Kronk’s New Groove (2005)

2013-10-20

Wait a second, I've seen this somewhere before... — Wait a second, I’ve seen this somewhere before…

Twitter Plot Summary: Kronk has to contend with the return of Yzma, a potential love interest and, more importantly, the imminent arrival of his father.

Genre: Animation/Comedy/Musical/Family/Romance

Director: Saul Blinkoff and Elliot M Bour

Key Cast: Patrick Warburton, Tracey Ullman, Eartha Kitt, David Spade, John Goodman, Wendie Malick, John Mahoney, Tress MacNeille

Five Point Summary:

1. Breaking the fourth wall. Hah!
2. Everybody’s back in the voice acting studio. Nice.
3. Ahh, a Lord of the Rings reference. Rather good.
4. Ahh, l’amour. Poor Kronk.
5. And everybody learns their lesson. Happy outcome for all.

We’re back in the Inca Empire, but this time it’s all about Kronk, the loveable lug from The Emperor’s New Groove. After the events of that film he’s now working as a chef in the diner rather than being an evil henchman. Then he discovers his father is about to visit, but before that can happen he ends up back in the employ of Yzma, who has somehow been able to return (mostly) to her human form and has a plot to sell youth potion to the elderly folks living on a hill. You know, standard. Then he also has to deal with l’amour in the form of scout leader Ms Birdwell. There’s a lot of different elements haphazardly thrown together, which leaves the story feeling disjointed until the final few minutes. After Kronk’s father turns up it’s surprisingly good, but as he’s only involved for the last ten minutes it’s too little too late.

It may be the fact I watched it in HD, but for once the animation wasn’t noticeably lower quality compared to the original – almost all direct to DVD Disney sequels are on par with their TV series at best. Unfortunately the story doesn’t match the quality of the animation. The jokes are still just as zingy as the first film, but there’s musical numbers and a somewhat uninspiring story to contend with. Kronk’s appeal can only carry it so far, however in Monty Python terms the plot is wafer thin and 20 minutes of story stretched over 75 minutes. Again, typical of the majority of Disney’s straight to DVD efforts. In fact it feels like a few episodes of a TV series cobbled together to create a film narrative, which probably isn’t too far from the truth. Seeing as the film is only just over an hour long with about 7 minutes of credits, it’s not rocket science to split the story into three lots of 22 minutes, the standard length of an episode for an animated TV series.

It's a Disney film, go figure. — It’s a Disney film, go figure.

Luckily the voice acting is just as good as the first film – the cast all return and they’re joined by Tracey Ullman and John Mahoney. It’s one strong aspect in a plethora of mediocrity. If we learn nothing else from Disney’s direct to DVD range, it’s that they’re invariably poor, in particular when you compare them to the original movie in the series. There are a few exceptions to this rule (see the Aladdin and Lion King sequels), but unfortunately Kronk’s New Groove doesn’t meet the same level of quality as the film that spawned it. Whilst the voice acting is strong and the animation surprisingly good, the story is weak and other than a few dazzles of potential it falls flat on almost every level. Kronk is a fun character but he isn’t able to carry an entire film, he’s best left as occasional comic relief. Ultimately after all is said and done, the kids who watch the film will learn a valuable lesson about friendship and hopefully become upstanding members of society. Or something.

Favourite scene: The surprising outcome that meets Yzma. Didn’t see that coming.

Quote: “Souvenir photo?” “Oh rats, my eyes were closed.”

Silly Moment: Kronk exploding out of the diner, covered in melted cheese.

Score: 2.5/5

The Emperor’s New Groove (2000)

Simon Prior

2013-10-20

"If you slip, we both slip. So er... don't slip." — “If you slip, we both slip. So er… don’t slip.”

Twitter Plot Summary: 18 year old Emperor Kuzco has to learn humility and all that jazz after he’s turned into a llama and deposed by the evil Yzma.

Genre: Animation/Adventure/Comedy/Family/Fantasy

Director: Mark Dindal

Key Cast: David Spade, John Goodman, Eartha Kitt, Patrick Warburton, Wendy Malick, Bob Bergen

Five Point Summary:

1. Tom Jones as Theme Song Guy! Boom!
2. Well she’s clearly a villain…
3. Hah, a reference to The Fly.
4. That deadpan waitress is awesome. Mazel tov.
5. And lo, balance is restored.

What other film in recent memory starts with an omniscient emperor who starts off narrating and appearing as a llama? The only one that springs to mind is this, The Emperor’s New Groove and the 40th Disney Animated Classic. Emperor Kuzco (David Spade) is the young emperor of the Inca Empire and has selfish plans to destroy a small mountain village so he can build himself a summer home. Shortly thereafter he’s accidentally turned into a llama by his advisor Yzma (Eartha Kitt) and her lovably dim assistant Kronk (Patrick Warburton). The original plan was to kill Kuzco, but a mix-up in potions leads to him getting the llama one instead.

