Goal II: Living The Dream (2007)

Goal II: Living The Dream (2007)

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"My five bedroom bastard house!"
“My five bedroom bastard house!”

Twitter Plot Summary: Santiago Munez moves away from Newcastle United to Real Madrid – for no apparent reason other than money and success.

Well so much for loyalty to Newcastle United. After they gave him his big break in Goal, Latino footballer Santiago Munez (Kuno Becker) is offered the chance to play for Real Madrid and within five minutes he’s taken them up on their offer and is upping sticks for Spain quicker before you can say “glory chaser”. You can understand why he took the move though – Spain is a lot warmer than the Toon. Plus, in the world of Goal 2, Newcastle get Michael Owen in an exchange deal (rather than a straight sale as happened in reality). Seems like a fair trade.

Stannis Baratheon – sorry, Stephen Dillane – is back as Munez’s agent, as is Anna Friel as Munez’s Geordie bride to be Roz, frequently wearing either her nurse’s uniform or not much else. Nice to know where we stand on that front. Munez is joined by his former Newcastle United teammate Gavin Harris (Alessandro Nivola), who is already established in the Real Madrid squad but is having a run of bad form which may or may not lead to a bit of friction further down the line.

Meanwhile new additions to the cast include Rutger Hauer as the coach/manager of the Real Madrid squad, and Sean Pertwee returns just to give a bit of dramatic weight to proceedings. It’s probably for the best given that we also get to enjoy the acting talents of David Beckham – thankfully limited to a couple of appearances and a daft grin. The old adage of never letting a footballer have dialogue rings true.

"I was dressed as a zombie! I'm Alan Partridge!"
“I was dressed as a zombie! I’m Alan Partridge!”

While the action on the pitch is generally well presented, it is treated in a similar way to the old 90s cartoon The Hurricanes – that is, football interpreted by somebody who doesn’t really understand how the game is played or what the rules involve. That has never been the focal point of the Goal films though, which have always been more interested in the footballer lifestyle, as vacuous and self-absorbed as that often is.

It’s just difficult to care or empathise with someone who seemingly has it all. He may once have been a wannabe footballer, but Munez is in the big leagues here and there’s only so many times you can see him in his massive house before it starts to get slightly annoying. Meanwhile whilst he’s living out his dream he has to deal with the strain on his relationship with Roz, and a reunion with his long lost mother in Spain doesn’t help matters either.

And there lies the biggest problem of all. In Goal, Munez was the underdog, the one we could root for despite its cliché rags to ruins narrative. Now that all of that is out of the way, who cares what he does next? Plus, the story ends here with a “To be continued”, which by all accounts, despite there actually being a Goal 3, it patently wasn’t. Plot threads are left hanging never to be resolved, and that if nothing else is a perfect excuse to not even bother trying to get through all three.

Score: 1.5/5

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