100 Million BC (2008)

2013-12-18

An adventure 65 minutes in the making... — An adventure 65 minutes in the making…

Twitter Plot Summary: A scientist sends a team back 70 million years to rescue the team he originally sent during his experiments in the 1940s.

Genre: Action/Adventure/Fantasy/Sci-Fi

Director: Griff Furst

Key Cast: Michael Gross, Christopher Atkins, Greg Evigan, Phil Burke, Wendy Carter, Marie Westbrook, Dustin Hamish

Five Point Summary:

1. Michael Gross looks like a cheap Sean Connery knock-off.
2. They’ve got themselves a cut price Stargate…
3. That CGI… terrible.
4. Amazing how, despite living in dinosaur times for 6 years, they all look like they use Head and Shoulders.
5. It’s all gone a bit The Lost World on us. But much worse.

The Asylum strike again with another mockbuster that has absolutely nothing at all to do with the mainstream release of 10,000 BC, yet was cunningly released in stores at the same time in a bid to reel in unsuspecting punters. In the 1940s scientist Frank Reno (Gross), a member of the Rainbow Project, aka the Philadelphia Experiment, sends a team of scientists back in time by approximately 70 million years (see, even the title is wrong!), where they are inadvertently stranded. Now, in the present, Reno has figured how to find that original team and so, with a team of incredibly dumb US marines in tow, he travels back in time to rescue the stranded group and bring them back to the future. Unfortunately for all involved, including the audience, everything goes a bit “The Lost World” as they accidentally bring back a T-Rex which runs rampant through modern day Los Angeles. Well, kind of. If you groaned at the T-Rex in that film, you’ll be bashing your face against the TV screen whilst watching this delightful film.

Remember that sense of awe you had when you first saw the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park? The possibility that what you were seeing was real and not computer generated? Yeah well, that won’t happen here. The special effects (and they are truly special in ever sense of the word) range between incredibly bad CGI, incredibly bad stop motion, or incredibly bad rubber dinosaurs. Of course, they’re not the only bad things on display, the acting too is truly diabolical. The only one who puts in anything close to a competent performance is Michael Gross, and I think only then because he’s the stalwart of the Tremors franchise. The marines spend the majority of their time shouting and showing no indication that they have ever received any military training – it’s amazing that they actually qualified at all given their blatant lack of discipline and general ability. There is much shouting, many attempts at portraying anguish or indeed any human emotion, and much running away from bad special effects. Suffice to say, their overall level of incompetence ends with most of them being killed and/or eaten by grizzled dinos of the past, and it’s almost a relief when they finish playing a part in the story. This then leads into a ridiculous final act where the T-Rex runs riot and some odd time travel shenanigans are brought into play.

Perhaps the only good thing to mention is that they didn’t shoehorn in a bunch of cavemen in the past, as clearly that would have spat in the face of current scientific understanding, and also been an entirely ridiculous prospect. More than this ended up being, I mean. As it stands we should be grateful that it’s no longer than it needs to be, and we get to see a plant spit venom in the face of one of the marines. Apart from these very, very minor plus points, it’s one to avoid no doubt about it.

Favourite scene: Some poorly animated raptors wipe out a few characters in short succession.

Quote: “CHIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEFFFFFF!!!!!!!”

Silly Moment: The T-Rex leaping into the air and taking down a helicopter.

Score: 1/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6nkbbMXgpg

Frozen (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-12-17

Twitter Plot Summary: One princess has the magical power to freeze things. When things go pear-shaped, she plunges the kingdom into an unending winter.

Genre: Animation/Adventure/Comedy/Family/Fantasy/Musical

Director: Chris Buck & Jennifer Lee

Key Cast: Kristen Bell, Idina Menzel, Jonathan Groff, Josh Gad, Santino Fontana, Alan Tudyk, Ciaran Hinds, Chris Williams, Stephen J Anderson, Edie McClurg

Five Point Summary:

1. Time passes in a montage…
2. Let It Go. Man, that song was belted out.
3. Sven, Olaf, Kristoff, Anna. Entertaining quartet.
4. Ahh, things aren’t all that they seem…
5. Status quo restored. Not the band.