It’s another of Disney’s classic tales of the main character going on a journey of discovery. Emperor Kuzco starts off as a self-obsessed, self-important Emperor and, via the machinations of the evil Yzma he learns how to be a better person, etc etc. Standard Disney fare then. Unlike most of Disney’s output this is a lot wackier and whimsical than expected, and it also has a distinct lack of musical numbers, which is odd but doesn’t spoil it in any way. Thankfully it’s packed with jokes, which are consistently funny and more than make up for the lack of song and dance routines.

"Hmm, which one do I choose..." — “Hmm, which one do I choose…”

This is typical of Disney’s late 90s/early 00s output, in that it’s traditional 2D animation in a time before 3D animation became industry standard. It’s stylistically along the same lines as Hercules and the Hunchback of Notre Dame. In other words the pinnacle of 2D animation, at least as far as Western animation is concerned. It’s gloriously animated and the voice cast is spectacular – John Goodman does his modern day Phil Harris routine as Pacha, whilst Patrick Warburton is delightfully dim as Kronk. Then there’s Eartha Kitt’s Yzma, forged from the same evil ironworks as Cruella De Vil and the Evil Queen from Snow White, or that woman from The Rescuers. The pairing of David Spade and John Goodman is entertaining, but it’s Kronk who for me who wins the “Best Character” and “Most Entertaining” awards. He’s delightfully dumb and played to perfection by Patrick Warburton. It’s no surprise that he was the focus of the straight to video/DVD sequel in 2005.

It seems that the film had a lot of trouble in reaching the big screen, to the point where this film is a much scaled down version of what they had originally planned. If anything it’s impressive that they were able to make a coherent story despite all the problems the production faced, and the fact it’s still entertaining is another bonus. If anything it’s a touch too short and the relationship between Pacha and Kuzco isn’t as developed as previous Disney buddy pairings. If you really wanted to be harsh you could pick out a number of influences from a myriad of earlier Disney films, but that would be needlessly picky. Let’s just be thankful that the film works despite the production issues.

Favourite scene: The diner – lots of gags and a deadpan waitress.

Quote: “This isn’t poison! This is extract of…….. LLAMA!”

Silly Moment: Attacked by leopards, bats and scorpions within 2 minutes. Still funny though.

Score: 4/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_YjSbp5KHM

Haywire (2012)

Simon Prior

2013-10-19

Little did she realise, but this man was also Magneto.

Twitter Plot Summary: Gina Carano seeks revenge after she’s betrayed on a black ops job.

Genre: Action/Thriller

Director: Steven Soderbergh

Key Cast: Gina Carano, Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender, Michael Douglas, Antonio Banderas, Channing Tatum, Michael Angarano, Bill Paxton

Five Point Summary:

1. Five minutes, a billion famous faces.
2. Ewan McGregor and his terrible American accent.
3. Carano and Fassbender duke it out in their hotel room. Rather good.
4. And now “The Revenge” can commence!
5. And now the inevitable twist… aaaand there it is.

Action movies have needed strong female leads for, you know, forever. Okay sure, more recently we’ve had the likes of Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez and Angelina Jolie to fall back on, but they have never strictly speaking been actors who you would assume could hold their own against the men. Oh sure, they might be able to last a little while in a fistfight with a Stallone, a Willis, a Schwarzenegger, or even a Lundgren or a Van Damme (if we drop down a notch in the action hero stakes), but ultimately it will always be one of the guys who wins the fight. Step up Gina Carano, former MMA star and fitness model turned actor to give them older gentlemen a run for their money.

The plot is one we’ve seen before – an effective agent is betrayed on a mission and seeks revenge against those who have plotted against them. The difference here is that the agent in question is Gina Carano as Mallory Kane, a woman liable to snap your neck if you look at her funny, no small talk. Starting with Mallory taking five minutes in a diner, the peace is soon disrupted by the arrival of Channing Tatum, after which we then flash back to earlier events and see what brought them to that point.

"This is for those Star Wars prequels!" — “This is for those Star Wars prequels!”

A number of big names crop up for roles that vary from extended cameos to more meaty substance. It adds a certain legitimacy to the whole affair, but does however feel that the big names are there to counterbalance the fact Carano wasn’t a huge name outside of MMA circles, and maybe also to counterbalance her generally mediocre acting ability. Yes, in the longstanding tradition of action heroes of time immemorial, Carano is adept at pummelling men repeatedly in the face or spending an inordinate amount of time running from A to B, but lacks anything approaching a personality when it comes to delivering lines of dialogue or emoting. Still, that’s one trope we’re acclimatised to, so that can be ignored and we can just focus on the action.

