The Hunchback of Notre Dame II (2002)

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2015-05-12

"You know I'm allergic to flowers!" — “You know I’m allergic to flowers!”

Twitter Plot Summary: More direct to DVD Disney gubbins. So bland I can’t even be bothered to do a proper Twitter length summary. Le sigh.

Quasimodo is back for more adventures in the cleverly named, direct to DVD sequel The Hunchback of Notre Dame II. Just don’t go expecting the animation to be anywhere near as good as the cinematic release – this is on par with the quality of Disney’s animated television shows. In some instances this isn’t a bad thing, just take a look at Duck Tales. When considering an animated sequel to a Disney Classic then you half expect it to be somewhat lacking in quality. Sadly this is the state of affairs with almost all of Disney’s sequel, whether we like it or not.

At least the voice cast from the 1996 original make a return, with added Jennifer Love Hewitt for good measure. She plays Madellaine, a circus girl forced to try stealing one of the bells from Notre Dame. This just so happens to be at the same time as Quasimodo (Tom Hulce) is lamenting the fact he has yet to find that special someone, and Madellaine’s task is, for want of a better term, to woo him. Telegraphing the rest of the story is almost a given once you have this basic information to hand. Quasi and Madellaine will have a “thing” going on, she will undoubtedly break away from her life of crime and join the forces of good, and the bad guy will get his comeuppance. That bad guy is Sarousche, voiced by Spinal Tap’s Michael McKean. A preening falsehood of a man, he’s not a particularly impressive villain but his acts of subterfuge both on stage and off are interesting at least.

So delightfully evil. Except, he's rubbish. — So delightfully evil. Except, he’s rubbish.

But what about the songs, you may ask? They’re not that special to be honest, sub-par Broadway showtunes and little else. I’m not sure whether it’s to do with less talented writers working on the sequels (all due respect to them despite my saying this), but it feels like the Disney B-Team had a crack at the script and writing a few songs. It may also be something to do with the script which leaves a lot to be desired. There’s no subtlety to it, falling into that same old trap of providing a lacklustre story for the sake of milking a cinematic release. The first Hunchback film had great songs, great animation and a decent story going for it, despite being one of the least impressive and commercially/critically successful Disney Classics.

Thankfully in more recent times Disney have tried to step away from subpar sequels, but that is of no help here, obviously. With most of the focus on Quasi and Madellaine there’s no room for the rest of the cast – Kevin Kline and Demi Moore are little more than cameo appearances. It’s this level of inconsistency that proves to be the biggest harm, had they managed to craft a story that was.’t so completely by the numbers then it may have had some merit. Instead, it’s perfect fodder for background entertainment for the kids while you go off and get the housework done.

Score: 1.5/5

The Dead 2: India (2013)

By

Simon Prior

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2015-05-08

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Cue an obligatory, borderline racist joke about the state of healthcare in India.

Twitter Plot Summary: Zombies rampage across India, albeit very, very slowly. An American tries to save his Indian girlfriend.

Taking its cue from the original The Dead, The Dead 2: India runs with the idea of a zombie apocalypse taking place in a part of the world that hasn’t previously been explored in wider zombie cinema. An outbreak taking place in India is instantly a great idea due to its dense population. The virus makes its way to India via a man who was bitten in the Somali outbreak, and before you know it the dead are walking around and nibbling on unsuspecting people.

It’s not too dissimilar to the first The Dead, which is no bad thing in itself, but it sticks quite rigidly to the structure of that film without doing anything particularly new with that formula. The location is slightly different and some of the methods of avoiding the undead are new – one sequence early on sees our lead using a powered parachute to get above the undead horde – but otherwise it’s near enough a beat for beat retread.

An American contractor working in India, Nicholas Burton (Joseph Millson) is working some 300 miles away from his girlfriend, local girl Ishani (Meenu Mishra) when the dead start to attack the living. By hook or by crook, he’s going to make it through to rescue her. She meanwhile gets to sit back in a zombie-infested city and do very little except look surprised.

"...HOW much are the mobile data charges in India?!" — “…HOW much are the mobile data charges in India?!”

The sections following Burton as he makes his way across the country are decent, with emphasis on his grief at having to shoot people. He’s not your usual gung-ho military American presence which is a refreshing change. Less successful are those that focus on Ishani and her parents. It’s less to do with the woman playing her mother, as all she has to do is lie down and pretend to have a zombie bite. No, the issue lies with the man playing her father (Sandip Datta Gupta). There are perhaps better ways of dressing it up, but the fact of the matter is he’s not a very good actor and any scene with him in it is dragged down.