Disney are back again after their success with Tangled, this time with a story inspired by Hans Christian Anderson’s The Snow Queen. We follow two young princesses, one of whom has magical powers that allow her to manipulate, create and generally tinker with snow and ice. An accident early on leaves the younger sister, Anna, with a streak of white hair and results in older sister Elsa shutting herself away and cutting herself off from the world lest she harm anybody else with her powers. As the years pass, Anna wants to head outside, see the world and perhaps more importantly, see other people, whilst Elsa wants to remain cut off from the world. This leaves Anna starved for attention and desperate to find adventure and “The One”, ultimately flinging herself at the first man to show interest in her when the castle gates finally open to the world, when her sister comes of age and takes the throne. We of course know how that’s going to turn out.

It’s Disney at their most unashamed, chock full of catchy, heartfelt songs and fun characters. The animation is superb, as you would expect, and even without seeing it in 3D there’s a distinct possibility that I’ll go back and watch it with an extra dimension. Can’t say that about many films. There are a couple of caveats to take into account though. The first is that if you’ve seen Tangled then you’ve essentially seen Frozen as well. The lead female character isn’t too dissimilar to Rapunzel, and Sven the reindeer is almost a carbon copy of Maximus. The songs too are of a similar ilk to those in Tangled – big Broadway numbers that are belted out with relish by the cast, none more so than Let It Go where Idina Menzel puts 120% effort into it.

"You can't see it because I'm wearing a really good corset, but I'm usually THIS wide!" — “You can’t see it because I’m wearing a really good corset, but I’m usually THIS wide!”

The other sticking point is that both sisters look the same other than their hair colour, and that ultimately they are bit players in a film that should really focus on them quite extensively. In more positive news, Olaf the snowman isn’t anywhere near as irritating as the trailers made out, and there is lots of fun to be had with the buddy pairing of Kristoff and his trusty, carrot loving reindeer Sven. A couple of sequences involving magical trolls are a little at odds with the rest of the story, but they provide a brief distraction from what would otherwise be a dull A to B quest.

I can still heartily recommend the film in any case. Disney films are usually entertaining even when they hit an iffy patch (Disney’s 80s output, I’m looking at you). Thankfully the songs and amusing dialogue save it, so not only is Frozen a perfect festive movie but it also has enough going for it to justify viewings at other points in the year. A bit like Die Hard in that respect. Just don’t confuse it with the other movie called Frozen that was released in 2010 – renting that accidentally will give your kids nightmares.

Favourite scene: The wrathful snow giant seeks vengeance!

Quote: “Some people are worth melting for… but perhaps not right this second!”

Silly Moment: Olaf wondering what snow does in summer, but not joining the dots.

Score: 4/5

Rise of the Zombies (2012)

Simon Prior

2013-12-16

Danny Trejo had just realised what film he was in.

Twitter Plot Summary: Survivors of a zombie apocalypse take refuge on Alcatraz island. Star Trek TNG’s Geordi LaForge tries to find a cure.

Genre: Action/Horror/Thriller

Director: Nick Lyon

Key Cast: Danny Trejo, LeVar Burton, French Stewart, Mariel Hemingway, Ethan Suplee

Five Point Summary:

1. Terrible CGI zombies. This is not a good start.
2. Danny Trejo apparently can’t aim his gun. It’s all in the edit.
3. Modern science – recording findings on a smartphone.
4. The only well directed part of the film, and there is emotional resonance. Glory be.
5. Quick, panic stations! The zombies are coming!

Within the first 60 seconds we’re already exposed to bad CGI zombies, some silly CGI car stunts, and some surprisingly nice zombie effects. This is San Francisco and a virus has turned its denizens into a flesh eating undead horde. A group of survivors, including Machete and Geordi LaForge, take refuge on Alcatraz island during a zombie outbreak. Meanwhile, somewhere else Harry from Third Rock From The Sun infects a monkey with HIV (not like that…) and acts in a whimsical fashion.

There is zero tension to the zombie attacks, less so as they seem to just drop onto their victims almost as if they’re too bored to do so, and the victims just lie under a pile of bodies and die without a struggle. It’s almost as if even the cast wanted to escape from the film at the earliest opportunity. Logic takes a back seat to zombies that can swim from the mainland to Alcatraz and, despite being dead, manage to cross the waters and do exactly what the prison populace was apparently never able to achieve. Thanks to these amazing swimming zombies, the survivors are soon escaping on a raft and wander around mostly aimlessly for the remainder of the film. Not only are the zombies better at crossing water than an olympic swimmer, but they also have the ability to scale the Golden Gate bridge like Spider-Man, and several of them can tip over a car with barely any effort. They’re also confused – are they shamblers or are they runners? Nobody seems to have any idea. As I said – logic takes a back seat. Everybody with a gun is also scarily accurate when it comes to head shots, go figure.