The fights are nicely gritty, the lack of score and natural sound effects accentuating the violence. In fact if there’s anything to complain about it’s the jazz-light score throughout the rest of the film – in places it works but for the most part it gives the film a needlessly languorous pace. It’s a touch too ponderous for an action thriller, as if it’s trying to be an Ocean’s Eleven style caper rather than a revenge action flick.

Soderbergh is as stylish as ever, bathing scenes in heavy yellow tones, blood reds or cool blues to denote time, location and provide subtle hints regarding character motives. The man is a chameleon when it comes to trying his hand at different genres, although I don’t think thrillers of this ilk are really his forte. Still, it all comes together nicely by the end and, whilst not anything that reinvents the wheel (because that would be silly), it is a competent action film if not without its flaws.

Favourite scene: Carano VS Fassbender in their hotel room.

Quote: “This your idea of relaxing? Wine and gun maintenance?”

Silly Moment: Sprinting down the beach like Sir Lancelot in Month Python and the Holy Grail.

Score: 3.5/5

Side By Side (2012)

Simon Prior

2013-10-18

Film. The subject of this documentary. This image is about as subtle as a brick to the face.

Twitter Plot Summary: Neo from The Matrix talks to a bunch of directors to debate the pros and cons of film and digital.

Genre: Documentary

Director: Christopher Kenneally

Key Cast: Keanu Reeves, Martin Scorsese, George Lucas, James Cameron, Robert Rodriguez, Lars Von Trier, David Fincher, David Lynch, Steven Soderbergh

Five Point Summary:

1. Film VS Digital. There’s only one way to find the winner…
2. Star Wars Episode 2 was the first film to be shot in HD. Glory be.
3. I can see the benefits of both formats, there’s no hard and fast rule.
4. Finally, people in the know have admitted that 3D is a fad.
5. Digital archiving is a problem that needs to be solved.

Is celluloid film on its deathbed? That’s the question raised by this documentary presented by Keanu Reeves. Yeah, that’s what I thought too. Keanu seems a decent chap, but he seems an odd choice to present a documentary about the pros and cons between making movies on film or via digital methods. With the input from a large number of prominent directors and cinematographers, opinions in favour of one or both formats are presented. The likes of James Cameron, Robert Rodriguez, Martin Scorsese and Steven Soderbergh, amongst others, are the key interviewees, and opinions vary wildly between even this select group of filmmakers.

Film has a couple of things going for it, a richer colour and feeling of depth, but requires time to set up the shot, to set up the film stock, the colours and so on. Much of this is dictated by the cinematographer, the person responsible on a film for making it look the way it does – lighting, framing, colour palettes and so on. I’ve said before and I’ll say it many times again, but never underestimate the benefits of having a top notch cinematographer on a film, you can tell the difference between the ones that do and the ones that don’t. Film has a certain look, a certain visual texture that has until recently differentiated it from the likes of television and other visual media. More recently technological advances and the switch to digital has blurred the lines between the two.

Digital meanwhile gives you the potential for quick turnarounds and allows you to work much faster and on a tighter budget. There’s also a lot of scope for tinkering with footage in post-production to achieve a “film” look, to tinker with colour palettes and so on. Essentially, everything a cinematographer does can be amended in post-production. There’s also the added bonus, for some filmmakers, that they can get instant playback of the footage they have just shot and make amendments on the fly, rather than wait to receive dailies (all the footage shot on that day in a rough cut format) and then make amendments at a later date.

The documentary also discusses the problems with archiving – film stock is itself a degradable format, although that’s often more to do with how it’s stored than anything else. As far as digital is concerned, hard drive storage for digital is also problematic because there is nothing in place to securely archive digitally stored films and data.

So what’s the verdict? Unsurprisingly there’s no definitive answer given, both formats have their positive and negative points, and the documentary raises a lot of questions that are quite pertinent for the film industry to consider. Perhaps the most important aspect to note is that film cameras have ceased production, so whilst it’s unlikely to occur for some time, movies made using actual film stock are likely to become a thing of the past. Ultimately, all storage for films and so on has a finite lifespan whichever format you use, so I would think that a focus on creating a secure storage medium would be the best thing for the industry to concern themselves with. Suffice to say, the documentary is entertaining and makes quite a few valid points, but the fact it sits resolutely on the fence between the two methods doesn’t help. Still, as a history of the film making process and a discussion on the possibilities for the future, it’s engrossing stuff.

Quote: “There are no archival formats worth anything in the digital realm that you would put any stock in.”

Score: 3.5/5

Captain Phillips (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-10-17

Things took a turn for the worst when they found out this man had made "Big". — Things took a turn for the worst when they found out this man had made “Big”.

