriller

Director: Roland Emmerich

Key Cast: Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jason Clarke, Richard Jenkins, James Woods, Joey King, Nicolas Wright, Michael Murphy, Lance Reddick, Jake Weber, Peter Jacobson, Rachelle Lefevre, Jimmi Simpson,

Five Point Summary:

1. That is one fine haircut, Mr Woods.
2. Oh look, an Independence Day reference. Hah. Hah. Hah.
3. And look! It’s Taub from House!
4. And look some more! It’s one of the white supremacists from Breaking Bad!
5. Well, that was a very silly film wasn’t it? I rather enjoyed it.

The movie industry has a rather unfortunate pastime of repeating itself. I’ve said it before (see my review of Super), and I’ll be saying it over and over again until people get sick of reading my posts. The fact of the matter is that we often have two similar films or ideas released around the same time. This year we’ve already had Olympus Has Fallen, where Gerard Butler was the fly in the ointment preventing the terrorists from controlling the United States’ nuclear arsenal. White House Down’s threat is an altogether more realistic prospect, coming from within the United States at a time when the President is attempting to broker peace in the Middle East. The pen is mightier than the sword and all that jazz. There is resistance from within the government and you know all is not well when James Woods, head of the President’s security detail and a few days away from retirement, decides to remove his Stars and Stripes pin badge.

Elsewhere, we’re again met by the old stalwart of the Absent Father Syndrome. Cale (Tatum) has moved from job to job, completed a few tours of service in Afghanistan, and is now working private security for the Speaker of the House. He wants to become a member of the secret service yet his past is holding him back. He has an 11 year old daughter who is obsessed with politics and he is able to call in enough favours to get her a pass to join a White House tour with an excitable guide played by Nicolas Wright. Then the terrorists begin their assault, in quite a low-key and dare I say it, realistic manner, and things start blowing up and Cale has to protect the President as well as try and rescue his daughter who is being held hostage. There’s an obvious commentary on US foreign policy here, but any subtlety regarding that potentially thorny issue is thrown out the window almost as soon as things start getting silly. Probably for the best.

Watching James Woods get undressed made them both very uncomfortable.

Cale has a past with Special Agent Finnerty (Gyllenhaal), but this isn’t explored as much as it possibly should or could have been. Gyllenhaal is reduced to being a glorified secretary by supporting Cale over the telephone. If you were expecting any strong female characters (a long shot, I admit) then you’ll be very disappointed. There’s also the plot involving the expert hacker that literally goes nowhere. He hacks in, he shows us what he can do with a wireless camera, some explosives and some computer code he’s apparently written, but then that’s about it. Chief goon Stenz gets much more to do whilst getting angry about Cale killing his team. They also, perhaps wisely, don’t go into too much depth with Cale’s relationship with his ex-wife, that would definitely be treading on Die Hard’s toes and there are already too many comparisons between the two as it is.

I hate to have to constantly refer back to Olympus Has Fallen, but unfortunately the links are inevitable. Suffice to say, Jamie Foxx’s President Sawyer is much more hands on compared to Aaron Eckhart’s “damsel in distress” president in Olympus. It’s got more of that Die Hard 3 vibe in that for most of the film it’s Foxx and Tatum working together. Some of the CGI is glaringly obvious whilst other parts kind of work in that typical Roland Emmerich way. Comparisons are inevitable to his other films, but for once he keeps it relatively sane and doesn’t do what I expected him to do in his follow-up to 2012, and that is for him to destroy the universe, Emmerich style. Maybe for the next film perhaps?

Cale is down with the wisecracks on occasion, but it’s comparatively light on jokes and whimsy. Okay yes, some of the set pieces are stupid and every now and again we do get treated to a sprinkling of humour, but it has less fun with the premise than Olympus did. I think that’s half the problem too – having such similarly plotted movies means you will inevitably draw comparisons between them. Put it this way – both films can exist side by side, and both have their good and bad points. It’s down to you the viewer to decide if you have any preference over one or the other, but if you weren’t keen on Olympus Has Fallen then there’s little point in seeing White House Down. If however you actually want a film to wear its Die Hard inspiration on its sleeve, then watch White House Down just because Tatum runs around in a white vest (steady, ladies). John McClane would be proud.

Favourite scene: Driving around on the White House lawn in a bullet proof car.