Apparently zombies can now climb up the side of a bridge like Spider-Man. Who knew?

There are a lot of characters thrown at us in a very short space of time. No effort is made to introduce anybody, instead we have to rely on the fact that we recognise the likes of Danny Trejo and LeVar Burton and leave it at that. There are a couple of scientists involved, but ultimately they serve little to no purpose. Everybody else exists as zombie fodder with no other discernible reason for existing beyond that. That would be fine if the film had a purpose, a point to make. There’s no social commentary as in Romero’s zombie-related efforts, no effort to tell a meaningful story. Instead, much like the film as a whole, the characters have no purpose and are ripped apart by the undead at every available opportunity until only a few remain. It’s a bit like a sadistic game show in that respect. Furthermore every scene, every aspect of the story, feels rushed. The script will partially be to blame, but I’m also throwing this at the director too. There’s only one moment within the entire film that has any emotional impact – the characters react to the death of one of their group and then almost instantly we cut and they are driving away almost as if nothing had happened. I get the impression there was a very tight filming schedule and so everybody ran through their scenes in a very workmanlike, George Lucas-esque “just say the line a little bit faster” style. It’s not one to recommend.

Favourite scene: Zombie Danny Trejo. As if you didn’t see that coming.

Quote: “The bottom line is they’re here, and we’re sittin’ here like… er, sittin’ ducks.”

Silly Moment: Geordi LaForge slicing a huge chunk out of his arm to feed his zombie daughter.

Score: 2/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9cxIOU9MNI

Nebraska (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-12-15

Woody was aghast at how big that chicken had become.

Twitter Plot Summary: Woody thinks he’s won $1 million, so in a bid to keep him happy he’s driven to Nebraska by son David to collect his winnings.

Genre: Adventure/Drama

Director: Alexander Payne

Key Cast: Bruce Dern, Will Forte, June Squibb, Bob Odenkirk, Stacy Keach, Mary Louise Wilson, Rance Howard, Tim Driscoll, Devin Ratray

Five Point Summary:

1. Woody is determined to get to Nebraska…
2. Son David steps into the mix. Looks like we got ourselves a road trip!
3. June Squibb and the graveyard. Hilarious.
4. Woody gets a prize.
5. Good for you, David! Good for you! Etc.

Woody Grant (Dern) has received a letter in the post telling him that he’s won $1 million. The catch is, he has to get from his home in Montana to the competition office in Nebraska in order to claim his prize. Of course, everybody but Woody knows that it’s a marketing scam, but he’s having none of it. So a road trip begins as youngest son David (Forte) volunteers to take his dad to Nebraska and collect his money. Or, rather, discover that he’s not actually won anything. On the way they stop over in Woody’s old home town where news of his win spreads quickly and before long everybody’s slithering over to him asking for a handout.

Nebraska works on so many levels, it’s hard not to like it. The family dynamic is explored in great detail, and the way people in general react to the apparent good fortune of someone they know is nicely observed. The fact it’s shot in black and white barely deserves a mention, although for completeness’ sake I fear I must. The black and white style essentially makes the story timeless. Okay, so there are plenty of modern distractions on show, but in essence it could be a story told at any time past, present or future. Combining excellent cinematography with a good soundtrack is often one of the things I look out for in a movie, and Nebraska scores a big tick on that front – Mark Orton’s gently depressing score combines perfectly with Phedon Papmichael’s gorgeously shot Nebraska landscapes.

Odenkirk recounts his time spent as a lawyer for a meth dealer.

June Squibb as Woody’s long-suffering wife is a joy. She’s acerbic and quick to criticise almost everybody, but she’s also incredibly funny whilst doing so. Most of the laughs for me were via this character. The graveyard scene in particular is laugh out loud funny and is perhaps one of the funniest scenes I’ve viewed this year. Of course, she’s not the focus of this particular story – it’s all about son David and his relationship with dad Woody. Over the course of their journey David discovers a lot about his parents and family history that he was previously not privy to, and subequently starts to discover a few things about himself. He’s clearly not happy with his life in the first instance otherwise he wouldn’t have volunteered to take Woody on the trip. Bruce Dern is on top form as Woody, a man of few words who’s on the very edge of full on-set dementia. Then there’s Will Forte as David, putting in a surprisingly restrained performance compared to his usual material. Rounding off the central cast are Stacy Keach as old bully Ed Pegram, Woody’s old business partner and Bob Odenkirk as David’s older brother Ross. Keach is in menacing form as Pegram, almost but not quite threatening David and his family in a bid to get his hands on some of the money. Odenkirk is as entertaining as ever and seems to enjoy playing the role of concerned older brother.