Twitter Plot Summary: Somali pirates board a US freighter

Genre: Action/Adventure/Biography/Crime/Drama/Thriller

Director: Paul Greengrass

Key Cast: Tom Hanks, Barkhad Abdi, Barkhad Abdirahman, Faysal Ahmed, Mahat M Ali, Michael Chernus, Catherine Keener, David Warshofsky, Corey Johnson, Chris Mulkey, Yul Vazquez, Max Martini, Omar Berdouni

Five Point Summary:

1. Tom Hanks: Beard man.
2. Turning on your hoses to deter pirates. Novel idea, seems to work…
3. There’s only four of them?
4. And now we play the waiting game…
5. Zero Dark Thirty: The Prequel, it seems.

In April 2009 freight ship the Maersk Alabama was boarded by Somali pirates in an attempted hijacking. After their plans to steer the ship back to Somalia failed, they kidnapped the captain and made way for Somalia. The US Navy then stepped in to try and resolve the situation and recover Captain Phillips before the lifeboat reached the coast. And to say any more than that will likely spoil it for anybody who isn’t aware of what happened, so I’ll try not to go any further with regards to the plot.

Tom Hanks brings his A-game to his portrayal of the titular Captain Phillips, but he’s given a good run for his money from newcomer Barkhad Abdi as lead hijacker Muse. His gaunt appearance bears a stark contrast with the larger frames of the American crew. That’s not me saying the Americans are overweight, let’s be clear on that. I’m just of the opinion that the size difference between the two groups is worthy of mention as it indicates the disparate lifestyles of the rich Western world and the struggle to survive in Somalia. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and that’s a common theme that unites both countries. It’s also an interesting about-face in that the Americans, usually portrayed as being gung-ho and pro-gun, are the ones that don’t have any means of defending themselves. Well, until the Navy turn up, of course.

The first half of the film is relatively tense, but this only builds up when Phillips is able to get the hijackers off his freight ship and into a lifeboat. Despite the fact that much of the story takes place inside this tiny encased lifeboat, and despite the lifeboat being surrounded by much larger US Navy vessels, it still remains incredibly tense stuff throughout. There is infighting amongst the Somali pirates, although unfortunately they’re not given sufficient depth to be anything more than ciphers. Muse gets the most characterisation but this comes out of his interactions with Tom Hanks. The remaining three can be described as The Young One, The Angry One, and The Technically-Minded One. There’s little more to them than that and the fact they’re pirates. In fairness, the crew of the Maersk Alabama don’t get much in the way of characterisation either – Tom Hanks is a bit of a prude when it comes to looking after the ship and the crew and he has a family which gives him a reason to live, of course. The rest of them? First Mate, Chief Engineer, etc. That’s the extent to their lives, and other than the brief possibility of a mutiny against Phillips, where being a “union man” is mentioned, there’s little to distinguish them.

"Yes, I'm fine, but it really does stink in here." — “Yes, I’m fine, but it really does stink in here.”

There’s apparently a theme about the effects of globalisation, but in reality that’s not given much room to breathe. There are quieter moments where this is discussed, as is the necessity for Somali fisherman to become hijackers, but the focus as far as I was concerned is solely on the action and the tension of a stand-off between, essentially, David and Goliath, albeit with David holding a hostage and Goliath not being the bad guy. By the final third the tension levels have been scaled up to 11 and you’re not entirely sure how things are going to pan out, even if you know the details of the actual events. It’s a testament to Paul Greengrass and his cast that this level of uncertainty is still present, and I at least remained engrossed in the story from start to finish. It’s also of interest that the same Navy Seal team that were involved in this situation would later go on to assault Osama Bin Laden’s compound, so comparisons between this film and Zero Dark Thirty earlier this year are going to be apparent. That’s no bad thing though, they share a lot of the same DNA and I really enjoyed Zero Dark Thirty. The only major pitfall for Captain Phillips is that it prioritises dramatic tension over character. If you can forgive that one flaw then Captain Phillips is worth your time.

Favourite scene: Trying to ward off the attack with hoses and flare guns.

Quote: “They’re not here to fish.”

Silly Moment: Spending half the film in a tiny boat being chased by the US Navy.

Score: 4/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sp6jpeDeQmE

A Town Called Panic (2009)

Simon Prior

2013-10-16

Nice piano. Convenient for even a horse to play.

Twitter Plot Summary: When Cowboy and Indian realise they’ve forgotten Horse’s birthday, they plan to surprise him. It goes wrong.

Genre: Animation/Adventure/Comedy/Family/Fantasy

Director: Stephane Aubier and Vincent Patar.