Meanwhile, directors Howard and Jonathan Ford are good at making zombie attacks dramatic and nail biting experiences for the audience, despite these being your classic “slow” zombies. There are a number of rather attractive shots layered throughout as well, so they know what they’re doing when it comes to this side of the process. They are less successful in teasing out good performances from their actors, but this may be something that is substantially outside of their control. Who’s to say that they haven’t got the very best out of the actors selected for this film?

These days it’s interesting to see how film makers manage to make slow zombies scary again, especially since the introduction of sprinting zombies/infected in 2002. If there is a third film in the series then it would be nice to see them expand on the format, work on their story structure and do something unique, and to perhaps not have an American in the lead role to freshen things up. The Dead 3: Antarctica, anyone?

Score: 2.5/5

Swamp Thing (1982)

By

Simon Prior

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2015-05-07

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Adrienne Barbeau's let herself go. — Adrienne Barbeau’s let herself go.

Twitter Plot Summary: After a scientist is doused in a special chemical (and some fire), he becomes Swamp Thing!

From the directorial chair of Wes Craven and the pages of DC Comics comes Swamp Thing. In the comics the character was somewhat of a joke until Alan Moore took over writing duties and managed to make something genuinely entertaining and deep in a character that was originally a one note creation. Can the same be said about the movie adaptation of the character? Well, it certainly isn’t pitched as anything more than a 1980s B-Movie, an homage to the science fiction movies of the 1950s.

Adrienne Barbeau stars as Alice Cable, a government representative with big hair (well, it was 1982) who is sent to a swamp research facility just as the resident mad scientist Dr Alec Holland (Ray Wise) makes a breakthrough on his research. Unfortunately this is takes place shortly before the facility is stormed by Dr Anton Arcane (Louis Jordan) And his mercenary troop. Doused in his secret formula and on fire a bit, Holland plunges into the swamp while the mercs tear the place down and spend a good half an hour chasing after Alice.

The love story between Holland/Swamp Thing and Alice is a little shallow because it barely has enough screen time to be established before his transformation takes place. I say transformation, it is literally a man in a big rubber suit. The story might be half decent, but the Swamp Thing costume is rather bad. Because of this relatively low budget approach it doesn’t even benefit from letting Swamp Thing use the more advanced powers established for him in the comic – here he’s limited to super strength, the ability to regrow limbs that have been hacked off, and to heal wounds.

Going back to the story, there aren’t issues with the themes of the piece, it’s more to do with how they are executed. It’s little more than an extended chase sequence for much of the running time. And the villain? He’s useless, even more so when he gets a taste of his own medicine. He’s from the arch-camp category of bad guy, to the point where he’d rather spend a bit of time explaining his evil plan rather than doing anything genuinely evil.

Adrienne Barbeau's let herself go... oh sorry, I've done that joke. — Adrienne Barbeau’s let herself go… oh sorry, I’ve done that joke.

It’s an unusual choice of project for Craven given his previous horror catalogue, but then there are sufficient horror elements to this story to explain his involvement. It’s a shame that it doesn’t take another step into full-on horror territory, it would have been a much better film if it had.

It might pay homage to those classic B-Movies of the 1950s, but on the whole it doesn’t move quickly enough to be anywhere near as good as it should be. Blame it on the budget or the script if you like, it doesn’t make all that much difference. The fact is, the poor effects would be forgivable if the script and action were handled well. As both factors are off the mark, what we’ve ended up with is a sub-par Bigfoot-style tale set in a swamp.

Score: 2/5

Sex Tape (2014)

By

Simon Prior

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2015-05-06

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"It's okay, it can't be nearly as bad as... oh wait, it actually is." — “It’s okay, it can’t be nearly as bad as… oh wait, it actually is.”

Twitter Plot Summary: In a bid to reboot their love life, Jay and Annie decide to film it – and then accidentally share it with friends and family.