Nebraska may not be the most showy film released this year, but it’s full of heart, affection and filled with characters that are never anything less than entertaining.

Favourite scene: David and Ross steal an air compressor from the wrong barn.

Quote: “Have a drink with your old man. Be somebody!”

Silly Moment: Stacy Keach doing karaoke.

Score: 5/5

Pontypool (2008)

Simon Prior

2013-12-14

Mazzy didn’t react well to the male doctor’s sultry striptease.

Twitter Plot Summary: A zombie-style outbreak takes place in Pontypool, Ontario as the local radio station tries to piece together what’s happening.

Genre: Horror/Thriller

Director: Bruce McDonald

Key Cast: Stephen McHattie, Lisa Houle, Georgina Reilly, Hrant Alianak

Five Point Summary:

1. A strange woman on the road, babbling to herself. A portent?
2. Is this a prank? Certainly seems like one.
3. Doctor in the houuuuuuse!!!
4. Zombie-related attacks…
5. The military really don’t like the English language, do they?

Pontypool is another fun twist on the zombie genre, this time with the virus being spread by words, the English language to be specific, rather than bites. Although saying that, despite the virus being transferred by words, that doesn’t stop the infected from trying to bite your face off. Conveniently, we’re in a radio station in Pontypool, Canada (sorry Welsh peeps, not your one) so it’s a veritable hotbed of words and choice language. More so when you introduce Stephen McHattie as shock jock Grant Mazzy, recently fired from his presenting job at a bigger station. At first he naturally assumes this is all just a prank to poke fun at him, but then events take a turn for the worse and it then becomes a question of how to survive.

Also conceived as a radio drama, Pontypool works as a low budget film because it doesn’t get ideas above its station – it restricts all of the action to one location and lets the characters do all the work. There’s also something unsettling about not seeing the outbreak itself, rather we as the audience experience it third hand along with trio working in the radio station. Alongside Mazzy are producer Sydney Briar (Houle) and Laurel-Ann (Reilly) who has recently returned from serving in the armed forces. Slowly we build a picture of what’s happening in the outside world as Pontypool is quarantined and announcements are piped into the town in French. Just through words and descriptions we know exactly what’s going down, and if anything else this picture created by our imaginations is more potent than anything we’d see on screen.

Mazzy was proud of his "silent but deadly". — Mazzy was proud of his “silent but deadly”.

Interestingly enough, even though the violence is taking place elsewhere, director Bruce McDonald often chooses to shoot his actors in close-up, which builds up the feeling that something is going to burst into the room at any moment and rip them all to pieces. The arrival of a group of singers, casually introduced in the background as the camera focuses on Briar during the broadcast, makes you assume the worst because you don’t know who/what they are. It turns out it’s worse than zombies as they sing something from The Sound of Music, but aside from that it’s a very clever lesson in how to build up tension in the audience. The way the infected seek victims and/or become infected in the first instance is also an interesting point – it begins with the repetition of a certain word or phrase, looping it until the infection takes hold. Once infected, a kind of echo location system is used, drawn to words rather than specific noises. I’ve said before many times, but I do like zombie films where the core idea is given a new twist, and Pontypool delivers on that front.

The introduction of the doctor comes at about the right point in the story, although his entrance and appearance is ever so slightly unbelievable. Still, it pushes the story forward into its second half and we not only start to receive some answers about the hows and whys of the outbreak, but also some choice zombie-style attacks. The ending leaves it open to your interpretation regarding the fate of the characters, but that’s not to say it’s a cop-out ending, rather it’s an extension of what has preceded it. Just remember to breathe breathe breathe, remember to breathe…. breathe breathe breathe… oh dear…

Favourite scene: When the infected make their way inside…

Quote: “Do we really want to provide a genocide with elevator music?”

Silly Moment: The doctor arrives. Through a window. Secure building…

Score: 3.5/5

Sucker Punch (2011)

Simon Prior

2013-12-13

The synchronised pouting event had gotten off to a good start.

Twitter Plot Summary: Babydoll is sent to an institution by her stepfather where she escapes into a series of fantasy daydreams to cope with her situation.