Quote:

“Cake?”

“No, I don’t want cake! I’m diabetic!”

Silly Moment: Driving around on the White House lawn in a bullet proof car.

Score: 3/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndpNqYoN2DM

Tower Block (2012)

Simon Prior

2013-09-17

"Weren't you in Being Human?" "Weren't you in 2 Packets of Lager? I win." — “Weren’t you in Being Human?”
“Weren’t you in 2 Packets of Lager? I win.”

Twitter Plot Summary: After their tower block is scheduled for demolition, the remaining residents are targeted by a sniper. Naturally.

Genre: Thriller

Director: James Nunn and Ronnie Thompson

Key Cast: Sheridan Smith, Jamie Thomas King, Jack O’Connell, Ralph Brown, Russell Tovey, Julie Graham, Christopher Fulford, Nabil Elouahabi, Steven Cree, Montserrat Lombard.

Five Point Summary:

1. Small woman VS big men in a fist fight? Not going to end well.
2. How old is her phone?!
3. Now that, my friends, is how to pull the rug out from under your audience.
4. Wilhelm scream? Really?
5. Hmm, so-so ending, but there wasn’t really anywhere else for it to go.

Tower blocks are, in this day and age, often considered an eyesore, yet designed to squeeze in a large number of people into a small space. It’s little wonder that the Judge Dredd comic series (as featured in 2000AD) features massive blocks to hold its residents, and they’re jolly unpleasant places to live. In this case it’s unpleasant because it’s a hotbed for crime and violence, carrying a similar vibe to Attack The Block released the year before, although this time it’s an altogether more human menace that afflicts the tower block residents in this script from James Moran (Severance, Cockneys VS Zombies).

So we’ve established that tower blocks aren’t a very pleasant place to be. One such tower block is scheduled for demolition, yet the last few residents – all situated on the top floor, conveniently – refuse to move out. A kid is beaten to death within the block, yet none of the residents step forward to either prevent it from happening or help the police with their enquiries. A few months pass and we meet those still living there, a cross section of society crammed into a small corridor. The happily married couple, the single young man, a chav/hoodie thug and his lackeys, the single young woman, the young couple, and the young parent who is offensive to everyone she meets and doesn’t look after her kids. They pay protection money to the resident hoodie but that all goes to pot when a sniper targets their flats and starts picking them off. As they try and work out how to escape, they find pictures and graffiti of three faces littered around the building. A mystery, perhaps? A number of coincidences (or are they?!) prevent the group from just walking out the back or, you know, any of the other numerous escape routes available to them. It also feels a little convenient that all of their flats are on the same side of the building, making them perfect targets for Mr Sniper. Aside from this little issue, the claret soon starts flowing (not wine, although one character does have some rosé on standby) and it becomes a moot point. Thankfully we have a devoted video game player amongst the group who ascertains that the sniper is likely using top grade military hardware. So effectively, they’re all doomed.

"I can't liiiiiiive, if living is without youuuu...." "Yeah alright Ralph, put a sock in it." — “I can’t liiiiiiive, if living is without youuuu….”
“Yeah alright Ralph, put a sock in it.”

Lit in dingy greys and browns, the tower block is a character in itself. It helps that the film is shot in a similarly dingy manner, a sepia tinge no doubt intended to create a gritty feel. To be fair it’s gritty enough as it is, but the filters enhance it considerably. The soundtrack too, whilst not enhancing the grittiness, for me evoked the same feelings as a John Carpenter or Ennio Morricone soundtrack mixed with, as odd as it sounds, the surreal sketch show Jam by Chris Morris. Performances from everybody involved are solid, from the more well known names of Sheridan Smith, Russell Tovey and Ralph Brown to the likes of Jack O’Connell, who is excellent as chavtastic guy you love to hate Kurtis. The cast are primarily known for their TV work (ignoring Ralph Brown, who for me will always be Del Preston in Waynes World 2), which helps ground it in reality somewhat – throwing in big name actors would be detrimental to the film and the story, the two just wouldn’t mix. It’s perfectly fine as it stands.