It might be worth saying from the off that Sex Tape is technically an incorrect title, because at no point do we venture back to the 90s and see an actual VHS tape. Instead, the “tape” is an mp4 video file recorded directly onto an iPad. The plot is a simple one. Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel play a couple whose love life went out the window following the birth of their two children. In a bid to spice things up, they decide to make a sex tape. Rather foolishly, this is then shared to a number of iPads that Segel’s Jay has dished out to a number of friends and, oddly, the postman. They then have to go out and retrieve the iPads and/or delete the video from each device before friends and family see the video.

So other than an excuse to see bits of Cameron Diaz and Jason Siegel in the nip (and nowhere near as often as the trailer might suggest), there isn’t much else to it. Despite being labelled as a comedy this is a joke vacuum, little more than a 90 minute iPad advert that has been advocated by an array of famous faces.

Plus, in this day and age you have to take the technological side of things with a huge grain of salt. Even assuming all local copies of the video are destroyed, normally once something is uploaded to the web it remains there for time immemorial. Given the relatively youthful attitudes of Jay and Annie, you would think they’d have a better concept of how the internet and technology works. Instead, ignoring the cloud sync aspect, this could have been a script written in the 90s where the latest writer only gave it one quick draft to bring it up to date. The problem with this process is that it blatantly required much more work than that. Much, much more.

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING IN THIS!" — “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING IN THIS!”

Rob Lowe gets the best out of this tired script, the head of a wholesome family business who has a penchant for snorting cocaine and listening to Slayer. In a distant second place are Rob Corddry and Ellie Kemper as the best friends, but their role is never fully expanded to a satisfactory level. Jack Black has a brief cameo and does his usual thing, but his appearance makes you wonder how the film would have turned out had he been given the lead role. Probably equally as bad, thinking about it.

Meanwhile Cameron Diaz gets a few good moments but Jason Segel does little to cement himself as a leading man. What worked in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and, to a lesser extent, in How I Met Your Mother is entirely absent here. Jay is just a thoroughly annoying creation. Segel is decent given the right material – or performing his own script – but this particular performance does him no favours.

If there is a message to Sex Tape, it’s lost somewhere in this awful, awful plot. Something about people forgetting who they are and losing sight of their lives, no matter how vacuous and unimportant their previous selves might have been? I don’t know, by that point I’d lost interest.

Score: 1/5

To The Devil A Daughter (1976)

By

Simon Prior

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2015-05-05

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"No, God, this is MY knife!" — “No, God, this is MY knife!”

Twitter Plot Summary: Good and evil fight for the soul of a soon to be 18 year old nun. My money’s on Christopher Lee.

Released towards the latter end of Hammer’s domination of the horror genre, Christopher Lee’s priest finds himself excommunicated after engaging in Satanic activities, planning on kidnapping Nastassja Kinski’s nun Catherine and using her for Satanist purposes. So begins To The Devil A Daughter, a film which not only covers many of Hammer’s favourite tropes, but also makes obligatory comments about modern society at that time. Catherine is protected by her father and an American novelist who specialises in the occult. Rather a convenient turn of events to have this man as her protector, I’m sure you will agree. A battle of wits ensues between good and evil, with the girl’s soul the prize for whomever ultimately wins.

The cast list should indicate the level of power Hammer held at that time. Christopher Lee is an obvious star given his longstanding links with the Hammer studio, but we also have the delight of seeing Denholm Elliot, Honor Blackman (post-Goldfinger, but long before the mostly average sitcom The Upper Hand) and Richard Widmark in the main roles.

Lee exudes sinister intent, tonally somewhere between his performances in Dracula and The Wicker Man. He’s the strongest part of this production without question, but Lee could do a role like this in his sleep if need be. Widmark is given the straight role, barely stepping out from this to give his character any personality. There’s a little more for Denholm Elliott to do, stressing over his daughter’s safety and getting into a couple of scrapes with the bad guys.

It was then they realised just how badly he'd taken the news of Christopher Lee being cast as the villain. — It was then they realised just how badly he’d taken the news of Christopher Lee being cast as the villain.

For those not in the know, Nastassja Kinski is the daughter of the brilliant but incredibly hot tempered Werner Herzog collaborator Klaus Kinski. Fortunately it seems that her father’s angry outbursts were not carried over to his children, who it seems were fearful of him and barely had any contact. She is an interesting presence as Catherine, portraying religious naivety yet having the ability to turn this completely on its head when the possession kicks in. This being the 1970s, Honor Blackman is seriously underused and is here apparently just to bulk up the female quota.