Genre: Action/Fantasy/Thriller

Director: Zack Snyder

Key Cast: Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Vanessa Hudgens, Jamie Chung, Carla Gugino, Oscar Isaac, Jon Hamm, Scott Glenn, Gerard Plunkett, Richard Cetrone

Five Point Summary:

1. There’s that trademark slow motion. Already.
2. Cue a plethora of fantasy within fantasy sequences…
3. It was all looking pretty good until the dragon shows up. Bad CGI.
4. That chef. Big ugly son of a gun.
5. Ahh right, so that’s what it was all about…

Zack Snyder has become known as a director with visual flair, an obsession with slow motion mixed with impressive visual effects and an Inception-esque fantasy within a fantasy setup. You could see Sucker Punch as the antithesis of the six-pack-fest that was 300, very much a fetishist’s paradise, an excuse to throw a group of attractive girls together and dress them up in an array of potentially exploitative costumes. Sure, you can argue that it’s actually liberation rather than exploitation, but I would disagree. Showing good looking women wearing slightly suggestive outfits can be considered acceptable when the overriding notion of the film is sexual harassment. The woman become playthings, their sole reason for existing is for men’s entertainment and to be exploited. Babydoll is our lead character, sent to an asylum after accidentally killing her sister. She reverts to fantasies within a fantasy in order to cope with her new circumstances and her past life, giving Snyder carte blanche to unleash the CGI machine.

Zack Snyder’s love of slow motion gets its fair share of use and then some. It’s another case where if he decided to play everything in real time the film would likely be a third shorter than it actually was. I’m in two minds as to whether or not this would be a good or a bad thing. And that sums up my feelings with regards to Sucker Punch – there are some really good bits let down by a meandering story that doesn’t engage its audience. Even the gratuitous use of women wearing fetishistic outfits does little to counteract the script. Well, some might argue otherwise on that point, but in any case just because the film’s setting and characters look interesting, doesn’t necessarily mean the film works as a whole.

There was only one reaction the cast had to the script... — There was only one reaction the cast had to the script…

Snyder does at least use music well in the edit. It complements the visuals and it’s a shame that we couldn’t get a story to match those two elements. Without dipping into spoiler territory I did appreciate it a little more once the story wrapped up and explained most of what had preceded it, but there was an equal amount left unanswered or parts that stare logic in the face and then run off screaming in the opposite direction. Ignoring the fantasy sequences for a moment, the rest of the film looks stylish but incredibly cheap – locations are limited to a few rooms within the asylum so it has an air of a stage play to it. As for the fantasy sequences, they look cheap but in a different sense. Clearly they were shot on a reasonably small sound stage, and the CGI itself is moderate to poor throughout. They also don’t make much sense – Babydoll and the girls have to find a number of items within those fantasies in order to escape from the asylum – fine, I’m with you on that point – but then the fantasies themselves make as much sense as an Alejandro Jodorowsky screenplay. The difference being, Jodorowsky is weird but entertaining, whereas this borders on tedium. I’d put this one down as an admirable failure.

Favourite scene: The World War 1/2 themed fantasy. Trenches and Steampunk Nazis = epic win.

Quote: “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”

Silly Moment:

Score: 2.5/5

Homefront (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-12-12

A more caring, considerate side to Jason Statham. He hasn't tried punching the horse yet. — A more caring, considerate side to Jason Statham. He hasn’t tried punching the horse yet.

Twitter Plot Summary: Ex-DEA agent Broker moves to a small town where he locks horns with a local meth dealer. Played by James Franco. I kid you not.

Genre: Action/Crime/Thriller

Director: Gary Fleder

Key Cast: Jason Statham, James Franco, Izabel Vidovic, Kate Bosworth, Marcus Hester, Clancy Brown, Winona Ryder, Omar Benson Miller, Rachelle Lefevre, Chuck Zito, Frank Grillo

Five Point Summary:

1. The Stath with biker hair. Looks weird.
2. Teaching bullies a few lessons…
3. Oh yes – Clancy Brown!
4. James Franco’s creepy grin.
5. And they swarm over Broker’s house like… er… bikers with guns.

What happens when you put perennial action hero Jason Statham in the American Deep South? Well, the same as happens in every other Jason Statham movie. Opening with the obligatory “Statham looks slightly different” prologue, Statham is Phil Broker, a DEA agent who has gone undercover with a group of bikers who are making and peddling meth. After the son of the head biker gets blown away by thirty-plus cops, Broker walks away from his DEA existence and moves with his daughter to the backwater town where his now deceased wife grew up. There, his daughter gets into an altercation with a local bully – specifically, she kicks the snot out of him – resulting in his parents demanding vengeance. Because that’s what happens in the American Deep South. Just to sell the point further, Broker has a black best friend who helpfully points out that feuds are all the range down there. Any possibility of political and/or historical subtext ends right there though – the script is by Sylvester Stallone, after all.