For what it is, I enjoyed it. The characters are well defined and despite the necessity to have people bumped off at regular intervals, the story works in spite of its limited setting. You also have to suspend your disbelief for a little towards the end as well, as it all ties up a little too conveniently. Other than that, it’s still an impressive piece of work. As far as the UK film industry goes there’s life in the old dog yet. In fact, rumours of its demise have been greatly exaggerated. There’s plenty of solid home grown films out there, you just have to know where to look. When it comes to “low budget” fare such as this, we’re more than capable of holding our own against big budget blockbusters, and that’s something to be proud about.

Favourite scene: The first sniper shot. Fantastic.

Silly Moment: Deciding to climb down from the roof. Then the Wilhelm scream happens. Unnecessary.

Score: 3/5

Arachnoquake (2012)

Simon Prior

2013-09-16

Yeah, that's the level of quality we're looking at. — Yeah, that’s the level of quality we’re looking at.

Twitter Plot Summary: An earthquake releases a swarm of spiders, large and small, onto the streets of New Orleans.

Genre: Sci-Fi

Director: Griff Furst

Key Cast: Tracey Gold, Edward Furlong, Bug Hall, Ethan Phillips, Tiara Ashleigh, Megan Adelle, Grant Johnson,

Five Point Summary:

1. Bad CGI spiders within 2 minutes of the start. This bodes well.
2. Moonwalking towards a hole in the ground? Clever.
3. Making the cheerleaders push the crashed bus. I like it.
4. Clearly ripping off Deep Blue Sea there…
5. See now, this is why fracking is bad – it causes earthquakes and releases mutant spiders!

A whimsical tone is established immediately with lighthearted music and some jovial banter between some blue collar workers. Then we get our first glimpse of one of the spiders that will take centre stage in this tale of a small town. From this point forward you know it’s going to be bad, bad, bad from start to finish.

I will consider the film seriously though, because otherwise this will end up being the movie review equivalent of a character assassination. There are two narrative strands for our central characters. The first is between 30 year old Paul (Hall) and his father (Ethan Phillips). Paul is what one would call a playboy, parting and sleeping with women much to his father’s chagrin. On this half of the story it’s about this childish man learning to take responsibility for his life. On the other side is Edward Furlong and Tracey Gold. He’s the absent father who is supposed to be joining his family on a bus tour of New Orleans when he has to, at the last minute, drive a bus of cheerleaders somewhere instead, all because his colleague is riddled with sores and spider bites. So there’s a clear story there for him to pay more attention to his family and… actually, he only decides he can’t go on the tour because of a genuine emergency, so other than making a point that he’s not always there for his wife and kids I don’t think he did anything wrong.

"Hi, I'm Ed Furlong. I was famous once." — “Hi, I’m Ed Furlong. I was famous once.”

The CGI, being as atrocious as it is, means the spiders always look like they’ve been added afterwards. I mean, obviously they have, but they stand out even more so you can’t help but laugh at them. I know TV movie budgets are low, but if you can’t make the spiders look good then you either resort to practical effects or don’t bother. It’s a shame too because the acting isn’t too bad at all. Ethan Phillips (Neelix in Star Trek Voyager) is a welcome addition to the cast, even if he only has a brief role. Edward Furlong on the other hand is a clear indication of how the mighty have fallen. Based on his personal life it’s mostly his own fault, but seeing as his last major role was American History X in 1998, or Detroit Rock City in 1999 if you’re feeling generous, he really has gone a long way down the list in the intervening years. He’s also not very good, but that might be more to do with the role rather than anything else. I’d have to see him in something else before I can make an honest assessment.

It’s also not particularly scary, unless you have a seriously bad phobia of spiders. If so, you’ll either be petrified of the CGI monstrosities or be laughing along with the rest of us. The story is basic creature horror 101, there’s nothing original about the setup, the ensuing events or the characters, and it all plays out exactly as you would expect. Including character deaths, as it happens. Logic seems to take a back seat to ensuring a good number of people are bumped off by the spiders, who for no apparent reason also develop the ability to breathe fire. Of course, being a stock copy of every other film where nature is out to kill you, and having previously established the stories with Bug Hall and Edward Furlong’s characters, we also know exactly how it’s going to end. Surprises here and there would have helped, but where these films are concerned surprises are the last thing you want. For established film fans there’s a number of homages and references to other, better science fiction movies of days gone by (a bit of Aliens, a bit of Deep Blue Sea) so you can probably make a game out of that, but otherwise it’s standard fare. It’s on par with the usual movies released by the SyFy Channel TV, and you know what? Sometimes that’s enough.