The problem is that the plot is nonsensical and doesn’t end in a satisfactory manner. Most of the events taking place are not told in a clear and concise manner and gives the impression that they made up most of it on the spot. The inherent Britishness of the locations and Hammer’s previous skills in the horror genre do little to save this, and that ending really needed fleshing out some more. The preceding events wouldn’t be as badly received had they bothered to provide a decent ending. Instead the story peters out and it’s not clear what the outcome really is.

When you take into account the number of other, better possession films that had already been made by that point it highlights just how bad To The Devil A Daughter really is. On the strength of this effort, it’s clear to see why Hammer Productions went belly-up shortly after.

Score: 1.5/5

The Anomaly (2014)

By

Simon Prior

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2015-05-04

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The long days of standing in a box and doing literally nothing else were incredibly tiring for Brian Cox.

Twitter Plot Summary: Ryan finds himself waking up at various points throughout his life, with less than 10 minutes each time to figure out what’s going on.

Noel Clarke is Ryan, a man who wakes up in the back of a van that is making its way through a future London. He has no memory of how he got there, and realises that 6 months have passed since his last memory. It soon transpires that he moves forward in time every 9 minutes and 47 seconds, and he has to figure out exactly why the bad guys are trying to kill him, and indeed if he is one of those bad guys himself. So begins The Anomaly.

Once again this is a Noel Clarke film that draws heavy influence from other science fiction films, yet manages to branch off and do its own thing from a recognisable concept. This is one part Source Code, one part JJ Abram’s interpretation of Earth/London in his Star Trek films. The influence should come as no surprise given that Clarke played a London-based Starfleet officer at the beginning of Star Trek Into Darkness.

Other than Noel Clarke who stars and directs in this feature, he is joined by Ian Somerhalder who fans of Lost will recognise in spite of the prominent bow tie he sports throughout. There is also an all too brief appearance by Brian Cox (no, not the professor). In fact, Cox is such a minimal presence that you question the reason for him being cast. His supreme talent is wasted, and in the context of the story the role could have been filled by anyone. Perhaps more of his performance was left on the cutting room floor for pacing reasons? In any case, it’s a shame he didn’t have a larger role to play.

"So what if I have a bow tie? Bow ties are cool." — “So what if I have a bow tie? Bow ties are cool.”

It finds itself being saved by earnest performances and decent action choreography, elevating otherwise mundane sequences to something that has a bit of flair and razzle dazzle. What this amounts to in reality is an excuse for a fight to break out in most of the near-10 minute memory jumps. This keeps things ticking along quite nicely, but it does mean things become a little stagnant and repetitive in places. For those not well versed in the language of time travel and displacement in science fiction stories, you might find yourself struggling to keep up with all the twists and turns – especially when Ryan keeps jumping forward in time and has a different job or hairstyle. Indeed, a different life each time.

Meanwhile there are critiques of US policy regarding the treatment of prisoners weaved throughout (water boarding features quite prominently), as well as some fun ideas on what future technology will look like – the see-through mobile phones are an interesting concept.

The Anomaly is an enjoyable science fiction thriller with a solid premise, one that in the grand tradition of sci-fi allows the filmmakers to discuss modern themes in a future context. The budget might not match that of an American film but there’s enough here to get the message across and still look good whilst doing so.

Score: 3/5

Megalodon (2002)

By

Simon Prior

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2015-04-11

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Twitter Plot Summary: A drilling company unleash a giant megalodon shark and it attacks them a little bit.

One of two giant shark films to be released in 2002, Megalodon (aka Sharkzilla) is the straighter faced of the two – the other of course being the cheesefest that is Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. Here, a giant, previously thought extinct giant shark, a megalodon, is released from its previously inaccessible lair thanks to the meddlings of an oil drilling company.

As often proves to be the case, Megalodon is your typical creature feature. Stocked to the gills (yes, that was deliberate) with bad computer generated graphics, suspect performances and a plot that doesn’t make much sense, all you need to know is that humans are stupid and often bring around their own downfall – as evidenced here in the shape of a giant shark. Sadly any possibility of passing comment on the activities of said oil companies is lacking in the final production. The inclusion of some background subtext like this would have made for something at least a bit interesting.

Mark Sheppard, in a role long before he’d hit the big time with the likes of Battlestar Galactica and Supernatural, gets to spend most of his time staring at other people and not speaking – a criminal waste of his talents although clearly it was an easy pay cheque for him. His moments of dialogue pale in comparison to those where he just gets to react to things – a master at work.