As you might expect, Statham’s accent varies wildly from scene to scene. I’m assuming he’s supposed to be American but that never comes across in anything he says – he’s East End London through and through. That should come as no surprise. In a somewhat strange piece of casting, James Franco plays Gator, the local meth dealer who gets in over his head when he decides to rat out Broker to the biker gang that wants revenge against him. To describe the situation between Franco and Statham as a mismatch would be underselling it greatly, but Franco does at least carry a little bit of menace even if he’s not entirely convincing. On the whole it’s a slow lead-in to the inevitable finale, but that action sequence does escalate nicely after a moderately entertaining build-up.

Statham's re-enactment of two girls, one cup using just his face had the power to shock, amaze and disgust in equal measure. — Statham’s re-enactment of two girls, one cup using just his face had the power to shock, amaze and disgust in equal measure.

Even more interesting is the casting of Winona Ryder and Kate Bosworth as drug-addled losers. In the case of Bosworth she’s the one wearing the trousers in that household, but still plays second fiddle to Gator. Ryder’s character, meanwhile, basically get used as a sex doll by the bikers and by Gator – less so by Gator, as he does at least seem to have more than just carnal feelings for her, although that’s not given much room to breathe. It’s yet another film where women play second fiddle to some rather unpleasant male characters, so don’t expect any overt feminism at play – again, it’s a script by Sylvester Stallone. Go figure.

I can’t say the action sequences were particularly well shot – it suffered a little from Bayhem-style “a bit too close to the camera” syndrome. I’d go so far as to say they were serviceable rather than spectacular. Until the final act it’s also nicely low key and surprisingly light on bloodshed. The rest of the film focuses on the feud concept, involving Broker’s daughters kitten at one point. That as an idea works, but re-introducing the biker gang seems almost unnecessary – the whole feud idea had enough going for it without reaching back to the opening prologue. In the end that concept does fizzle out, but not before much mayhem and destruction has taken place. Ultimately it’s big dumb fun, an enjoyable action romp but nothing more. You know what to expect from a Jason Statham film, and this one delivers.

Favourite scene: The attack on Broker’s house. Best it gets.

Quote: “Whatever you’re thinkin’… rethink it.”

Silly Moment:

Score: 2.5/5

Top Gun (1986)

Simon Prior

2013-12-11

Maverick was that close to kissing him. — Maverick would either punch him, or kiss him. Or just walk away. Or all three.

Twitter Plot Summary: The top pilots in the US Navy compete to become the Top Gun. Cocky pilot Maverick has to learn some stuff.

Genre: Action/Drama/Romance

Director: Tony Scott

Key Cast: Tom Cruise, Anthony Edwards, Val Kilmer, Kelly McGinnis, Tom Skerritt, Michael Ironside, Tim Robbins, John Stockwell, Meg Ryan, Adrian Pasdar, James Tolkan

Five Point Summary:

1. Hey look, it’s Principal Strickland from Back to the Future!
2. Maverick by name, maverick by nature.
3. Take my… breath away… bum bum…
4. Cliche result for Goose, right there.
5. And off to the Indian Ocean they go.

It’s taken me a few years to see Top Gun, one of the very many “essential” films that I had still to check off the list. Ironically I’ve seen parodies of it more than I’ve seen the original. I’m not sure how that’s worked out over the years, but in any case I’ve now finally seen why Hot Shots found the concept so ripe for spoofing.

We begin with Maverick and Goose engaging in flight-based shenanigans with a couple of foreign MiG’s and having the skill/tenacity to invert their plane and flip off the other pilot. From this (and his previous daring flight exploits, naturally) he’s selected to enter the Top Gun programme, where the top 1% of US pilots engage in an intensive training regime to home their dogfighting skills. The constituent parts are all there – the cocky attitude, the love interest and the pilot rivalry. And thus, you have a film. Well, you need the central character to go on a voyage of self discovery, and amidst his cocky attitude, the topless male beach volleyball sessions and the ill-advised romance with the woman providing tactical training in the Top Gun programme, he does indeed go on that journey. It’s heavy on melodrama, to the point where it almost has a sense of inevitability. Top Gun won’t win awards for most original screenplay, that much is clear. You can telegraph Goose’s fate from the moment he discusses his wife and son – we all know where that’s heading. The remaining characters have no depth to them, but they serve their purpose on a surface level only.