Favourite scene: The Deep Blue Sea moment.

Quote: “Jumbo spiders, some as big as dwarves!”

Silly Moment: Other than the giant spiders? Where they head into the spider’s lair underground and recreate the finale from Aliens, but with more people.

Score: 1.5/5

Gangsters, Guns and Zombies (2012)

Simon Prior

2013-09-15

Twitter Plot Summary: When the undead rise during a bank heist, a group of gangsters head for their safe house at the coast.

Genre: Comedy/Horror

Director: Matt Mitchell

Key Cast: Vincent Jerome, Huggy Leaver, Fabrizio Santino, Charley Rawes, Simon Mathews, Cassandra Orhan, Jennie Lathan.

Five Point Summary:

1. The effects look like they were made on a shoestring. Shame.
2. ZOMG. The acting is terrible. Diabolical. Yet also funny.
3. So are these shambling zombies or runners? Or both? Runners. Definitely runners.
4. Bad ADR! Must have been a really windy day.
5. Wilhelm Scream. For no reason at all. Go figure.

It seems that zombies have a new sub-genre to gorge upon, and that would be the one where cockneys and/or gangsters (which are one and the same to most people) are involved in some heist or similar when the undead start killing peeps. That’s no problem, any proliferation of the tried and tested formula is always a good thing. Different perspectives means different stories and it means we can enjoy zombie carnage for many more years to come in a variety of different guises.

Gangsters, Guns & Zombies, whilst being a totally unsubtle title, is true to that gangster template. A group of smalltime crooks take advantage of the situation in order to rob a bank. Because clearly paper money will have value if the world ends, won’t it? As our crew of gangsters make their way to their safe house (and they spend a stupid amount of time in that van, it has to be said – nearly the entire first 30 minutes are them travelling in that van), their journey is broken up by a number of sole survivors who are dispatched by a variety of the undead. We’ve got doctors, clowns, even a nude zombie just to tick all the boxes. When they discover their first safe house is overrun, first by cops then by zombies, they head for a second safe house near the coast.

Effects are horribly cheap – zombies are covered in day-glow red blood and look like they were put together on a student budget. Which they probably were. Some of the zombies have content lenses to make their eyes look on the dead side (this is a good thing) whereas others do not and look like they’ve just had an accident rather than having recently returned from the dead (this is a bad thing). From a directorial perspective, first timer Matt Mitchell has some good techniques up his sleeve but he’s let down by some sloppy editing. I can see that, with a bigger budget, Mitchell will be more than capable of holding his own.

Guess what happens next... — Guess what happens next…

Despite the obvious flaws there are some good moments, particularly with some of the visual gags (“We should all run.”) and the gratuitous swearing from start to finish, but these moments are too few and far between to aid the cause. There’s a nice little joke with an acronym on the TV, which is then followed by a serious discussion where quotes from Ghostbusters are the focus. It’s this kind of tonal disparity that works against the film. The humour picks up when we meet Cassie and her racist grandma, and it’s here as well that the story picks up and becomes more than just six guys in a van. This is one instance where the film finds its identity in the second half and comes into its own. Good thing too, another five minutes in the van and I’d have lost my patience.

I’ve sat through some really bad zombie films in my time, and there will be many more to come I’m sure, but this is one that is merely adequate and middle of the road. It’s neither excellent but neither is it absolutely terrible. When over a third of the running time is six guys driving in a van then you know you’re potentially in for a rough ride. I can understand what the thinking behind this was, the budget is meagre so you have to limit the action and the effects where you can, but even with this in mind it’s still lacking the certain something that would make it an incredibly fun movie. Lingering shots of people being eaten by zombies need tightening up in the edit, and with all due respect to the script it needs to be 5-10 pages shorter and dare I say it, occasionally funnier. When faced with a non-existent budget you either go for the jokes or go for the gore. This film sits on the barrier between the two, flipping off both sides and being quite content to do its own thing. Whilst it doesn’t work on all levels, I’m intrigued to see what both the cast and Mitchell do next.

Favourite scene: Grandma goes ape on the undead.

Quote: “Remember the rules: Sever the head, Have an escape route, Isolate the infected, Travel by day.”

Silly Moment: The Medieval re-enactment zombies. Daft but amusing.

Score: 2.5/5

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