Key Cast: Stephane Aubier, Jeanne Balibar, Nicolas Buysse, Bruce Ellison, Vincent Patar, Benoit Poelvoorde

Five Point Summary:

1. A talking horse in a shower? Now I’ve seen everything.
2. A website solely for selling bricks? Madness.
3. Leaving the bricks there isn’t going to end well.
4. A pearl… altar?
5. How do you get people to leave your house? Throw pigs and cows at them, naturally.

If you live in the UK and have watched an advert break within the last few years (apparently between 2007 and 2010) then you will have probably seen the Cravendale adverts featuring toys of a pirate, a cow and a cyclist and their crazy adventures to acquire some tasty Cravendale, shouting ‘MILK! MIIIILLLKKK!!!’ at everybody. If you do recall these adverts and you liked them then you’ll more than likely enjoy A Town Called Panic, a 2009 movie spinoff from the TV series that aired for a single season in 2000.

Cowboy, Indian and Horse all live together in the town known as Panic. It’s Horse’s birthday and Cowboy and Indian have forgotten. But never fear because Internet shopping is your friend! Jumping online while Horse is out, they end up ordering 17 million bricks by mistake. The bricks turn up in a ridiculous number of trucks and they have to hid them all before Horse gets home. Where’s the logical place to hide 17 million bricks from view, you might ask? Well, literally on top of your house is probably not the best of ideas. When the bricks inevitably come crashing down and take out most of the town, their attempts at rebuilding their house are paused by strange creatures stealing their walls. And thus, the adventure begins.

Of the three, Horse appears to be the adult whilst Cowboy and Indian are childish and likely to make impromptu and potentially catastrophic decisions. Horse has a love interest in Madame Longree – another Horse, for the record – and his attempts to woo her are often cut short by Cowboy and Indian’s exploits. Madame Longree is desperate (well, kind of) for Horse to attend one of her music classes, but due to a variety of genuinely valid reasons (becoming stuck at the centre of the Earth being one of them, for example), he’s constantly having to make excuses.

This is what happens when you accidentally order 17 million bricks online.

Unsurprisingly the notion of panic is a constant thread throughout the film. Everybody reacts with fear to almost every situation and there’s much shouting to be heard. In any other animated feature this kind of ridiculously OTT voice acting would be irritating, but in this case it fits perfectly with the insane story and setting. It’s all in French, by the way, so that might deter some potential viewers.

It’s completely insane and all the better for it. You can quickly ignore the fact that it’s a stop motion animation and that the characters are actually poorly articulated toys just because it’s so silly. It has that surreal, dreamlike insanity approach to narrative and fully explores the notion that, in animation (and to an extent, when children play with toys), there is no limit to your imagination. Case in point, other than the aforementioned journey to the centre of the Earth, our trio also visit the sea bed and the North Pole. Why? Because they can. It doesn’t really help them with their brick clear-up project, mind, but that’s a minor point. When your key goal in a project is to throw everything at the wall and see what sticks, A Town Called Panic works just fine.

Favourite scene: The 17 million bricks are hidden. On top of the house.

Quote: “Delicious toast! Excellent coffee!”

Silly Moment: All of it – it’s just crazy.

Score: 3.5/5

El Topo (1970)

Simon Prior

2013-10-15

Whatever the end result, it had still been one hell of a party.

Twitter Plot Summary: In what is an often surreal religious allegory, El Topogoes on a desert quest to defeat the four warrior masters.

Genre: Western

Director: Alejandro Jodorowsky

Key Cast: Alejandro Jodorowsky, Alfonso Arau, Mara Lorenzio, David Silva, Brontis Jodorowsky, Robert John

Five Point Summary:

1. That’s a lot of claret right there. Also, why is that 7 year old boy naked?
2. Naked monks being ridden bareback through a field by cowboys…
3. Lamping a woman in the face and stripping her naked in a bid to find water. Sounds legit.
4. Shot in both hands and both feet after returning from a voyage of discovery in the desert. Not even disguising the religious allegory. Shameful.
5. And then it gets really weird. Erm…

First things first – the opening five minutes are incredibly weird and disturbing. A man dressed all in black tells the seven year old boy accompanying him, his son (both in the film and in real life) that he is now a man and must bury a picture of his mother in the desert to symbolise his transition to adulthood. Then, post intro credits, the man and the boy encounter a settlement awash with blood and dead bodies. Oh yeah, the seven year old boy is completely nude except for a hat, by the way. Then another tonal shift as meet a group of oddities in the mountains, who are set to kill El Topo (literal translation, The Mole), the man in black with the lovely beard – one has a shoe fetish; one draws an outline of a woman on the floor and starts grinding against it; another peels the tip of a plant and slices it maniacally. All set to some light hearted music similar to The Gonk from Dawn of the Dead (1978). Suffice to day, after an intro like this, you know you’re definitely not in Clint Eastwood territory.