"I am going to do better things than this, right? Great!" — “I am going to do better things than this, right? Great!”

The only other big name in the cast, past or present, is Robin Sachs as the guy in charge of the expedition. Much like everyone else in the cast, he has little to work with and is lumbered with the generic “boss” role. Unlike many similar productions however, he isn’t painted into the bad guy corner, instead they all have to band together to defeat the shark menace.

Meanwhile we also have Al Sapienza as a white haired version of Bennett from Commando, whispering his way through his dialogue in apparent homage to Vernon Wells. He’s so grizzled he’d give Kris Kristofferson a run for his money in that category, and is this film’s equivalent of a salty sea dog.

They are in no rush to reveal the Megalodon, and for good reason. There’s only so much you can do with a giant shark that is intent on killing anyone and everyone in its way. But then compared to most of these features the number of deaths are kept to a minimum, and the shark itself is a mostly ineffectual beast. That may have more to do with its terrible CGI construction over anything else, however.

Because of its serious tone and a distinct lack of any tongue in cheek performances, it isn’t a creature feature to recommend for repeat viewings, unlike its brethren Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. The lack of any tension, interesting characters and damage caused by the shark do it more damage than favours. Even the final scene, which teases a potential sequel, feels as though it was tacked on in the absence of a half decent ending. It could have worked with a few tweaks, but the reality is it doesn’t.

Score: 2/5

Bending The Rules (2012)

By

Simon Prior

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2015-04-08

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He couldn't help but feel that there was something missing. Like a wrestling ring. — He couldn’t help but feel that there was something missing. Like a wrestling ring.

Twitter Plot Summary: An easygoing New Orleans cop has to look after the District Attorney who wants to have him arrested for skimming money from drug busts.

I’ve discussed it many a time in the past, but generally speaking the movies made by WWE Films/WWE Studios usually follow the same close template. One moderately big name star from the acting world, one professional wrestler, and a story that can be told in under 90 minutes. They are also invariably in the action comedy genre, although there have been some, but not many, exceptions to this rule. It’s no different in Bending The Rules.

The story here sees an up and coming Junior District Attorney Theo Gold (Jamie Kennedy) joining forces with a maverick cop Nick Blades (Edge from WWE, aka Adam Copeland) who is currently on administrative leave from the force, as they meander along a storyline that involves Theo trying to get his Dad’s stolen car back while being targeted for minor misdemeanours by crooked cops, and Blades trying to avoid having Gold put him behind bars for skimming money off drug busts, and trying to figure out who wants to kill Gold.

Before we go any further – what sort of a name is Nick Blades? It’s yet another example of bad naming conventions in action cinema. And this is not a film that you would describe as original – there’s the hot female police officer, the laid back rule-breaking cop, the slimy attorney, even a stereotypically angry, black, senior police officer makes an appearance. It seems the only other genre convention not crammed into the story would be the Danny Glover type complaining about being old.

"Look, I know the script isn't great, but there's no need to point a gun at the writer." — “Look, I know the script isn’t great, but there’s no need to point a gun at the writer.”

Edge, much like the majority of his WWE cohort who have transitioned from professional wrestling into the acting sphere, is an enjoyable and charismatic lead but he’s not going to be bothering the award ceremonies any time soon. In fact he’s almost too laid back, as even in the face of certain death or, at the very least, extreme danger, he is remarkably placid. I understand that the character is supposed to be this easygoing chap who follows the “slow and steady” mantra for solving crime, but surely he should show some concern when his life is threatened?

This being a WWE Films/WWE Studios production, there is the inevitable piece of moderately big name casting. In fact here there’s two if you ignore Jamie Kennedy – Philip Baker Hall and Jessica Walter as Theo’s parents. Baker Hall has been in a huge number of films in the past, and Walter is perhaps best known these days for Arrested Development and Archer. They add a bit of class to events, but are given no opportunity to add much else. At least you can never accuse these productions of being incompetent. Sure the story might be as vanilla as they come, but at least the camera is pointed in the right direction and there are decent if unspectacular performances from all involved. They put The Asylum to shame, at the very least.

It’s a fun little adventure but nothing more than that. It’s enjoyable in isolation, but ultimately it amounts to nothing more than your standard, generic and inherently forgettable buddy cop movie.

