Zombex (2013)

Zombex (2013)

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The dirty... four? This is not going to go well.
The dirty… four? This is not going to go well.

Twitter Plot Summary: A couple of guys cross country during a zombie apocalypse. A very badly structured zombie apocalypse.

Five Point Summary:

1. Malcolm McDowell clearly had nothing better to do on this day.
2. Lots of driving, not much going on.
3. Random lesbian scene. Just because.
4. Corey Feldman is in one scene – why?
5. So… what was the point?

There are typically only three or four possible origins for any “traditional” zombie outbreak in films. In the case of Zombex, it’s the result of an evil drugs company and their new drug. The pills from Chandler Pharmaceuticals turning people into the flesh-eating undead. It could be a conspiracy or it could just be bad fortune, but ultimately it’s not of much concern given the quality of this production.

With no disrespect intended as the guy is a legend, you can frequently tell what type of film you’re setting yourself up for as soon as you see Sid Haig’s name appear in the credits. His appearance is typically short however and represents nothing more than an entirely crazy cameo. He does a little better than Corey Feldman, who shows up right at the very end in a thankless role. Much of the narrative follows a southern radio presenter and a guy dressed in black as they drive across the country for reasons that are never really made clear.

It’s another example of your usual low budget zombie fare with all the usual problems – generally poor direction, generally poor acting and a generally poor script. Action is badly framed and the camera is frequently far too close to the actors. The film’s colour palette is weird to say the least, frequently opting to have half the screen in blue and the other half in yellow. It’s not cool or innovative, it just looks weird. The use of New Orleans as the setting is clearly an attempt at drawing parallels with the effects of Hurricane Katrina and subsequent unrest that afflicted the area a few years ago. Indeed, that disaster is the reason for Chandler Pharmaceuticals developing the drug in the first place – step up Malcolm McDowell as the scientist responsible for the drug being developed in what amounts to a weekend’s work for him. Is he American or is he Malcolm McDowell? His accent varies so wildly it’s never a certainty.

A couple of barely dressed women. Because the film thinks you need this.
A couple of barely dressed women. Because the film thinks you need this.

In more positive news, and as is typical of these low budget zombie films, the gore is impressive and sufficiently nasty. That’s pretty much the only positive thing to say, as the rest of it is almost mind-numbingly dull. The story has no direction, the characters have no personality and it even feels it necessary to shoehorn in a couple of exotic dancers who wear very little and carry machine guns. Suffice to say there is also a lesbian love scene just because the script called for it and they found a couple of women willing to take their tops off.

In terms of internal logic to the story, there is practically none. The main characters move from A to B and never seem to get anywhere closer to their goal, and we’re introduced to a number of secondary characters who play no part to the narrative and exist solely to bump up the zombie attack quota. Bearing in mind the usual rules around zombie outbreaks, the film is as ridiculous as watching the characters have a loud music party in a clearly unsecured venue. Logic is something that Zombex lacks, and is a sadly typical representative of the zombie genre.

Score: 0.5/5

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