Iceman could keep that ball spinning for hours.

Made many years before Tony Scott’s directorial style became a parody of itself, there’s nary a swirling camera in sight. The action is in fact surprisingly coherent. Even for a cinema goer who is not privy to the world of aviation, the flight sequences are clear and it’s easy to see what’s going on. Compared to the ground-based story those flight sequences are breathtaking (no Berlin-related pun intended) and are in all honesty the main reason for sitting through the film. Not to say that the ground-based story isn’t worth your time, it’s just nothing compared to the stuff going on in the skies. Performances from all involved are earnest, perhaps a little too much so, but it does add to the cheese-factor.

The soundtrack too, is exactly the right level of cheese. Mixing favourites (cough, splutter) such as Kenny Loggins, Loverboy and Berlin, the music complements the excessive testosterone on display. Full of that typical “drum in a cavern” sound that was a product of the 80s music scene, you can almost smell the bromance between Maverick and, well, pretty much all of the other pilots. Testosterone levels are off the chart and you get the feeling that at any second one of them might just make a lunge at one of the others. Not even the presence of Kelly McGillis can dispel the masculine posturing on display. So it’s not perfect, but it’s perfectly acceptable as a blockbuster popcorn movie.

Favourite scene: No, not the beach volleyball… the opening where Maverick flies inverted above a MiG.

Quote: “I feel the need… the need for speed!”

Silly Moment: The beach volleyball…

Score: 3.5/5

The French Connection (1971)

Simon Prior

2013-12-10

Maybe running over the nun wasn't such a good idea... — Maybe running over the nun wasn’t such a good idea…

Twitter Plot Summary: Two New York cops investigate a drugs ring that has… A French Connection. Clue’s in the title.

Genre: Action/Crime/Thriller

Director: William Friedkin

Key Cast: Gene Hackman, Roy Scheider, Fernando Rey, Tony Lo Bianco, Bill Hickman, Benny Marino

Five Point Summary:

1. Gene Hackman in a Santa outfit. Brilliant.
2. Some people running around…
3. …some more people running around…
4. That chase sequence. Tense stuff.
5. Anti-climax and end credits?! What the fudge?

The French Connection opens rather inauspiciously as a man is shot in Italy for reasons that will soon become apparent. Cut to a United States that is now heavily involved in 70s fashion and a bust involving the most stereotypical black man you will ever see and Gene Hackman dressed as Father Christmas/Santa Claus/choose your appropriate bringer of festive gifts as appropriate. As a film opening goes, it does at least grab your attention. Like some attention-starved child or something.

I’m a bit confused as to how this film managed to garner quite so much attention in the 1972 awards season. Yes the story is relatively engaging, but the fact that we spend most of our time watching characters run from one place to another does not an engaging film make. Furthermore, Gene Hackman spends the rest of his time shouting at people and making a nuisance of himself. Seriously, if there had been any more shots of people following other people, running after other people, or shouting at people, it might as well have been an episode of Eastenders for all the dramatic weight, or lack thereof, that it creates. I’m all in favour of tense, nicely constructed chase/surreptitious following sequences, but this was just not thrilling.

Jesus impressions were not popular with Popeye Doyle.

It’s not all mildly unappealing though. The film is noteworthy for its impressive chase sequence where Doyle, driving a lovely brown Pontiac LeMans, follows an elevated train. The scene has no soundtrack and lets the action speak for itself (although according to director William Friedkin it was edited to the beat of Black Magic Woman by Santana). Narrowly missing other cars, pedestrians and, at one point, even a woman with a baby in a pushchair (oh, the humanity!), Doyle weaves his way through them all, blaring the car horn at every opportunity. It’s the best sequence by a long distance, and it’s a pity that there weren’t more similar scenes of tension. In second place, admittedly by some distance, is where Doyle and Charnier jump on and off a subway train. It’s almost a touch too silly for you to engage with, but just about maintains its credibility. If nothing else it’s amusing watching Doyle think he’s being very subtle when in actual fact Charnier has telegraphed his every move.