Score: 2/5

The Spongebob Squarepants Movie (2004)

By

Simon Prior

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2015-04-06

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"YES! I GOT A FILM DEAL!" — “YES! I GOT A FILM DEAL!”

Twitter Plot Summary: Spongebob and the residents of Bikini Bottom get the big screen treatment, now with added David Hasselhoff.

Well now, this was an odd one. That’s not to say it’s not good – I laughed consistently throughout at every absurd moment thrown at the script. I haven’t had the pleasure of watching the Spongebob TV series in any great detail, but for me it marks the latest in a long line of animated series that owe a debt to the original Ren and Stimpy show. You can throw Invader Zim in with that bundle of shows as well, but it seems in terms of popularity it’s Spongebob who has won that contest hands down by running for over a decade and clocking in more than a hundred episodes in that time. By comparison, Invader Zim barely scraped its way to less than fifty episodes before it was hit with the cancellation hammer despite the similar tone shared between Zim and Spongebob.

In any case, let’s talk about the 2004 Spongebob Squarepants movie, where the insanity of the television series gets a bigger, wider screen in order to demonstrate its insanity. Events begin with Spongebob thinking he’s going to be awarded the manager’s job at the Krusty Crab 2 restaurant (long story short, he doesn’t), but rather quickly the story goes off on its own insane trajectory where the evil and incredibly tiny Plankton plans to steal King Neptune’s crown, all of which also includes Plankton stealing the secret Krabby Patty recipe for use in his own decrepit and unpopular rival restaurant the Chum Bucket. Instantly, I can see why he finds it so difficult to pull customers in…

They've just been eating ice cream, honest. — They’ve just been eating ice cream, honest.

The trailers made a lot out of the live action sequences, in particular the one featuring a guest appearance from the legend that is David Hasselhoff, but for most of the running time this is a traditionally animated 2D feature, which in this day and age is a positive boon. Matching the style of the TV series was always going to be a good thing, but it’s a canny piece of marketing that they have repeated for the most recent movie – that is, focus on what’s new and different.

Needless to say, fans of the Nickelodeon cartoon will love this, as will anybody else who takes delight in absurdist, surreal animation. There’s a certain amount of delight to be taken from seeing these characters, in particular the friendship between Spongebob and Patrick, played out in a cinematic setting, and the feature length running time allows for a slightly more in depth storyline than the traditional 20 minutes on TV permit. The road trip aspect is great fun, as is the mysterious hitman, voiced by Alec Baldwin of all people, sent by Plankton to silence Spongebob once and for all.

In fact, if there was anything to change, it would be to make it slightly more insane than it already is, but then that might be pushing things a bit too far for even the most diehard of Spongebob fans. There are limits to the amount of insanity we can enjoy, after all.

Score: 4/5

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFOApyQFEc

Movie Soundtrack Highlights – Power Station: We Fight For Love

By

Simon Prior

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2015-04-05

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There are some films that you just can’t help but enjoy for their enduring silliness, their over the top action sequences, and their daft one liners. One such film is Commando, which has been reviewed here before and at great length. Besides featuring the best villain in action movie history, Vernon Wells’ gurning, slightly overweight Freddie Mercury lookalike Bennett, it also has a cracking song playing over the end credits. Performed by 80s supergroup The Power Station – comprising members of Duran Duran, Chic and Robert Palmer, the track featured vocals from Palmer’s replacement Michael Des Barres and a classic 80s rock riff at its centre.

The lyrics seem to be from the perspective of Schwarzenegger’s character John Matrix, who throughout the film attempts to rescue his daughter from the clutches of Bennett and General Arius (Dan Hedaya). It’s equally as silly as the film itself, but happens to be a rather enjoyable finale to a rather enjoyable film. It also works very well indeed in its own right, although it was sadly missing from the band’s debut album released in 1985. It did however return on the 2005 reissue as a bonus track and with a new title – Somewhere, Somehow, Someone’s Gonna Pay.

This is a song that I keep coming back to time and time again. Not only is it a reminder of how great Commando is (and I really should make time to watch it again soon), but it has a great, persistent drum beat and a guitar riff that is not only easy to play but doesn’t get complicated just for the sake of it.

Check it out in the video below. If you’re not at least tapping your foot to it within the first 60 seconds then there is clearly something wrong with you.

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