At least it looks fantastic despite its age. Yes, there’s a clear 70s fashion sense on show, but it’s remarkable for the era. There’s also a gratuitous use of bright red blood, giving it that spaghetti western feel. The narrative is split in two, and there’s a clear divide between them. The first half is firmly in spaghetti western territory, whereas the second is within the same world but focuses on the love story between a really tall man (El Topo) and a dwarf girl. No joke. It’s just as odd as the first half of the movie, but in a different sense. Most peculiar.

The Pet Shop Boys reunion did not go down well.

There’s a distinct Christ figure overtone to El Topo, the character not the film. His journey is not too different to that purportedly followed by JC himself – a man resurrected and cleansed of sin attempts to help the needy, the sick, the malformed. It’s perhaps a little too obvious to look at it as a religious allegory, although that’s perhaps the most obvious thematic aspect at play – at one point El Topo is shot once through each hand and foot. Tied into this is a sins of the father storyline, where El Topo’s son (the naked boy from the beginning) comes back after El Topo’s “rebirth” in a cave of deformed outcasts. Throw in a hefty dose of Eastern philosophy as a counterpoint to the Christian allegory and the surrealism and lo – you have El Topo.

It’s not an easy film for most audiences to get to grips with, but I for one loved it. Perhaps because it’s so utterly bonkers, a stream of consciousness, waking dream type of film where real world logic is thrown out the window in favour of quick cuts and a script that has a very loose plot of a man seeking redemption for the wrongs he has committed. Honestly, if you can make it through the first fifteen minutes then there’s no reason to stop – it doesn’t get any easier to follow and the style doesn’t change. If you can’t stick with it then I can’t say I blame you, but if you’re attuned to the weirdness then it’s a stupendously good film.

Favourite scene: Why, the cowboys stripping a group of monks out of their habits and riding hem naked through a field, of course.

Quote: “I’ll call you Mara, for you are like bitter water.”

Silly Moment: The naked boy at the beginning. The point? Anybody?

(I do actually know what the point is, but I’m throwing it out there to see if anybody else gets it.)

Score: 4.5/5

Elysium (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-10-14

It was at that point that Matt Damon realised his drink had been spiked.

Twitter Plot Summary: The rich live in luxury on Elysium, in Earth orbit. Everybody else lives on Earth. Matt Damon is poisoned and must reach Elysium to survive.

Genre: Action/Drama/Sci-Fi/Thriller

Director: Neil Blomkamp

Key Cast: Matt Damon, Jodie Foster, Sharlto Copley, Alice Braga, Diego Luna, Wagner Moura, William Fichtner, Faran Tahir

Five Point Summary:

1. Matt Damon sans hair, and that is a filthy city. Will wonders never cease.
2. Worst health and safety plans ever.
3. That’s a blatant rip-off from Robocop. They can rebuild him, he’ll just look really cheap.
4. Sharlto Copley getting to be bad-ass. Great stuff.
5. Slightly generic finale. Hmm.

Neil Blomkamp burst onto the cinematic landscape with District 9, a taut commentary on racism, co-existence of different races, and the vagaries of human nature, with prawn-like alien creatures in place of black/white tensions. For this similarly themed sci-fi adventure, the rich have vacated Earth and now live on a luxurious space station in Earth orbit, called Elysium. Matt Damon plays Max, a guy who has always dreamed of living on Elysium yet works in a factory down in the sweaty, grimy world of 22^nd century Los Angeles. An accident at work results in him receiving a lethal dose of radiation poisoning and his only hope of surviving is to reach Elysium because they have fancy-pants recovery pods that cures all illness that aren’t of course, available to the residents of Earth. The healthcare available on Elysium could easily be used to treat everybody on Earth but, as is often the case, the rich keep it all to themselves. So, with the film’s politics clearly set out, we dive into Max’s attempts at saving his own life.

Of the cast, Matt Damon is reliable yet does nothing spectacular. The main point of interest as far as his character goes is the fact he’s got no hair and is covered in tattoos, a far cry from his usual role. Saying he’s reliable but not spectacular could make it seem that I wasn’t impressed by his performance – far from it. He demonstrates quite the range of emotions throughout the course of the film, but he’s the reliable centre to the film, allowing his fellow cast members to go a little more OTT in terms of playing their character. His interactions with Alice Braga, playing former love interest Frey, are especially deep, and we learn just enough about their previous relationship without going into too much detail. Plus one for the script.

Sharlto Copley is the guy who gets to have the most fun. As the unhinged bounty hunter Kruger he has no boundaries and does as he pleases. I’m not sure what it is about him that works, perhaps it’s the slightly unusual South African accent he chose to use, or maybe it’s just the fact he has a great big bushy beard. Whatever the reasons, Kruger is perhaps my favourite character from all of the films released so far this year, and potentially one of my all time favourite movie villains.