Friedkin also chose to shoot it in a realistic, documentary style way, but littering it with a mixture of dramatic slow zooms and crash zooms. You know, just to mix it up a little. All of this I’m not too sure about. Yes, it works to an extent and essentially makes you believe that what you’re seeing actually happened (it is based on a real life story, I must add), but on the whole it doesn’t build dramatic tension and, other than that chase sequence, has a detached air to it. Furthermore Roy Scheider is wasted as Doyle’s cop partner, although in fairness this was pre-Jaws so he was leading up to bigger and better things. As for Hackman, he’d return to the character in the imaginatively named French Connection 2 in 1975. But that’s a review for another time…

Favourite scene: Doyle and Charnier hopping on and off trains.

Quote: “Popeye. You still picking your feet in Poughkeepsie?”

Silly Moment: All that insufferable walking around. Will people just do something already?!

Score: 3.5/5

Sunshine On Leith (2013)

Simon Prior

2013-12-09

We won't have any of that sort of thing in here - it's a family pub! — We won’t have any of that sort of thing in here – it’s a family pub!

Twitter Plot Summary: Two soldiers return from Afghanistan and start singing Proclaimers songs. Must be some sort of PTSD.

Genre: Comedy/Drama/Musical/Romance

Director: Dexter Fletcher

Key Cast: George MacKay, Antonia Thomas, Peter Mullan, Jane Horrocs, Freya Mavor, Kevin Guthrie, Jason Flemyng

Five Point Summary:

1. Obligatory Proclaimers cameo .
2. Singing and dancing in a pub? Most peculiar.
3. So she’s off to America is she? Wonder if she’ll send a letter or a postcard back. Nah, probably just an email. Or Skype.
4. Relationship woes come to a head.
5. Flash mob in Edinburgh.

You wouldn’t expect there to be much in the idea of a musical based solely on the songs of The Proclaimers, would you? Okay, so the likes of Queen and Abba have musical based on their own extensive back catalogues, but The Proclaimers? To Joe Public, there are perhaps only two or three songs that have entered the public zeitgeist, certainly not enough to extend to a full musical. But there you would be wrong, there’s a bounty of popular tracks in their back catalogue that are both catchy and points to push the plot forward.

There’s a bevy of drama between the three couples established in the film – Rab and Jean going through a shaky patch around their 25th wedding anniversary; Liz and Ally resuming their relationship when he returns from Afghanistan; and then there’s Davy and Yvonne’s budding romance, she the English girl living in Edinburgh, he the Scots soldier who has difficulty knocking down the emotional brick wall he put up during his tour of duty. Jason Flemyng’s museum manager seems like he could add a layer of complication to things, but he instead has a surprisingly altruistic stance. In fact it’s amazing seeing him without a huge amount of prosthetics and paint stuck to his face, bet that made a nice change for him. Needless to say, the plot doesn’t twist and turn too much, mostly because it’s constrained by the songs. It was always going to finish with that particular song, there was always going to be somebody sending a letter from America, and so on. That doesn’t matter so much, because the fact they’ve managed to construct a narrative that makes sense amid the various Scots-infused pop tracks is worthy of mention just by itself. When you consider the strong performances from everybody involved, be they relatively new to the game (George Mackay, Fraya Mavor) or old stalwarts like Jane Horrocks and Peter Mullan’s, it embeds the realism if not the believability.

There was only one thing for it - he was going to serenade his wife Jean with a song called "Oh Jean" by The Proclaimers. Because they're all Scottish. — There was only one thing for it – he was going to serenade his wife Jean with a song called “Oh Jean” by The Proclaimers. Because they’re all Scottish.

There’s a message about the effects of war that gets lost amongst the schmaltz, however the opening sequence in the Middle East is powerful enough on its own. One of the soldiers who has returned minus his legs shows up in a couple of scenes, but any possibility of an anti-war message is soon forgotten. Just bask in how glorious Edinburgh looks (even if that’s probably not actually the case – not been there myself so I can’t really comment) and the overall cheeriness of the Proclaimer’s songs.

It’s ultimately a feel good film, no real depth but an enjoyable ride while you’re involved with it. More often than not, you need a musical to be thoroughly entertaining on a surface level only, and in that respect it delivers. If you’re so inclined, you may even find certain aspects of the drama worthy of a tear or “something in your eye” like smoke or a tiny bit of gravel. Not me of course, I’m made of sterner stuff. Now, if somebody could adapt We Will Rock You for the big screen, I’ll be happy. Make it happen people.

Favourite scene: The final flash mob and accompanying music.

Silly Moment: Jason Flemyng’s dancing. Oh my.

Score: 3.5/5

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