Somebody was messing with Kruger's shopping trolley full of tat. He did not like this. — Somebody was messing with Kruger’s shopping trolley full of tat. He did not like this.

Jodie Foster is fine as the devious Delacourt, who maintains Elysium’s security but has intentions to go above and beyond this position. Whilst the performance is great, it looks like she was re-dubbed in post production, and for no real apparent reason either. Maybe the initial accent she chose was either unclear or went in a direction that didn’t work in the edit. Ultimately she has a slightly clipped generic English accent. That’s fine, but after a few lines of dialogue you can’t un-see the dubbing. It’s a shame because it took me out of the film slightly, but thankfully I was able to ignore it and get back into it with minimal damage.

There are few holes that need explaining – if Elysium is such a paradise, why have they not got better defences? And I’m sure there are still some nice places left on Earth – I know for narrative purposes it’s easier to focus on the two extremes of the sanitised Elysium and the cesspit that is Los Angeles in 2154, however some evidence that the whole planet hasn’t fallen into a similar state would have added depth to the world portrayed in the film. It’s also a pity that the final third does lapse slightly into some generic story areas as up until that point I’d been completely engaged in the “one man fighting the system” story at play. In hindsight it’s difficult to suggest where else the story could go, so I’ll let that point lie. It’s not a deal breaker and certainly doesn’t ruin the first two thirds like some final acts have been known to do.

The politics may be a little on the nose, but it’s an accomplished follow-up to District 9 and Blomkamp has made it clear that he’s not a one trick pony. It’ll be interesting to see where he goes from here. As long as it involves a hefty dose of Sharlto Copley (rather than radiation poisoning) then it should be a winner.

Favourite scene: *Spoilers* Kruger’s face is blown away by a grenade, and is regenerated when they reach Elysium.

Quote: “It’s just a flesh wound!”

Silly Moment: The Robocop homage where Matt Damon is put into the exo-suit, montage style.

Score: 4/5

Child’s Play (1988)

Simon Prior

2013-10-13

"Mum! It's not what it looks like! Honest!" — “Mum! It’s not what it looks like! Honest!”

Twitter Plot Summary: When Brad Dourif is killed by police, his soul ends up inside a Chucky doll.

Genre: Horror/Mystery/Thriller

Director: Tom Holland

Key Cast: Catherine Hicks, Chris Sarandon, Brad Dourif, Alex Vincent, Dinah Manoff

Five Point Summary:

1. Someone punch that child in the face. Not only for being annoying, but for crimes against fashion.
2. Well if you’re gonna go, that’s a heck of a way to do it.
3. Chucky’s a ginger, it’s no wonder he’s evil.
4. Gimme gimme gimme shock treatment…
5. She’s surprisingly accurate with that gun.

I’d heard a lot about the Child’s Play/Chucky series for many years but it’s only now that I’ve had opportunity to start watching them. I’m a longstanding fan of Brad Dourif as well, so it’s surprising I haven’t seen this until now. Still, that’s why I’m doing this blog, to watch more films that I’ve previously not had opportunity to see, be they good bad or just mediocre. Child’s Play isn’t an excellent film, but it seems to know that it’s a daft idea to start with and subsequently doesn’t get any ideas above its station. As such, it’s a perfectly good and perfectly entertaining entry in the 80s horror playbook.

With that in mind, I love how 80s the concept is – serial killer Charles Lee Ray (Dourif) dies in a toy shop after a shootout with cop Mike Norris (Sarandon), but not before he spouts some mystical mumbo jumbo which transports his spirit into a nearby Good Guys doll. You can see the irony in that name already. Yet despite the 80s concept it works as something more than your standard B-movie horror flick. Whether intentional or not the various deaths are really funny, be it being thrown from the top floor of an apartment block or blown up along with the house you’ve been lured to. In that respect it shares qualities with many other stalwart horror franchises of the era, but it does at least do something new with the format.

"Show me on this doll where he touched you." — “Show me on this doll where he touched you.”

The effects are surprisingly good for the era, Chucky is creepily realistic and realistically creepy despite being a child’s toy. Tom Holland wisely chose to follow the Jaws route to showing the villain of the piece. When he does finally show his face, in possessed form rather than as a basic toy, it’s worth the wait. When Dourif’s voice kicks in things really kick up a notch, and even if you can’t believe that a toy would be possessed by a criminal, you can at least suspend your disbelief and absorb yourself into the world of the film whilst the story plays out. It’s great entertainment despite being inadvertently hilarious – a sign of things to come for the franchise, it seems. For now though, Chucky remains limited to terrorising Karen Barclay (Catherine Hicks, aka Dr Gillian Taylor in Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home) and her son Andy. Whilst she tries to persuade the police, primarily Chris Sarandon as Mike Norris, that her son’s toy is possessed, they naturally don’t believe her until they see it for themselves.

Later entries in the franchise would go on to deliberately up the humour content, but that aspect was always present and forms a core part of this origin tale. The only difference is that more of the focus for this film was focusing on the horror aspect with incidental moments of humour, and it’s a balance that works. The way everybody reacts to the killings is handled realistically, and it builds to an entirely appropriate final third that doesn’t ruin what has preceded it.

Favourite scene: I think the first death/plummet wins it. Nice setup, surprisingly funny resolution.

Quote: “Hi, I’m Chucky, and I’m your friend till the end. Hidey-ho!”

Silly Moment: Apart from the fact it’s a possessed doll? The house blowing up.

Score: 3/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2ienmZuReo

12 Rounds (2009)

Simon Prior

2013-10-12

"Yeah, honey? I had a minor accident when cooking dinner." — “Yeah, honey? I had a minor accident when cooking dinner.”

Twitter Plot Summary: After his girlfriend is kidnapped, John Cena has to complete 12 challenges to save her.

Genre: Action/Crime/Thriller

Director: Renny Harlin

Key Cast: John Cena, Aiden Gillen, Ashley Scott, Steve Harris, Brian White, Gonzalo Menendez, Taylor Cole.

Five Point Summary:

1. Ashley Scott: WWE Studios alumni and clearly not good enough to do real films…
2. So the villain makes him do 12 challenges. Just because.
3. So it’s basically Die Hard 3 minus Samuel L Jackson? Bah.
4. No way is that Samoan guy getting off that lift.
5. A final “spectacular” showdown. Entertaining perhaps, but definitely not spectacular.

Danny Fisher (Cena) looks like he has it all. He’s a detective in the police force, he’s just moved in with his girlfriend Molly Porter (WWE Studios favourite Ashley Scott), and they have a tiny dog. This is all well and good, but 12 months ago Fisher caught nasty chap Miles Jackson (Aiden Gillen) which accidentally led to the death of Jackson’s bit of fluff played by Taylor Cole. Jackson kidnaps Porter and sets Fisher 12 challenges in order to save her.

WWE Studios should really try hiring actual movie stars for their films rather than dropping their own wrestling talent into the mix. Whilst it’s nice to see said wrestling talent do something different like beating people up and partaking in scripted action…. no,,that doesn’t work does it? Let’s just say that you get what you pay for when you watch something made by WWE Films, so you should know exactly what to expect when you go in. Unless you don’t know it’s a WWE Films production beforehand, in which case you have my sympathies.

It’s completely derivative of just about every action film ever made, but it’s fun and as preposterous as anything related to the wrestling world can be. WWE know their audience at least – big explosions, kinetic action and a named wrestler in the title role. If you add to this mix the presence of famed director Renny Harlin (Cliffhanger, Deep Blue Sea) then you have a winning recipe. What can go wrong?

There are more comfortable ways to travel.

Well, quite a bit as it happens. Jackson is a poor villain, putting Fisher through a number of tasks without any real endgame to fall back on. If he was that desperate to take Fisher out of the equation then he should have sent him on a wild goose chase, a la Die Hard With A Vengeance. I’m afraid comparisons between the two films are inevitable, although at least Simon Gruber had a half decent plan in the third Die Hard. Aiden Gillen plays a good villain, but the character really needs to spend a bit more time coming up with a plan rather than stealing ideas from other films. The action set pieces look cheap, but this is counterbalanced by Harlin’s directorial hand and, dare I say it, earnest performances that fall just on the right side of cheese.

Despite my possibly negative comments, it’s also very entertaining. Derivative it may be, but at least the script has a bit of fun along the way. One scene has Cena and a large Samoan trying to solve a puzzle before the lift they’re in plummets to the ground, which is both daft and innovative at the same time. Fisher butting heads with the police could have been, and them working out how all of the rounds/challenges link together feels a little strained, but you can sort of forgive it for a few issues like that because the action is relatively entertaining. It’s not spectacular and you can tell the budget isn’t there to provide Harlin’s usual level of insanity, but it’ll do. It’s easy to be negative about a WWE Films production, but some of them are worth a go even if they’re not exceptional action movies. Suffice to say they usually get the job done, and 12 Rounds is no exception.

Favourite scene: Fisher’s house just blows up. The action’s somewhat less impressive from that point forward.

Quote: “I’m training the world’s most dominant pug. He’s going through a bulking phase.”

Silly Moment: Fisher tries to save an overweight Samoan from plummeting to his death atop a lift. As soon as he says he has a family you know he’s toast.

Score: 3/5

1...747576...90 Page 75 of 90

SIMONPRIOR.COM